Oh Well
I spend so much time trying to get my shit straight and make people happy and all I get for it is chastized for my dicissions and then slapped in the face about how little I actually mean to people. I do understand that alot of this has to do with the fact that I am pmsing so I am exponentially overemotional and my feeling have a tendency to lie but they are my feelings none the less. I wish I could not feel like I am around because what or whom they want is not as excessable.
I know that people do care about me. I know that I mean something to someone. It is just hard for me to see sometimes. I am a good person. I am determined, responsible, and can get anything done when I set my mind to it. I just feel like when I do what I need to in order to get done what needs to be done I piss someone off and I loose yet another friend. If I keep up at this rate I will only have two friends left. The only people who will stick around will be Eugene and Chris. I am not sure why but they will, no matter how much I piss them off.
I just wish I could make them happy for once. I just wish that, just once, they would be proud of me for something I did or be happy for me for making my life better. I am not sure how to do this.
Just in case you care, I am going for a new job. A job that is equally as accessable as my current job and makes more money with benefits. I will give more details if I actually do get the job. It is just that I already know their responses, probably everyones responses, I should just stay in the job that I have because it is stable and I am comfortable there. I am not planning on leaving Jay's yet. I am just going to go down to part time there and work full time at the other job so I can get benefits.
Oh well. I am done boring you for now.
much more to come (I hope).
I know that people do care about me. I know that I mean something to someone. It is just hard for me to see sometimes. I am a good person. I am determined, responsible, and can get anything done when I set my mind to it. I just feel like when I do what I need to in order to get done what needs to be done I piss someone off and I loose yet another friend. If I keep up at this rate I will only have two friends left. The only people who will stick around will be Eugene and Chris. I am not sure why but they will, no matter how much I piss them off.
I just wish I could make them happy for once. I just wish that, just once, they would be proud of me for something I did or be happy for me for making my life better. I am not sure how to do this.
Just in case you care, I am going for a new job. A job that is equally as accessable as my current job and makes more money with benefits. I will give more details if I actually do get the job. It is just that I already know their responses, probably everyones responses, I should just stay in the job that I have because it is stable and I am comfortable there. I am not planning on leaving Jay's yet. I am just going to go down to part time there and work full time at the other job so I can get benefits.
Oh well. I am done boring you for now.
much more to come (I hope).