2nd update in one day (whoa)
I know! I only update this thing like twice a week tops, and now it's twice in one day. WTF?! But, after having half my friends bail on me and the plans we made, and then personally bailing on the other half of friends I made plans with, I find myself with an abundance of free time...and I find myself reading through other people's lj's and xanga's etc...and talking to people, and I wonder how they can simply be in relationships, and be content with them. How do they not have all the conflicting feelings? How can they just be simply happy? Don't other people have the freaky neurotic feelings of being blissfully happy, followed by the feelings of NEEDING space? The only relationships I am ever in that I feel just happy and content with are my spooning-friend relationships. Nothing more, nothing less. Boyfriend seems like too much committment and stress. Too much busy-ness. With a spooning buddy you don't have to worry that you MUST see that person every day. With a spooning buddy you don't have to worry if you check someone else out, or if they check someone else out. Spooning-friends is the best relationship. It's the only kind I plan on having for the next...five years. Seriously, I am accepting applications. I thought I was over my committment-phobia, but clearly I am not. But hey, Brad is coming up for the weekend! That's right!! My old spooning buddy.
Seriously though, I am still thinking about the content/happy-in-relationships thing, and I just don't get it. I'm an emotional rollercoaster. I inevitably sabotage anything good...and I have such a short attention span if a guy has any interest in me. It's like Ben Affleck said, "I could never be with someone who would want to be with me." I totally feel that. It's an inspired quote. I think that's why I liked Chuck so much...because I knew he'd inevitably end it. That's the only reason we were together for like 5 months. If he was enamored with me, I would have kicked him to the curb so fast. That's why I can't be with a nice guy who treats me well. See, I'm a psych major, and I'm still truly screwed up. At least I can see it, and sort of understand it. But that doesn't mean I can necessarily change it. I can force myself into good relationships...but I inevitably sabotage it. I need to find a jerk who really likes me I guess...and who'll treat me ok, but not great? Who I can dote on...I need someone to chase, who will run, but who won't run too far. I'm screwed.
I just need spooning buddies. Multiple, non-committed, good friends, but nothing more.
A bit ago I took some extra strength excedrin. Somehow that stuff makes me sooo loopy. It makes me twitchy, tired, and it hinders my brain function, and if you know me at all, you know that I need every bit of brain function that I have...bummer.
Ok. It's 11:11. Gotta run.
Seriously though, I am still thinking about the content/happy-in-relationships thing, and I just don't get it. I'm an emotional rollercoaster. I inevitably sabotage anything good...and I have such a short attention span if a guy has any interest in me. It's like Ben Affleck said, "I could never be with someone who would want to be with me." I totally feel that. It's an inspired quote. I think that's why I liked Chuck so much...because I knew he'd inevitably end it. That's the only reason we were together for like 5 months. If he was enamored with me, I would have kicked him to the curb so fast. That's why I can't be with a nice guy who treats me well. See, I'm a psych major, and I'm still truly screwed up. At least I can see it, and sort of understand it. But that doesn't mean I can necessarily change it. I can force myself into good relationships...but I inevitably sabotage it. I need to find a jerk who really likes me I guess...and who'll treat me ok, but not great? Who I can dote on...I need someone to chase, who will run, but who won't run too far. I'm screwed.
I just need spooning buddies. Multiple, non-committed, good friends, but nothing more.
A bit ago I took some extra strength excedrin. Somehow that stuff makes me sooo loopy. It makes me twitchy, tired, and it hinders my brain function, and if you know me at all, you know that I need every bit of brain function that I have...bummer.
Ok. It's 11:11. Gotta run.