My brain is full of weird
I think I finally remembered more about the crazy dream that woke me up the other night.
I was disembodied third person as I am so often in my dreams, watching a boy, maybe 8-12 riding with an adult man in the car, neither of them people I know. The man claimed he didn't recognize the area he was in. Suddenly, I had a body and I was pushing the car back to a place they'd passed, yelling at the man that that was bullshit, he had to recognize it, he had to. He kept saying he didn't, but it was becoming obvious he did and he just didn't want to. He became more and more frantic as we got to the spot I stopped them at, the boy was just a silent witness. There was a cop there, tall, clean shaven, inscrutable with his big aviator glasses. I knew then that the cop was the reason the man didn't want to come to this spot, but I didn't know why. Then everything changed. I was some kind of interrogator trying to get the man to remember. We were actually in the location I'd pushed the man to, but it was just me and the man, no car or boy. The man was crying, screaming, trying to cover his face with his hands but never being able to cover enough of it, on the verge of tearing at himself, completely unable to face whatever was in his memory. Still I was pushing him though, trying to get something out of him.
Then, I woke up. Wide awake, full of adrenaline. I have a lot of dreams where I'm chased. That's what I thought this was at first, but remembering more of it, I guess not, unless in some way I was also the man. I thought about some vague correlation to id, ego and superego, or maybe just some kind of issue with authority in general. Or who knows, maybe my brain was just defragging and I happened to remember some weird details it dredged up and smooshed together. It was bugging me that it was so visceral and I couldn't remember it though, so that's taken care of anyway.
It's funny, when I first came out to my computer to write this the ambient station my boyfriend leaves playing quietly on the stereo was playing a thunderstorm. Then I noticed how windy it was outside. Now, it's still windy as fuck and raining out. I hope my little patio garden is ok. It was just starting to really take hold.
I was disembodied third person as I am so often in my dreams, watching a boy, maybe 8-12 riding with an adult man in the car, neither of them people I know. The man claimed he didn't recognize the area he was in. Suddenly, I had a body and I was pushing the car back to a place they'd passed, yelling at the man that that was bullshit, he had to recognize it, he had to. He kept saying he didn't, but it was becoming obvious he did and he just didn't want to. He became more and more frantic as we got to the spot I stopped them at, the boy was just a silent witness. There was a cop there, tall, clean shaven, inscrutable with his big aviator glasses. I knew then that the cop was the reason the man didn't want to come to this spot, but I didn't know why. Then everything changed. I was some kind of interrogator trying to get the man to remember. We were actually in the location I'd pushed the man to, but it was just me and the man, no car or boy. The man was crying, screaming, trying to cover his face with his hands but never being able to cover enough of it, on the verge of tearing at himself, completely unable to face whatever was in his memory. Still I was pushing him though, trying to get something out of him.
Then, I woke up. Wide awake, full of adrenaline. I have a lot of dreams where I'm chased. That's what I thought this was at first, but remembering more of it, I guess not, unless in some way I was also the man. I thought about some vague correlation to id, ego and superego, or maybe just some kind of issue with authority in general. Or who knows, maybe my brain was just defragging and I happened to remember some weird details it dredged up and smooshed together. It was bugging me that it was so visceral and I couldn't remember it though, so that's taken care of anyway.
It's funny, when I first came out to my computer to write this the ambient station my boyfriend leaves playing quietly on the stereo was playing a thunderstorm. Then I noticed how windy it was outside. Now, it's still windy as fuck and raining out. I hope my little patio garden is ok. It was just starting to really take hold.