The Bloodsoaked Battlefied of Cameraop
Tonight I got my first real experience as a camera-op (camera operator if you can't figure that out). Wow. Now that's rape. You have no clue how frustrating it is and how much pressure you're under until you do it. But, as in all hellish events, you do what you can and you learn from what went wrong...so here's some things I've learned about camera operation...
1) Some actors are inconsistent bastards, but it's never their fault. The camera-op is always blamed for not keeping up with the actor even when its the actors fault for not being consistent on his blocking.
2) A director/proffesor will tell you do something and follow a certain rule, and then 5 seconds yell at you for not going against that.
3) Pledge does not belong. Only asskicking, nametaking WD-40 can grease a dolly track. Go clean a house with Pledge!!
4) Batteries are liars!!! They say they are at half power, and then a minute later as you're in the middle of a shot: bam! The loud ass low battery signal goes off and your battery dies. Communist bastards
5) You must have the patience of a Zen monk in dealing with the director and assistant director. They inherently do not understand such concepts as "We're still setting up the tripod," "We're balancing the tripod," "I'm focusing the shot so that's why I'm zoomed in all the way," etc...They will bark orders at you do something without ever bothering to notice you're doing the job you need to do before setting up the director's "precious shot."
However, even though tonight was frustrating, I"m not going to come out of it with a negative attitude. There are good things about being camera-op.
1) You don't have to do shit. You point, focus, and track. Moving the tripod, camera, or dolly? Haha, your crew does it while you sit back and watch. Press the record button? Haha, no silly, be lazy while your 1st assistant camera does it. Keep track of timecode? Hell no. Keep track of betteries? Of course not. Grease the track? Never!!!!!
2)You're in charge of the shot. While this means you're responsobile for fucking it up, on the plus side you can also sneak in your own improvements and then get the attention of compliments.
3) You only have to deal with the director, the assitant director, and your crew. Nobody else gets to fuck with you, and you have the power to fuck with your crew.
4) You're the camera-operating-baddass-mofo. You get R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
5) Shot out of focus? You get to blame your 1st camera assistant. Tracking shot not go smoothly? If you're on a dolly, just blame the dolly grip for not moving smoothly, even if it was your fault (this is where the devilish grin emoticon comes in handy)
6) You're operating a camera!!!!!!! And you're screwing around with equipment that is worth more than your life!