Unprepared. Unable. Unmet expectations
I suggest opening this link in a new tab and reading my post before reading this article. Besides the whining part, it's accurate of where i am right now.
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/secret-doing-something-big-your-life
As i began to make plans for this weekend during the work week, i failed to prepare. I guess i forgot that if i wanted to do a 2 night camp/hike trip, i need to buy and pack the necessary items, and i would need to do that on a weekday and not on the "day of." That's part of being an adult right? To go to the store after work, in some cases tired and already hungry, and to buy necessary things in advance...adulting is a practiced skill, i think. I have all the gear i needed except a lightweight stove for cooking that i still need to buy, buy food, rinse out my water filter, etc, all before i left Friday night. Not to mention, i was at work until almost 5pm due to a loaded schedule. I was unprepared for this weekend, so at that point my choices became simpler but less exciting: do a day hike Sat -- requiring almost no extra effort; camp just 1 night -- still needing to go to the store; or don't go at all.
I found myself on Instagram, motivated to find new places to camp. I saw a lot of photos of people hanging / camping off the lakes around Nashville, and i saw some cool stuff from Percy Priest lake. I decided i wanted to go there and kayak to one of the islands and camp for the night! But where is my experienced & knowledgeable brain?!
1. I don't have a kayak (which my subconscious already knew).
2. I don't have a vehicle capable of transporting said kayak.
3. I don't know how permissible it is to camp on the islands.
4. Is there even overnight parking at the dock?
Why was i imagining just being there with a kayak when i've never even been IN a kayak (much less owning one? haha). Out of many theories, there are at least 1 or 2 things happening to me and my lacking brain:
1. Instagram. There are amazing shots of nature and hiking and camping on Instagram, and while i don't have a hd camera, i like to take shots of my trips and post them as well. But it seems like such a bizarre social media community, in that (for my generation & especially younger) we are becoming wired for instant gratification and are losing a sense of reality on unreal expectations. I'm spontaneous, yes, but it's not like me to try to actually plan something that is doomed from the beginning (i DON'T HAVE a kayak! How was i planning on kayaking to the island?). During my trip planning, i was also imagining of moving to Southeast Nashville: close to the city for a quick drive, but also close enough to nature AND it would shorten my many trips to East Tennessee where all my favorite state parks are...and thaaat much closer to Gatlinburg and the Smokeys! But daydreaming about this made me feel sort of hopeless because i can't afford to live near a lake, i don't have money for a boat, i don't know the rules of water traffic or how to link boats for Memorial Day or Independence Day...am i entering into a MID-LIFE CRISIS?! Good transition into my next reason for lack of brain power...
2. I'm old. I'm 30 now, and while it's obviously not quite 40s or 50s, maybe i can't expect the same output i had in my 20s. I've certainly noticed biological changes: warm-ups might expend more energy but i have deeper stamina now (the rest of the list -- not so good), jumping kills my knees now (and i need to stop expecting to be able to reach the rim on a basketball goal -- unless i train for it), slowly but surely more gray hair, it takes much longer to get into shape and the following few days are more painful. I'm perhaps wiser, i pick up on things quicker, i'm more settled in for cruising to the next destinations in life -- although the biggest life changes are yet to come (moving, home ownership, wife, kids, career, etc). I am, however, out of practice. I don't challenge my brain. I hardly ever read, even scripture. I rarely quote things. I rarely repeat things worthy of repeating. These are skills i can easily hone, or skills that will dissipate when not used.
So...while thinking about what i'm unable to do, i let myself slip into a brief moment of mid-life crisis. I don't know what job i want unless it's getting paid for things i already like to do. If i try to make that more practical, can i make a living from working at REI, or perhaps an outdoor adventures company? What would it take to get me into a studio? It's surely one of my greatest passions, but am i realy willing to do what's necessary, and will the risk pay off or PAY OUT? I'm $60K in student loan debt because i was unknowledgeable and innocently ignorant by going to a liberal arts college -- oh yes, what SKILLS i've been trained for, indeed >.<
^ For this "crisis," when it rains, it pours...I'm attracted to this girl in Nashville. In the midst of trying to figure all this out and being down about my inability to secure this next phase, myself beat me up more: am i fun enough for her? Stable enough? Yet free enough? Handsome and stylish enough? Talented and knowledgeable enough? The list goes on, and when it does, i normally just say, "she'd be better off finding a guy more fitting to those qualities, she'd ultimately be happier, for sure."
I've raised enough money to move to Nashville, and that is the greatest uplift of motivation that i have! The hardest part IS over! I have the funds, now i just need to find an environment i like that's AFFORDABLE, close to my job -- oh yeah i need to get a new job, ideally close to my church -- oh yeah i need to find a new church home ONE SUNDAY AT A TIME, and also start thinking about a new car because mine will become unreliable sooner rather than later.
So...
...what can i offer? Can i be fulfilled if i don't fulfill my own life?
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/secret-doing-something-big-your-life
As i began to make plans for this weekend during the work week, i failed to prepare. I guess i forgot that if i wanted to do a 2 night camp/hike trip, i need to buy and pack the necessary items, and i would need to do that on a weekday and not on the "day of." That's part of being an adult right? To go to the store after work, in some cases tired and already hungry, and to buy necessary things in advance...adulting is a practiced skill, i think. I have all the gear i needed except a lightweight stove for cooking that i still need to buy, buy food, rinse out my water filter, etc, all before i left Friday night. Not to mention, i was at work until almost 5pm due to a loaded schedule. I was unprepared for this weekend, so at that point my choices became simpler but less exciting: do a day hike Sat -- requiring almost no extra effort; camp just 1 night -- still needing to go to the store; or don't go at all.
I found myself on Instagram, motivated to find new places to camp. I saw a lot of photos of people hanging / camping off the lakes around Nashville, and i saw some cool stuff from Percy Priest lake. I decided i wanted to go there and kayak to one of the islands and camp for the night! But where is my experienced & knowledgeable brain?!
1. I don't have a kayak (which my subconscious already knew).
2. I don't have a vehicle capable of transporting said kayak.
3. I don't know how permissible it is to camp on the islands.
4. Is there even overnight parking at the dock?
Why was i imagining just being there with a kayak when i've never even been IN a kayak (much less owning one? haha). Out of many theories, there are at least 1 or 2 things happening to me and my lacking brain:
1. Instagram. There are amazing shots of nature and hiking and camping on Instagram, and while i don't have a hd camera, i like to take shots of my trips and post them as well. But it seems like such a bizarre social media community, in that (for my generation & especially younger) we are becoming wired for instant gratification and are losing a sense of reality on unreal expectations. I'm spontaneous, yes, but it's not like me to try to actually plan something that is doomed from the beginning (i DON'T HAVE a kayak! How was i planning on kayaking to the island?). During my trip planning, i was also imagining of moving to Southeast Nashville: close to the city for a quick drive, but also close enough to nature AND it would shorten my many trips to East Tennessee where all my favorite state parks are...and thaaat much closer to Gatlinburg and the Smokeys! But daydreaming about this made me feel sort of hopeless because i can't afford to live near a lake, i don't have money for a boat, i don't know the rules of water traffic or how to link boats for Memorial Day or Independence Day...am i entering into a MID-LIFE CRISIS?! Good transition into my next reason for lack of brain power...
2. I'm old. I'm 30 now, and while it's obviously not quite 40s or 50s, maybe i can't expect the same output i had in my 20s. I've certainly noticed biological changes: warm-ups might expend more energy but i have deeper stamina now (the rest of the list -- not so good), jumping kills my knees now (and i need to stop expecting to be able to reach the rim on a basketball goal -- unless i train for it), slowly but surely more gray hair, it takes much longer to get into shape and the following few days are more painful. I'm perhaps wiser, i pick up on things quicker, i'm more settled in for cruising to the next destinations in life -- although the biggest life changes are yet to come (moving, home ownership, wife, kids, career, etc). I am, however, out of practice. I don't challenge my brain. I hardly ever read, even scripture. I rarely quote things. I rarely repeat things worthy of repeating. These are skills i can easily hone, or skills that will dissipate when not used.
So...while thinking about what i'm unable to do, i let myself slip into a brief moment of mid-life crisis. I don't know what job i want unless it's getting paid for things i already like to do. If i try to make that more practical, can i make a living from working at REI, or perhaps an outdoor adventures company? What would it take to get me into a studio? It's surely one of my greatest passions, but am i realy willing to do what's necessary, and will the risk pay off or PAY OUT? I'm $60K in student loan debt because i was unknowledgeable and innocently ignorant by going to a liberal arts college -- oh yes, what SKILLS i've been trained for, indeed >.<
^ For this "crisis," when it rains, it pours...I'm attracted to this girl in Nashville. In the midst of trying to figure all this out and being down about my inability to secure this next phase, myself beat me up more: am i fun enough for her? Stable enough? Yet free enough? Handsome and stylish enough? Talented and knowledgeable enough? The list goes on, and when it does, i normally just say, "she'd be better off finding a guy more fitting to those qualities, she'd ultimately be happier, for sure."
I've raised enough money to move to Nashville, and that is the greatest uplift of motivation that i have! The hardest part IS over! I have the funds, now i just need to find an environment i like that's AFFORDABLE, close to my job -- oh yeah i need to get a new job, ideally close to my church -- oh yeah i need to find a new church home ONE SUNDAY AT A TIME, and also start thinking about a new car because mine will become unreliable sooner rather than later.
So...
...what can i offer? Can i be fulfilled if i don't fulfill my own life?