Nov 30, 2004 13:20
Just when I think that I can really just get over my bestfriend being out of my life... I find the CD he burned for me the first day we spent together at his old apartment. Complete with his scribbled out mistake and the little "sorry" signed above it. "Ain't nothing wrong with having someone to hold". Back then that was so true. He still holds so much of my heart. He's the one that made me realize who I really am. He is the person that made me think, made we want to let go and give in to the new life and the new future I had here in florida. Because of him I let go of all of my feelings. Let go of a bad relationship and let go of friends that I didn't need who only needed me when it was convenient. He helped me burn up Meredith, the one who got walked on, emotionally beat up and intelectually starved by the people she hung around and let "Mer" shine through. "Mer-Bear" the bitch that doesn't tolerate anything because her self esteem is through the roof and no one can walk on her or put her down. No one can tell her she's wrong. But at the same time... he is that unattainable standard. He is the one that I always look to when I think that things can't get any better... and when he's not there it all seems to come crashing down. He has been my voice of reason, my conscience, my sanity... my heart.
Even with new friends and family that Love me there is still something missing. Something is not right without him here. It feels like I changed. Like I turned my life into something that I can't deal with because the person with the blue print for how it is supposed to go bailed on me and I'm left to figure it out for myself. I've always believed that people come into your life for whatever period of time for a purpose. They serve that purpose and they leave. But what the hell does it mean when they don't leave. And when they show up, it is always when things are working out okay without them. It just doesn't make any sense.
Ain't nothing wrong with having someone to hold...
unless you just can't let go