(no subject)

[spookhead]

i'm a bit torn up inside right now. i just saw some people i hadn't seen in a while. one particular one struck me. because once there was something and it's just painful knowing that i destroyed it. it's painful how stupid i was. i'm having a hard time dealing with the fact i threw something really good away because i guess i thought i was too good, i guess i thought better things were coming. i didn't realize how good i had it and i fucked up. i was so ignorant and so childish and maybe i am still now, but i know something now. i know what i had was good. i wonder what will happen next. i wonder what the hell i'm going to do with myself. i wonder how the hell he feels. i wonder if he ever cried. i wonder what love is.

on the other hand the concert was amazing.

boys have boggled my mind. men are so easy, they tell you what they want. or they show you. or they're definatly off limits. but boys, christ, i am at a loss.