Here's Tom with the weather...
So, I haven't updated in a while what with the life and way too many classes and such. A lot has changed though. Not like, oh I bought a different brand of socks and they're really comfy kind of change, but my whole outlook really. Without getting into the really gory details, all I can say is hooray for mind altering substances.
There's nothing sadder, more delusional, more depressing, than thinking you've got the world figured out and being disappointed with what you've found. Every day looking for a distraction to pass the time, waiting for who knows what, just something new, something that will make it all seem worthwhile, and all the while not ever really believing you'll find it. Then one day you finally do something that breaks your preconceived notions, shatters them and scares the hell out of you, and really gives you a glimpse of all that's always been there that you just never saw. Maybe you just didn't have the right kind of eyes, maybe you never took the time, probably some combination and then some, but it was always there. And it really is only a glimpse, because that's all it can be, there's so much there. Every time you think you have a handle on it you realize there's yet another angle you didn't see it from, a whole aspect you completely missed.
I think that's the real tragedy of thinking you've got things figured out, you stop looking, or maybe you go through the motions, but you're not really seeing, and you miss so much.
I spent a few hours being terrified I'd never get back to sanity and normalcy, then I came out the other side and realized the really scary idea was returning to how I'd been before.
There's nothing sadder, more delusional, more depressing, than thinking you've got the world figured out and being disappointed with what you've found. Every day looking for a distraction to pass the time, waiting for who knows what, just something new, something that will make it all seem worthwhile, and all the while not ever really believing you'll find it. Then one day you finally do something that breaks your preconceived notions, shatters them and scares the hell out of you, and really gives you a glimpse of all that's always been there that you just never saw. Maybe you just didn't have the right kind of eyes, maybe you never took the time, probably some combination and then some, but it was always there. And it really is only a glimpse, because that's all it can be, there's so much there. Every time you think you have a handle on it you realize there's yet another angle you didn't see it from, a whole aspect you completely missed.
I think that's the real tragedy of thinking you've got things figured out, you stop looking, or maybe you go through the motions, but you're not really seeing, and you miss so much.
I spent a few hours being terrified I'd never get back to sanity and normalcy, then I came out the other side and realized the really scary idea was returning to how I'd been before.