Ex Post Facto
(from yesterday..)
I'm not big on doughnuts.
..but when I do have a doughnut, you can bet it'll be a good one.
So, this morning, when I was shopping for doughnuts for my coworkers on MY birthday, (i never understood that tradition) I saw the most awesome doughnut ever.
MINE!
It was an entire foot of twisted doughy goodness with enough glazing to drown a platypus. OMGNOM.
I had mad plans to turn that sucker to poo with the quickness.
I hid that baked dirigible of delish in the corner of the box, on the bottom, wrapped in waxed paper, under 2 dozen others.
NOBODY GUN GIT MAH NOM NOM!
So I get to work and put the doughnuts on the counter in the common area, pop them open and place a stack of plates next to it. I turn around and open the cabinet behind me, pull out a stack of napkins and as I shut the door and turned to place the napkins on the counter...
..there stood SFHW.. ..STUFFING ~MY~ FUCKING DOUGHNUT IN HER FACE. ..the mangled wreckage of that delectable morsel oozing between her fat little fingers, slobbery chunks still clinging to her oversized, slug-like lips. Oh God. My poor, precious doughnut, condemned to the ruinous fate of that gaping maw, that insatiable gullet, and eventually to forever live on the quivering, gelatinous, cellulosic ASS of that goddamned calorie monger.
Oh well, there's always the bran muffins that are sure to be NOT be eaten.
I'm not big on doughnuts.
..but when I do have a doughnut, you can bet it'll be a good one.
So, this morning, when I was shopping for doughnuts for my coworkers on MY birthday, (i never understood that tradition) I saw the most awesome doughnut ever.
MINE!
It was an entire foot of twisted doughy goodness with enough glazing to drown a platypus. OMGNOM.
I had mad plans to turn that sucker to poo with the quickness.
I hid that baked dirigible of delish in the corner of the box, on the bottom, wrapped in waxed paper, under 2 dozen others.
NOBODY GUN GIT MAH NOM NOM!
So I get to work and put the doughnuts on the counter in the common area, pop them open and place a stack of plates next to it. I turn around and open the cabinet behind me, pull out a stack of napkins and as I shut the door and turned to place the napkins on the counter...
..there stood SFHW.. ..STUFFING ~MY~ FUCKING DOUGHNUT IN HER FACE. ..the mangled wreckage of that delectable morsel oozing between her fat little fingers, slobbery chunks still clinging to her oversized, slug-like lips. Oh God. My poor, precious doughnut, condemned to the ruinous fate of that gaping maw, that insatiable gullet, and eventually to forever live on the quivering, gelatinous, cellulosic ASS of that goddamned calorie monger.
Oh well, there's always the bran muffins that are sure to be NOT be eaten.