(no subject)
I really want to go home to JJ and Billy for a night. And watch Monster, Deathnote, Family Guy, or some sci-fi film - or possibly Doctor Who and have Jolene on the other end of the computer. I want to go home and be accosted for muffins by Danny and Jimmy.
Stress has crept it's way into my psyche over the last week or two.
The crew just got back from church, and I realized that I've been "on" for far longer than I am accustomed to, and part of the stress is simply mental and emotional fatigue. I think my growing difficulty in participating and interacting with the group as a whole is related to this.
There is also the fact that the upcoming wedding (and abundance of guests) is causing insanity, particularly when coupled with other sources of unrest among some of these people. Besides these communal stresses, there are some personal quandaries burrowing in my head, and I worry that I will disappoint, make poor choices, or cause/exacerbate Bad Things.
Following a rather long-winded explanation of my feelings on a variety of subjects to Rosemary, I feel ready to spend some time alone. Yesterday, the thought of being alone was uncomfortable to me - unless I was being productive, I felt like the time would be such an utter waste. But now it is not unwelcome - now I can reconnect with what is more normal for me, and use unproductive time alone to empty my chaos capacitors. I think, after some rest, I'll be better equipped to do things like spend time with the boys, or be more socially interactive with the teenagers.
Stress has crept it's way into my psyche over the last week or two.
The crew just got back from church, and I realized that I've been "on" for far longer than I am accustomed to, and part of the stress is simply mental and emotional fatigue. I think my growing difficulty in participating and interacting with the group as a whole is related to this.
There is also the fact that the upcoming wedding (and abundance of guests) is causing insanity, particularly when coupled with other sources of unrest among some of these people. Besides these communal stresses, there are some personal quandaries burrowing in my head, and I worry that I will disappoint, make poor choices, or cause/exacerbate Bad Things.
Following a rather long-winded explanation of my feelings on a variety of subjects to Rosemary, I feel ready to spend some time alone. Yesterday, the thought of being alone was uncomfortable to me - unless I was being productive, I felt like the time would be such an utter waste. But now it is not unwelcome - now I can reconnect with what is more normal for me, and use unproductive time alone to empty my chaos capacitors. I think, after some rest, I'll be better equipped to do things like spend time with the boys, or be more socially interactive with the teenagers.