(no subject)
tonight i feel brilliant. i feel happy and tragic. there are so many thoughts in my head, the writing down is hard to do in an elequent manor, not to mention my spelling. i've always wondered about being a writer, and if i could actually pull it off. I know I couldn't. It saddens me to think about the things I won't be able to do in this life. It doesn't sadden me to think about all the morons I won't meet, but more all the lovers I could've had. If I were to live like I was going to die tommorow, I would die tommorow. Which is hard. I don't want to die for a very long time. It's too hot in this appartment. Ignorance runs too high in this world. Everything moves too fast. Nothing ever pauses because time is always moving. What a frightening thought.
Everyone has days where they look in the mirror and think that they are ugly. Even the ugliest people have someone tell them they are beautiful. So why does it matter what we look like? I feel sick. I feel sick because i may never find what i'm looking for. even if i live 100 years. That I could really be alone for the rest of my life. this is reality. i am thinking about myself. the guilt will never end that i am still here. but what can you do but give up? we are not all as strong. i'm 16 and i'm tired.
but i think it's just because it's 11:40. tommorow i'll wake up, sexed up and ready to fight another lost cause. but just because we're all ready doesn't mean we get off our ass.
Everyone has days where they look in the mirror and think that they are ugly. Even the ugliest people have someone tell them they are beautiful. So why does it matter what we look like? I feel sick. I feel sick because i may never find what i'm looking for. even if i live 100 years. That I could really be alone for the rest of my life. this is reality. i am thinking about myself. the guilt will never end that i am still here. but what can you do but give up? we are not all as strong. i'm 16 and i'm tired.
but i think it's just because it's 11:40. tommorow i'll wake up, sexed up and ready to fight another lost cause. but just because we're all ready doesn't mean we get off our ass.