(no subject)
My friends have asked me why do i keep posting on live journal. I dont answer. Its like what i used to do when i was younger. When ever i felt bad about my self or anything I would take out some paper and write every negative thing i could think of qhich i thought people would say about me or what i thoguht about my self. I would usually get about 5-10 pages of just hateful words. I would call my self Fag, Nigger, Ugly, Fat, unwanted just to name a few. i would talk about killing myself. but then i would read it and just rip them up and throw them away and feel better. That was my way of dealling with my problems I did that all they way up until my sophmore year of high school. one of my friends during Mr. Blanks class saw it and well yeah you can guess what happend. This was my way of getting all my negative feeling out and thrown away. I had really no one to tell my problem s to who would listen. In all honsetly i just gave up on asking others for help with my feelings. They never listend to me but i always did for them. Even when i did tell someone my feelings they would listen for 3 min and then block me out. so i just learned to not say a word. And most of the time there help was nothing. They would give me a puzzled look and walk off. i still feel that way. this is my only outlet fucking pathetic huh. This is the only way i see that i can get my feelings out and not get the negative vibe from the people i was talking to.