friday, february third?
I’ve always known what I want when I want something, but it seems that I can never get it; and in the rare situation I do get it, it always slips away so easily. I constantly am trying to work towards what I want, doing whatever I can to get it more quickly but at the same quality, so it all won’t slip away faster than when I attained it. And even, the one time I finally got it, it wasn’t good enough. It had to be better. And then I lost it. I should have kept what I had and been happy with it, but everyone always goes too far. They always think they could do better, take the risk, and losing everything they worked so hard to get to.
And once again, I’m at the point where what I want is just at the tips of my fingers, inches away from being grabbed. And if I do get there again, I know I’ll go too far, thinking I could do better, knowing I could be better, and fuck it all up again. And I’d be back at the beginning, my goals miles away from my fingertips.
Nothing is ever good enough for me. It could always be improved in my mind, but physically I cannot carry it out.
I needed to say it, even though I know most people will read this and just think, “What the hell is this rubbish she’s linked together?” and think nothing of it. And it means millions of things, millions of emotions, millions of pieces that all fit together, with the esoteric matters that only a handful will understand.
I wish I could say it, I wish I could tell everyone and the world, but what are secrets when everyone knows them? It’s impossible, mentally and physically, but someday I’ll finally have the strength to get it.
But who knows when.
And once again, I’m at the point where what I want is just at the tips of my fingers, inches away from being grabbed. And if I do get there again, I know I’ll go too far, thinking I could do better, knowing I could be better, and fuck it all up again. And I’d be back at the beginning, my goals miles away from my fingertips.
Nothing is ever good enough for me. It could always be improved in my mind, but physically I cannot carry it out.
I needed to say it, even though I know most people will read this and just think, “What the hell is this rubbish she’s linked together?” and think nothing of it. And it means millions of things, millions of emotions, millions of pieces that all fit together, with the esoteric matters that only a handful will understand.
I wish I could say it, I wish I could tell everyone and the world, but what are secrets when everyone knows them? It’s impossible, mentally and physically, but someday I’ll finally have the strength to get it.
But who knows when.