This special rant brought to you by stimulants and poor sleeping habits
I'm not sure if I slept too much or had too much caffeine. Probably some combination of the two. Between that and trying to absorb an impressive amount of information from my class in a rather short amount of time (I feel really sorry for the folks who didn't have the same class I did before that already covered half of what we went over today), my brain feels rather like mud, or maybe a dense fog, or maybe foggy mud. I'm not thinking clearly or quickly at any rate.
I always get some level of confusion from having to flip flop my hours and days. Between work and classes for work I can't keep anything straight it seems. I had to remind myself at least three times on the way home that it was indeed Monday and not Sunday. Obviously this is no condition to be making decisions in and I plan to avoid them at all costs. The frustrating thing is you can't tell life, "Hey, time out. I'm in no condition at the moment." Not that it would really do you any good. I could sit and ponder the possibilities 'til my head exploded and still not account for half of them. Sometimes you at least get a good emotional read on situations and can go from there, but I think maybe I'm too tired for emotions. Right now, looking back, it seems all I've felt in a while is some degree of irritation at whatever isn't cooperating with my decided plan of action. I'm sure there's been other stuff in there, but I can't remember it just now. I've bullheadedly decided to focus on work and school and I think it's eaten up so much energy that there's none left for anything else. In a way that's sort of what I wanted, because I keep getting wrapped up in emotional nonsense and it does me no good, but to have that missing is odd. I can't make any sort of emotional decisions I think, because eventually I'm sure I won't be so tired and that stuff will all come back and just dictate away as though it never left, but in the meantime I'm left in a sort of limbo. There's a part of my brain that points and says, "You should care." and another part replies, "Yes, I know." and closes it's eyes and goes back to it's nap. All the other little parts look between those two and ask, "What do we do?" and the first can only shrug and the second only sleeps and so all the little parts can only sit and wait while the cold machinery of logic ticks away at it's own, unrelated, tasks in the background.
I always get some level of confusion from having to flip flop my hours and days. Between work and classes for work I can't keep anything straight it seems. I had to remind myself at least three times on the way home that it was indeed Monday and not Sunday. Obviously this is no condition to be making decisions in and I plan to avoid them at all costs. The frustrating thing is you can't tell life, "Hey, time out. I'm in no condition at the moment." Not that it would really do you any good. I could sit and ponder the possibilities 'til my head exploded and still not account for half of them. Sometimes you at least get a good emotional read on situations and can go from there, but I think maybe I'm too tired for emotions. Right now, looking back, it seems all I've felt in a while is some degree of irritation at whatever isn't cooperating with my decided plan of action. I'm sure there's been other stuff in there, but I can't remember it just now. I've bullheadedly decided to focus on work and school and I think it's eaten up so much energy that there's none left for anything else. In a way that's sort of what I wanted, because I keep getting wrapped up in emotional nonsense and it does me no good, but to have that missing is odd. I can't make any sort of emotional decisions I think, because eventually I'm sure I won't be so tired and that stuff will all come back and just dictate away as though it never left, but in the meantime I'm left in a sort of limbo. There's a part of my brain that points and says, "You should care." and another part replies, "Yes, I know." and closes it's eyes and goes back to it's nap. All the other little parts look between those two and ask, "What do we do?" and the first can only shrug and the second only sleeps and so all the little parts can only sit and wait while the cold machinery of logic ticks away at it's own, unrelated, tasks in the background.