I'm only happy when it rains (which in arizona isn't often)
This semester seems to be flying by. As much as I thought I was oh so excited to be done with my undergraduate studies, I am actually pretty sad at the thought of leaving NAU. So much change occurred in my life due to my experience here....and I met some amazing people in my life (Kyle, Em, Josh, Syd, Jack, Cindy, Johnny, Kirk, Sabine, Beatriz....) I don't know, being here really inspired some changes for me and has pushed me forward in a good direction. I know it will soon enough be time for me to move on from here, but it will be sad. But I will never move on from those I have met here....they mean a lot to me!
I lost a ring today. A beautiful garnet ring from my mommy :( I always take my damn rings off to wash my hands and I have almost lost many rings this way...well, luckily the silver band she gave me that I have worn daily for many, many years didn't fall out of my pants pocket (where I placed them when I washed my hands) but apparently the garnet did fall out :(
I have two exams to study for that are next week. Ugh! Also, I tried to get another cleaning job, but didn't get it :( I am thinking that because I couldn't work the hours she wanted, she hired someone who could. It sucks because I really could have used additional money, but oh well. If I can just get through these next few months.
I am frankly sick of typing about Ricky and the newest drama there...It wasn't a good weekend where he is concerned. Getting phone calls from him saying really fucked up things to me (as usual) is never fun....but my friend Cara really did an awesome thing. I called her crying on Saturday after Ricky called me and was a real ass (he screamed fuck you to me and he said "I am not kind to people I don't fucking like" when I asked him if he could please talk to civil to me) and I didn't even ask her to go over there and get some of my stuff, she just said "he is not going to throw your stuff away" and she went over there. I am glad she did because it turns out I had some of Granny's quilts there, and some special pictures (one really neat one of my brothers when they were young). It really touched my heart that Cara just said she would go without me asking and she dropped everything for me. Not a lot of people would ever do that. She is holding onto the stuff at her place. The rest of the furniture that was mine I just told Ricky to do whatever the hell he wanted to with it. When I moved out of that apartment, I took my really sentimental stuff with me, and left the rest of the furniture, dishes, etc. for Ricky and Danny because one, I didn't have a need for it all at the time, and two, I didn't want to clean the apartment out. I wanted them to still have stuff there! Pretty much everything was mine, I could have been cold and took it all, but I didn't. So I figured, if I planned on being without it then, then that is no different now. Besides, my mom made it clear I couldn't put it at her place, so I had no place for it, nor did I have the means to move it, or the money/time to get down there. Of course he gives Cara all the stuff I made for him...I made him a scrapbook about 2 years into our relationship, and he gave it back...what an ass. How can he just give me back all that? I am keeping all the stuff he gave me, but I guess he is just childish. Of course he writes me an asshole email on Monday morning.....I am done with him, I have to be. I know my mom is right when she tells me to just stop taking his calls, or reading his emails. I obviously can't expect anything different from him at this point. As much as it breaks my heart, I guess I have to get him out of my life for good. This just isn't healthy for either one of us.
GOAL: I am not going to write/talk about Ricky anymore.....I am going to break this goddamn unhealthy pattern!
I honestly have no more thoughts to really get out tonight. I just need to get to bed. Though I will say we did get a bit of rain here yesterday and the beautiful cloudy sky was such a nice change! I love the sky when there are dark clouds in it.....
I lost a ring today. A beautiful garnet ring from my mommy :( I always take my damn rings off to wash my hands and I have almost lost many rings this way...well, luckily the silver band she gave me that I have worn daily for many, many years didn't fall out of my pants pocket (where I placed them when I washed my hands) but apparently the garnet did fall out :(
I have two exams to study for that are next week. Ugh! Also, I tried to get another cleaning job, but didn't get it :( I am thinking that because I couldn't work the hours she wanted, she hired someone who could. It sucks because I really could have used additional money, but oh well. If I can just get through these next few months.
I am frankly sick of typing about Ricky and the newest drama there...It wasn't a good weekend where he is concerned. Getting phone calls from him saying really fucked up things to me (as usual) is never fun....but my friend Cara really did an awesome thing. I called her crying on Saturday after Ricky called me and was a real ass (he screamed fuck you to me and he said "I am not kind to people I don't fucking like" when I asked him if he could please talk to civil to me) and I didn't even ask her to go over there and get some of my stuff, she just said "he is not going to throw your stuff away" and she went over there. I am glad she did because it turns out I had some of Granny's quilts there, and some special pictures (one really neat one of my brothers when they were young). It really touched my heart that Cara just said she would go without me asking and she dropped everything for me. Not a lot of people would ever do that. She is holding onto the stuff at her place. The rest of the furniture that was mine I just told Ricky to do whatever the hell he wanted to with it. When I moved out of that apartment, I took my really sentimental stuff with me, and left the rest of the furniture, dishes, etc. for Ricky and Danny because one, I didn't have a need for it all at the time, and two, I didn't want to clean the apartment out. I wanted them to still have stuff there! Pretty much everything was mine, I could have been cold and took it all, but I didn't. So I figured, if I planned on being without it then, then that is no different now. Besides, my mom made it clear I couldn't put it at her place, so I had no place for it, nor did I have the means to move it, or the money/time to get down there. Of course he gives Cara all the stuff I made for him...I made him a scrapbook about 2 years into our relationship, and he gave it back...what an ass. How can he just give me back all that? I am keeping all the stuff he gave me, but I guess he is just childish. Of course he writes me an asshole email on Monday morning.....I am done with him, I have to be. I know my mom is right when she tells me to just stop taking his calls, or reading his emails. I obviously can't expect anything different from him at this point. As much as it breaks my heart, I guess I have to get him out of my life for good. This just isn't healthy for either one of us.
GOAL: I am not going to write/talk about Ricky anymore.....I am going to break this goddamn unhealthy pattern!
I honestly have no more thoughts to really get out tonight. I just need to get to bed. Though I will say we did get a bit of rain here yesterday and the beautiful cloudy sky was such a nice change! I love the sky when there are dark clouds in it.....