(no subject)
It's been a while..Lets see if i can do this still.
Changes always occur, whether your aware or not. I've always known this but these days it's becoming all the more apparent. I don't know what I want anymore, more like I do..yet I don't. If that makes sense at all. I have no one to share this with. So I will just speak my mind here.
The pressure is building. I try to keep smiling but it's getting hard. By now I would've hoped to be on my own, living my life. The life I want is simple. I want a place of my own. A place I can make many bad attempts to cook. A place where I can find peace...and be alone when I need to. I want to wander aimlessly around the streets but not here. I still love a particular person, although that emotion has evolved. I don't cry nor am I sad. I have many great people in my life, I've found good friends and good company. I've developed many relationships with the ladies over the years. Many I care for and care for me deeply. I have many in which I could gain relationships with. Many of them have alot of potential. I like to waste my time with them and it's nice, I enjoy the company and it's the same in return. Still...i feel deeply she's the one. I always have.
I have a good friend I can confide in, she's been there for the last 3-4 years. Always telling me when I do stupid things, always giving me shit. Saying the things you need to hear sometimes. And about the girl i love. Yah, I get shit on that all the time. It's claimed that I still feel that way because it's a comfort thing, that's her objective point of view. I can't really dispute that because my rebuttals are all subjective. Subjectively speaking...the feeling is deep though.
But as I said, it's evolved. These days, I more want to see her happy then I want her for myself. So even though you'll never read this m'dear...all the best. You're a star in my eyes, I hope you become as great as you are in my eyes.
My home is a broken one. There are going to be changes. I'm 25 now..I've just turned. My parent's are getting a divorce. One that should've happened a long time ago. I feel it's for the best, my little brother caught wind of it for the first time...I'm sure he wants to cry. He cant imagine leaving the house in the neighborhood he grew up in. His best friends, cousins, the people he knew will be far far away. I've been through that, i've delt with that...but he's young so it will be harder on him. I mentioned before where I would've liked to be by now. Realistically speaking..that's on hold. I will have to help my mother alot, if I left now...It'd be hard on them. So I will postpone that for a year or two until I feel they will be okay. Ofcourse I'll send money once I leave...and I will check up all the time. But for the sake of emotional support...I'll have to be there for a while. It will be new to them...hard for them. Emotionally I'm the strongest in the house. I never seem phased. I won't be phased. I can't be phased. It will be hard.
Changes always occur, whether your aware or not. I've always known this but these days it's becoming all the more apparent. I don't know what I want anymore, more like I do..yet I don't. If that makes sense at all. I have no one to share this with. So I will just speak my mind here.
The pressure is building. I try to keep smiling but it's getting hard. By now I would've hoped to be on my own, living my life. The life I want is simple. I want a place of my own. A place I can make many bad attempts to cook. A place where I can find peace...and be alone when I need to. I want to wander aimlessly around the streets but not here. I still love a particular person, although that emotion has evolved. I don't cry nor am I sad. I have many great people in my life, I've found good friends and good company. I've developed many relationships with the ladies over the years. Many I care for and care for me deeply. I have many in which I could gain relationships with. Many of them have alot of potential. I like to waste my time with them and it's nice, I enjoy the company and it's the same in return. Still...i feel deeply she's the one. I always have.
I have a good friend I can confide in, she's been there for the last 3-4 years. Always telling me when I do stupid things, always giving me shit. Saying the things you need to hear sometimes. And about the girl i love. Yah, I get shit on that all the time. It's claimed that I still feel that way because it's a comfort thing, that's her objective point of view. I can't really dispute that because my rebuttals are all subjective. Subjectively speaking...the feeling is deep though.
But as I said, it's evolved. These days, I more want to see her happy then I want her for myself. So even though you'll never read this m'dear...all the best. You're a star in my eyes, I hope you become as great as you are in my eyes.
My home is a broken one. There are going to be changes. I'm 25 now..I've just turned. My parent's are getting a divorce. One that should've happened a long time ago. I feel it's for the best, my little brother caught wind of it for the first time...I'm sure he wants to cry. He cant imagine leaving the house in the neighborhood he grew up in. His best friends, cousins, the people he knew will be far far away. I've been through that, i've delt with that...but he's young so it will be harder on him. I mentioned before where I would've liked to be by now. Realistically speaking..that's on hold. I will have to help my mother alot, if I left now...It'd be hard on them. So I will postpone that for a year or two until I feel they will be okay. Ofcourse I'll send money once I leave...and I will check up all the time. But for the sake of emotional support...I'll have to be there for a while. It will be new to them...hard for them. Emotionally I'm the strongest in the house. I never seem phased. I won't be phased. I can't be phased. It will be hard.