time to go back
After 8 long years, I guess I finally decided I can't really make it hear, not in the way I want. I plan on saving up what little I can and moving back to Ohio within the next year, unless things change drastically. If it wasn't for wanting to be around Maryoom, I would just sell my car and go now, though it is way too cold for that.
The worst that can happen is I waste another year or two there and buy a ticket back. But, I think that once I leave, coming back won't be a realistic option.
I'm sitting here listening to Abdullah Rwayshid (I think...."inta lw t3rf mukanek"...that is him, right?) and I'm at least at peace knowing that God had this plan for me. I don't waste time wallowing in angst over the time I wasted, that's something the old me may have done. I know it's the Plan, and everything happens in it's appointed time.
You never know, right? Maybe once I'm prepared to lose what I wanted most (a life here) at the last moment, something good may happen to keep me here. It's not like it hasn't happened before!
I want to cry just thinking about moving. All that I'm giving up (and I don't even have much). Trips to the store, walking outside with zero worries about if a cop sees me and getting ID checked, or standing out like a sore thumb for being Arab. Knowing that if I just wanna have a chill and cheap night at home I can just get some Ash for $1, 5obz irani for 150 fils or less. I'll miss my mom and Maria the most, and my brother I guess.
I guess it's time to grow up, be an adult. Get a real job. Make a living. But for now, I'll have to enjoy this time left. Maybe this time next year, I'll be opening my eyes to a cold, lonely, Ravenna morning. But even then I'll thank God, because there's always a silver lining.
The worst that can happen is I waste another year or two there and buy a ticket back. But, I think that once I leave, coming back won't be a realistic option.
I'm sitting here listening to Abdullah Rwayshid (I think...."inta lw t3rf mukanek"...that is him, right?) and I'm at least at peace knowing that God had this plan for me. I don't waste time wallowing in angst over the time I wasted, that's something the old me may have done. I know it's the Plan, and everything happens in it's appointed time.
You never know, right? Maybe once I'm prepared to lose what I wanted most (a life here) at the last moment, something good may happen to keep me here. It's not like it hasn't happened before!
I want to cry just thinking about moving. All that I'm giving up (and I don't even have much). Trips to the store, walking outside with zero worries about if a cop sees me and getting ID checked, or standing out like a sore thumb for being Arab. Knowing that if I just wanna have a chill and cheap night at home I can just get some Ash for $1, 5obz irani for 150 fils or less. I'll miss my mom and Maria the most, and my brother I guess.
I guess it's time to grow up, be an adult. Get a real job. Make a living. But for now, I'll have to enjoy this time left. Maybe this time next year, I'll be opening my eyes to a cold, lonely, Ravenna morning. But even then I'll thank God, because there's always a silver lining.