life is fucked
I am starting to get really frustrated with my friends assuming they know what is going on in my head and what I want to talk about. There are a few friends that I am trying to get to sit down and talk to and they all assume they know why. There is only one person in my life right now that really knwos what is going on in my head because she actually talks to me. Right now I am ahving some issues with guilt about two of the guys that have been in my life. One person I want to talk to because they know one of the guys and can give me a third party perspective on it. One person I want to talk to because they know the situation with one of the other guys and can help me because of that. The other person I want to talk to because he has and is going through some similar stuff and I was thinking he may be able to help. Instead he assumes I want to talk about other things and wont talk to me. I know what is going on there and have told him a number of times that I understand and have no problems with that. I can only guess that because it is bery obvious that I have started to care about him, cause I do that anyway and he is for the most part a wonderful person. that he thinks I am going to or am trying to pus for something more when I am not. If that is what I wanted I would have said it much before this. I guess I was just hoping that I could actually find friends that are willing to help me to. I try my best to be there for the people I care about. I also try to keep my problems to myself since all fo my friends have enough of their own issues to deal with. But there are occasions when I need a little support or help to make it through and it wouild be nice to have the ability to ask a freind to talk and not have them assume they know what it is all about.
There is a guy in my life, JUST A FRIEND, whose company I honestly enjoy no matter what we are doing. Soneone who I feel I can trust and I would like to get to know better. Someone who I am starting to care about as a person. The fact that I feel that about a man scares me enough as it is but on top of that it is bringing out feelings of guilt. A small part of the guilt is because of my roomate I used to be involved with. I feel almost like I am abandoning him because I have given up on our friendship since it is abvious he wants nothing more to do with me than to use and control me. The bigger part of the guilt is because of my ex. I loved him, part of me always will. He has made it fairly clear that he does not want me as part of his life right now since I have not heard from him in about a month. Unfortunately I still feel guilty for enjoying the company of another man, even just as friends. I thought I had accepted the fact that he does not want me in his life but I guess I was wrong. I still care a lot about him and I am having a hart time getting over him. I have a friend who would understand what I am going through. Someone who understands not only how hard it is to get over someone but also the other parts of my issues. I was hoping to be able to tell him about some, if not all, of this so I could explain why I react the way I do and get some advice about how to deal. While trying to accomplish this I managed to piss him off I think and potentially ruin a friendship I would like to make stronger. I hope I did not make him to mad and ruin anything. I guess I will have to wait and see.
There is a guy in my life, JUST A FRIEND, whose company I honestly enjoy no matter what we are doing. Soneone who I feel I can trust and I would like to get to know better. Someone who I am starting to care about as a person. The fact that I feel that about a man scares me enough as it is but on top of that it is bringing out feelings of guilt. A small part of the guilt is because of my roomate I used to be involved with. I feel almost like I am abandoning him because I have given up on our friendship since it is abvious he wants nothing more to do with me than to use and control me. The bigger part of the guilt is because of my ex. I loved him, part of me always will. He has made it fairly clear that he does not want me as part of his life right now since I have not heard from him in about a month. Unfortunately I still feel guilty for enjoying the company of another man, even just as friends. I thought I had accepted the fact that he does not want me in his life but I guess I was wrong. I still care a lot about him and I am having a hart time getting over him. I have a friend who would understand what I am going through. Someone who understands not only how hard it is to get over someone but also the other parts of my issues. I was hoping to be able to tell him about some, if not all, of this so I could explain why I react the way I do and get some advice about how to deal. While trying to accomplish this I managed to piss him off I think and potentially ruin a friendship I would like to make stronger. I hope I did not make him to mad and ruin anything. I guess I will have to wait and see.