Changes
There's really alot of wierd stuff going on right now. My mom moved back up to be with my dad. She seems happy on the phone but I know she misses Anna like hell. It keeps setting in more and more for me that she's not here as the days go by, its really only been since wed. night that she left. Anna hasn't asked for her yet. I don't know how I will react when she does. We went to wal-mart last night and Anna was calling down the aisles "Graaaaaammmmmmy where are you?" like I've taught her to do when we go to the store. I managed to keep my composure and just calmly said "baby, grammy doesn't work here anymore, she's at papa's house now." She didn't say anything else about it and we went about the rest of our shopping. I don't know if she has noticed mom's not here at the house, but she hasn't said anything if she has. I'm just worried how hard I'm gonna cry when she finally asks where grammy is. So many people have stayed with us in the year that we've been here... but Anna really has never noticed that they've just stopped coming home. I'm sure she may try to run to Grammy's room when she's in trouble. But I think its just the room and the safety of the big squishy chair, not so much looking for Grammy that makes it better.
So on to more screwed up things. I need to go to the doctor to have a blood pregnancy test done. I have all kindsa symptoms of being pregnant, although three tests have come up negative, everyone is still worried. My last 2 periods have been 3 days, then 2 this past. Soooo something isn't right there at all. Don't know what, but its not good. I wouldn't really mind being pregnant. It would make things waaaaay more complicated right now, but I still want another baby. Everyone thinks it may be a tubular pregnancy which could potentially kill me... so... I need to get it checked out.
Things are going good at work I guess. I may get the oportunity for a promotion if my boss takes a region in texas. I really really really want this district. And SOOOOOO much would be easier not that D has his job back. My pay would pay the entire mortgage at once. Then D's pay covers the other bills. Whatever rent my brother gives us is for groceries and the $800 a month from my mom would have my car paid off this year. That would all be so fucking awesome. I pretty much have the money spent and I have no idea if she is even going to take the job in TX. I'm trying to encourage her to. She really needs a change of pace. And she is a fucking awesome boss. Hell, who knows, depending on where all she is in charge of... I would even consider moving out there. I know my dad would love living by the gulf of mexico. My sister in law said to me yesterday... "if you get a district again... don't turn into a bitch this time.", and you know, for the first time I realized it wasn't work that turned me into a bitch at all. It was my home life. I had a job that I was absolutely made for and that I loved and because of all the shit at home I stayed so damned on edge that I couldn't deal with what was going on at work so I lashed out at family and friends. For that, anyone I was mean to that didn't deserve it, I'm sorry.
Well, I guess I'm off to start another day. I'm sick again. It feels like laryngitis again, but its in my chest too. Fucking weather needs to make up its mind. This hot, cold, hot rain, cold rain, cold cold cold shit just is not fucking working for me. Well.... have a good day I guess, I'm going to try to.
So on to more screwed up things. I need to go to the doctor to have a blood pregnancy test done. I have all kindsa symptoms of being pregnant, although three tests have come up negative, everyone is still worried. My last 2 periods have been 3 days, then 2 this past. Soooo something isn't right there at all. Don't know what, but its not good. I wouldn't really mind being pregnant. It would make things waaaaay more complicated right now, but I still want another baby. Everyone thinks it may be a tubular pregnancy which could potentially kill me... so... I need to get it checked out.
Things are going good at work I guess. I may get the oportunity for a promotion if my boss takes a region in texas. I really really really want this district. And SOOOOOO much would be easier not that D has his job back. My pay would pay the entire mortgage at once. Then D's pay covers the other bills. Whatever rent my brother gives us is for groceries and the $800 a month from my mom would have my car paid off this year. That would all be so fucking awesome. I pretty much have the money spent and I have no idea if she is even going to take the job in TX. I'm trying to encourage her to. She really needs a change of pace. And she is a fucking awesome boss. Hell, who knows, depending on where all she is in charge of... I would even consider moving out there. I know my dad would love living by the gulf of mexico. My sister in law said to me yesterday... "if you get a district again... don't turn into a bitch this time.", and you know, for the first time I realized it wasn't work that turned me into a bitch at all. It was my home life. I had a job that I was absolutely made for and that I loved and because of all the shit at home I stayed so damned on edge that I couldn't deal with what was going on at work so I lashed out at family and friends. For that, anyone I was mean to that didn't deserve it, I'm sorry.
Well, I guess I'm off to start another day. I'm sick again. It feels like laryngitis again, but its in my chest too. Fucking weather needs to make up its mind. This hot, cold, hot rain, cold rain, cold cold cold shit just is not fucking working for me. Well.... have a good day I guess, I'm going to try to.