(no subject)
i smell like boys. god bless them for not being men, if only peter pan were right, and boys could be boys forever. some boys mature but don't grow up, but there aren't many of them. god bless those select men, for being who they are, even with their secret smiles and akward glances. but boys, oh boys, i love your hugs, i love the way you reek or entice, i love your shame and shy ways, your total lack of grace, but most of all i love the way you feel. i love the way you taste. i love the way i'll never know if you actually want me. actually, i quite despise that, but no matter, it comes with life.
a man can let you know with a look about all the places you've been in his mind. all the secrets you've discovered, how many times he drempt of fucking you night after night. a boy though, a boy has false innocence, a boy has clouded eyes. i don't know if my affection is second in place of another, i don't know how uncomfortable i'm making you. i pray to god this is not torture. i pray that someone would tell me, that if my actions are unclean i will be stopped. it is of no matter to me, i am all understanding. i lead in being calm, and not causing drama or grief, and i know how to handle being turned down, and unless i am fully and entirely in love, which i know i am not, it does not hurt me. i understand.
i ask over and over for openness and honesty, but i am such a hypocrite. she is filled with secrets.
a man can let you know with a look about all the places you've been in his mind. all the secrets you've discovered, how many times he drempt of fucking you night after night. a boy though, a boy has false innocence, a boy has clouded eyes. i don't know if my affection is second in place of another, i don't know how uncomfortable i'm making you. i pray to god this is not torture. i pray that someone would tell me, that if my actions are unclean i will be stopped. it is of no matter to me, i am all understanding. i lead in being calm, and not causing drama or grief, and i know how to handle being turned down, and unless i am fully and entirely in love, which i know i am not, it does not hurt me. i understand.
i ask over and over for openness and honesty, but i am such a hypocrite. she is filled with secrets.