School--ahh
School started today. It wasnt too hard to wake up this morning but I sorta forgot we had school so I didnt know why I was getting up but anyways. I get on the bus because my cousin wanted me to take it with her, so I get on and I dont see her, but I *hear* her. why? because shes on her cell phone talking as loud as she possibly can. So we get to school and we get our schedules and stuff and mine was exactly what I wanted for the acception of having forensic phycology and ap phycology back 2 back in the same day with Demery (ahh) but I guess shes going to work something out so I dont do anything in forensic phycology but research for criminal justice and just get an A which would be awesome.
So my cousin is like clingging to me all day but I was happy to be with her since I havent seen a lot of her these past two years. I am really happy to be back to school because I see all my friends and stuff and I knew lots of people and I'm just happy again; I'm back to my old self!
Yup, I went to tkd today and some stuff happened or whatever and I'm going through this stage I think (I hope...) but its like one part of me doesnt want to fight just because now I know that theres something other than winning all the time and I would rather not fight at all than know the outcome even if it is winning; I dont want to lose but I dont want to win either-- AND the other half of me wants to become someone and had the drive to do it but the other side reminds me that along with the glory comes dissapointments; no matter how much I try and convince myself that its okay that I lost, it doesnt work because I know that I could have won. I know that I'm not even fighting as black yet, an some people try to tell me that its ok because I'm not black-but to me, it doesnt matter what level I am, winning is winning and losing is losing an I really think its gay that someone would say that its ok to lose because I'm still al low belt; I think thats the wrong attitude. I strive to be the best no matter how small, young or low belt I just want to succeed.
Well thats it, I'm gona go to bed, Ohh an in school today we had no air all day-do you know how hot it gets in Fla with no air? pritty damn hot!
*good-night* guys-- happy to be seeing all of you guys everyday again :-D