(no subject)
so what... im here...?
Divine...am i...?
I pour my heart out now...
I have great emotional obstacles to overcome with myself.... inner conflict... My imagination abuses me-the story of my life. This is life and it is called i am...
I am this individual female. I smile alot for people.... I smile to avoiding hurting anyone...bothering...or putting myself out in the open. My facial muscles ache with guilt....Its not that im lying to everyone........it might be actualy.....im not....because If i was smiling and u asked me if i really meant my smile i wouldnt lie...but what are the chances that you'd ask.
I hate when people ask how are you as a conversation filler because after you answer they talk about the most randomest of things...nothing having to do with how you are... am i mad that no one asks...? no.... im not..because i dont like to answer that question.
I am confused...I dont know what the fuck i want sometimes... Its like, when i do want things, they seem to turn back around and kick me in the ass because i have to CHOOSE.. I have to make choices i dont want to make.... Choices i will make, but choices id rather I wouldnt have to deal with.
How can i be an artist if i want to be able to make stable money, its not that easy with art u know...I want to be able to provide for a family, contribute at least...
How can i have any kids If My fucking body is so polluted with random things and drugs and im all fucked up...
How can I keep doing drugs If i know i dont want that to be my future... Its... its so much more than what im saying.... it really is.... i just cant express it...
I wanna be a Stick(ana-banana) but i want a nice Ass and keep my tits huge.
I wanna have black hair.. I want to have rainbow hair.
I want to sip black tea with lemon on a quiet day....I want to pop dxm and play loud gwen stefani and have a solo rave...
I love the glamour and trajedy of junkies...i love the morals and good intentions of god...
I like boys...i like girls..
I like Green..i like pink..
i like black...i like white...
I like friuts and vegetables....I like chicken
I like Tattoo'd and pierced bodies...i like fresh virgin skin, spotless and silky.
I think Jenna Jameson is hot...I think Christina Richi in Buffalo 66 is hotter...
I Love Danny....and I love Danny..
That seems to be the only stable thing in my life at times..
I think the old ana-nicole smith was pretty....I hate my body....that one, i really dont like my body....eh...............
I say all these things i belive......I say all these things i belive and say..i dont fucking care......and i dont mean that either....im not sure what i mean.... what Do i mean...?
Desiree = ?
Religious conflict.... I have that shit so bad lately.
Try being an open minded, body pirecing, self tattooing, self mutilating, ED-NOS, Drug-huggin, bi-sexual, pre-marital sex havin, CHRISTIAN....
I mean well...i really mean well... i wish i could live the life i want but i dont even know what the fuck i really want....i want all that...but with some, u cant have the others.... I wish i could Have It all.....it would make life so much easier to keep up with.
Im....Dezzy....T_T
Passion . . . . . . . . . once again...i say, sometimes it seems life would be eaier if it ended.....but i dont even mean that 100%... T_T
Divine...am i...?
I pour my heart out now...
I have great emotional obstacles to overcome with myself.... inner conflict... My imagination abuses me-the story of my life. This is life and it is called i am...
I am this individual female. I smile alot for people.... I smile to avoiding hurting anyone...bothering...or putting myself out in the open. My facial muscles ache with guilt....Its not that im lying to everyone........it might be actualy.....im not....because If i was smiling and u asked me if i really meant my smile i wouldnt lie...but what are the chances that you'd ask.
I hate when people ask how are you as a conversation filler because after you answer they talk about the most randomest of things...nothing having to do with how you are... am i mad that no one asks...? no.... im not..because i dont like to answer that question.
I am confused...I dont know what the fuck i want sometimes... Its like, when i do want things, they seem to turn back around and kick me in the ass because i have to CHOOSE.. I have to make choices i dont want to make.... Choices i will make, but choices id rather I wouldnt have to deal with.
How can i be an artist if i want to be able to make stable money, its not that easy with art u know...I want to be able to provide for a family, contribute at least...
How can i have any kids If My fucking body is so polluted with random things and drugs and im all fucked up...
How can I keep doing drugs If i know i dont want that to be my future... Its... its so much more than what im saying.... it really is.... i just cant express it...
I wanna be a Stick(ana-banana) but i want a nice Ass and keep my tits huge.
I wanna have black hair.. I want to have rainbow hair.
I want to sip black tea with lemon on a quiet day....I want to pop dxm and play loud gwen stefani and have a solo rave...
I love the glamour and trajedy of junkies...i love the morals and good intentions of god...
I like boys...i like girls..
I like Green..i like pink..
i like black...i like white...
I like friuts and vegetables....I like chicken
I like Tattoo'd and pierced bodies...i like fresh virgin skin, spotless and silky.
I think Jenna Jameson is hot...I think Christina Richi in Buffalo 66 is hotter...
I Love Danny....and I love Danny..
That seems to be the only stable thing in my life at times..
I think the old ana-nicole smith was pretty....I hate my body....that one, i really dont like my body....eh...............
I say all these things i belive......I say all these things i belive and say..i dont fucking care......and i dont mean that either....im not sure what i mean.... what Do i mean...?
Desiree = ?
Religious conflict.... I have that shit so bad lately.
Try being an open minded, body pirecing, self tattooing, self mutilating, ED-NOS, Drug-huggin, bi-sexual, pre-marital sex havin, CHRISTIAN....
I mean well...i really mean well... i wish i could live the life i want but i dont even know what the fuck i really want....i want all that...but with some, u cant have the others.... I wish i could Have It all.....it would make life so much easier to keep up with.
Im....Dezzy....T_T
Passion . . . . . . . . . once again...i say, sometimes it seems life would be eaier if it ended.....but i dont even mean that 100%... T_T