The Real Cadets of the Starship Enterprise [Episode 2: Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader]
Title: The Real Cadets of the Starship Enterprise [Episode 2: Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader]
Author: MissAstonishing
Characters/Pairings: Spock/Uhura, Kirk, Chekov, Bones, Scotty, Spock Prime
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Of course I own Star Trek, because LJ would be the first place I’d post my work if I did. Sue me Paramount. <3
Summary: Continuing on our series of the real cadets of the starship Enterprise, we find our heroes attending the NuVulcan Science Center dedication.
The Real Cadets of the Starship Enterprise
[Episode 2: Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader]
Chekov's voice rang over the com. "Attention ladies and gentlemen. Vee are in ze final approach to NuVulcan. Please prepare for arrival."
Uhura was deep in thought when Chekov began broadcasting. She was pumping iron while simultaneously day dreaming of her week with Spock on NuVulcan. None of which would happen if she didn't receive the docking commands from port. She dropped the weights and immediately took off running to her quarters to change into uniform.
When you're late, the turbolift never comes fast enough. Uhura pushed the button over and over again.
"Come-on!" Uhura shouted to the doors.
The doors finally opened. Upon entering the lift she began smoothing her hair. The doors opened again to a mass of lieutenants dressed in their formal red Starfleet uniforms. Everyone moved with a purpose and everyone was trying to get somewhere. Like a salmon swimming upstream, she pushed passed the sea of red to her quarters.
Upon entering her room she found the lights were on and her red uniform laid out on her perfectly made bed. The photos on her nightstand proved she was in the right place. "Spock," she thought. How thoughtful!
She paused only a moment before grabbing her uniform and throwing it on, zipping her jacket as she left towards the lift.
The doors opened on to the bridge. As discreetly as she could, Uhura slipped towards her station. She made it two steps before her cover was blown.
"LAATEE!" Kirk screamed like an obnoxious high schooler. He flashed a smile in her direction. A few people looked up from their work, but most on the bridge ignored him. Before he could take a jab at her tardiness, Kirk's attention was immediately drawn away by an unexpected lurch. Nothing too severe, just enough to throw those standing off balance.
"DAMN IT!" Sulu yelled.
A few buttons went from green to red at the exact moment followed by warning beeps.
"No, no it's fine. I just bumped the dock," Sulu said to the general audience.
"I thought you were a pilot Sulu," Kirk poked.
"Sir, it's like trying to park an elephant on a 2 by 4" Sulu volleyed back.
Kirk kisses and pets a control panel on his chair. "He didn't mean that baby," he coddled to his ship.
---
Uhura relieved the cadet manning her station. She began working, but stopped as she felt a presence looming behind her. It was Spock, looking quite dashing in his black commander uniform.
"Lieutenant, you are four minutes late," he said matter-of-factly. "I shall man your station until you are ready to work."
"It's fine Commander!" she glared slightly aggravated. "I can handle it. I won't be late again."
He leaned close to whisper into her ear: "Your uniform is not regulation."
"What are you talking about? You laid it out for me!"
He glanced down. Puzzled, she looked at him, then down at her body. She was mortified to see her bare feet complete with hot pink toenails. Immediately, she left the bridge and back onto the lift.
As she passes, Spock inhales her scent. He savors the moment before sitting at her station.
---
Uhura re-entered the bridge, strutting in her recently shined black boots. Hannity now occupied the communications station.
"We docked," Hannity said cooly before walking off.
The lift doors opened again. Spock followed by a few Vulcan elders and Sarek entered the bridge. Kirk promptly greeted them. Though Vulcans are not much for parties, the completion of the New NuVulcan Science Academy would be just cause for acknowledgment.
---
The New NuVulcan Science Academy was the shining achievement of the refugees. To them this well-lit, white walled, simple yet incredibly futuristic building signified hope and pride in the future of their race. Many of the builders postponed building their own homes until the academy was completed; choosing to live in caves or tents instead.
The few crewmembers that could speak Vulcan conversed with the inhabitants of NuVulcan, but most of the crew gathered amongst themselves sipping libations just happy to be off the ship.
Music, if you could call it that (it was more like mathematically correct successive tones), played throughout the lobby.
"Doctor, check my pulse," Kirk whispered to Bones.
"Why? Are you feeling sick?" Bones asked puzzled and slightly concerned.
"No, but I think I'm dying of boredom. And my face is going to fall off from smiling at all these stoic..." he was interrupted by a perfect middle-C tone that filled the room.
A Vulcan High Counsel member stepped up to a microphone.
"Greetings fellow scholars and explorers," the elder began. "Welcome to the dedication of the NuVulcan Science Center. As you can see, it has come a long way from the vacant space from which it was conceived. We would like to recognize our guests of honor, Captain James T. Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise."
A polite applauds filled the room and immediately gave way to silence after 35-seconds. Kirk walked onstage with his hand extended towards the elder. Uhura rolled her eyes at his indiscretion. Vulcans do not shake hands. The elder shot a cold stare and stepped away from Kirk and the microphone.
Despite the awkward situation of Kirk left hanging, the ever-confident captain covered for his faux pas by robot walking towards the rest of the way to the microphone.
"Uh, that's how we show happiness on Earth," he said as no one laughed. He cleared his throat and changed tone. "We at Starfleet and the crew of the Enterprise would like to congratulate the citizen of NuVulcan on their great achievement. The completion of the NuVulcan Science Center marks the first step toward rebuilding a society known for its dedication to science and advancement. We are confident that the research and training done here will have a long-lasting impact on generations to come throughout this galaxy and beyond."
Kirk raised his glass. "The future begins!"
Everyone present in the audience raised their glasses and followed suit. Kirk downed his entire glass. His eyes caught the young Chekov who winced at the taste of the Vulcan ale.
"Lightweight," Kirk thought to himself. "No wonder Vulcans can't get drunk. This stuff is like water."
The Vulcan elder approached the microphone again. "Pardon me Captain, but a few of our students have expressed interest in a small challenge to christen our newest teaching tool, the 'Trebek 3000.' Perhaps, you and a few of your brightest would like to participate?"
The Vulcan crowd nodded in approval. Never one to turn down a challenge, Kirk agreed.
"I'm gonna need more alcohol," Bones said as he downed another glass.
----
Team Enterprise gathered in a tight circle offstage.
"Are you sure you want to challenge the Trebek 3000?" Spock asked the group.
"Of course we do!" Scotty said. "You'll pardon my expression Commander, but I can't wait to kick some Vulcan arse!"
"The Trebek 3000 program is a sophisticated learning tool designed to teach pupils a maximum amount of information in as little time possible," Spock explained. "For every wrong answer, a small electrical pulse is sent from the feet through the body. Correct answers lead to increasingly difficult questions."
"Did ze Commander say 'elecktric pulez'?" a concerned Chekov asked aloud.
"What exactly do these pulses feel like?" asked Uhura.
"I do not know," Spock said with the slightest smirk.
----
It was a full house at the NuVulcan Science Academy auditorium. Onstage, the Trebek 3000 gleamed. Different formulas, phrases, calculations, images scrolled across its screen. Ten pads, five on each side of the stage.
Spock Prime walked onstage and a hush fell over the crowd. "I am please to present Team Enterprise." A polite clap filled the room as Kirk, Bones, Chekov, Scotty and Uhura each took their place on a pad.
"And our challengers, selected members of Year Five alpha group."
On cue five, 4 1/2 foot, pointy earred, dark bowl cut Vulcans walked onto their pads.
"Aw they're cute!" Uhura exclaimed.
"We're...competing against fifth graders?!" Bones said in his what-am-I-doing-here tone.
"Ay, ze turd one on ze left looks like ze Commander!" Chekov noted.
He certainly did. In fact, they all did. Spock Prime gleamed with pride as any Vulcan father would by showing no emotion at all towards his offspring.
The lights went down onstage as the Trebek 3000 brightened.
"Welcome students," a friendly computer voice spoke. "I shall ask you a series of questions in succession. Please answer quickly."
The spotlight singled out Kirk and the first 3/4 Vulcan child. The computer began: "James, what is the square root of 2233?"
"Um, what is 472.55?" Kirk responded.
"Please give a more precise answer, not in question form," the computer judged.
"472.55!" Kirk said again with more authority.
"Happy, What 20th century social networking program lead to the destruction of Antarctica on planet Earth?"
Kirk raised an eyebrow. "Leave it to a Vulcan to name his kid an emotion," he thought.
"Facebook," Happy answered.
Like a heated ping-pong match, the question and answers volleyed from Computer to Kirk, Kirk to Computer; Computer to Happy, Happy to Computer. Each question increasingly difficult. Each topic more random.
"Beastie boys;" "Lasagna;" "That IS what she said," Kirk was exasperated.
The young Vulcan, still standing perfectly at attention wasn't even breaking a sweat.
Shoot! Kirk missed the question.
"Computer repeat quest.. *BUZZ*AH MOTHER^*@#!!" Kirk's nervous system gave out. As he lay on the floor, he grasped his twitching leg. "That was NOT a little pulse!" he yelled.
The young Vulcan, extended a hand to Kirk. "You should try to keep your emotions in check, even when experiencing discomfort."
Kirk nodded and got up favoring one leg.
Bones didn't feel much pain as he fell due to the sedative he administered to himself before entering the stage.
Chekov lasted considerably longer than Kirk and Bones, but succumb to the saying: "Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better."
Scotty went off on a rant about Brits and Scots and subsequently was shocked as well.
All that remained were Uhura versus the smallest 3/4 Vulcan, Simba. She knew this child was named after Spock's favorite ancient movie.
Trebek 3000 was relentless. The questions fired at the two increasing in speed until: "Simba, what is a strong positive emotion of regard and affection?"
"Empath...*BUZZ*" A rippling pain pulsed through the young Vulcan's body. The other four Vulcans turned their heads, shooting him a death glance. While Simba did not fall, wince or even blink, it was clear how displeased the young Vulcan was for missing the question.
"Uhura, what is a strong positive emotion of regard and affection?"
"Love," she said simply. Her eyes meeting with younger Spock's, seated in the audience.
The lights rose on stage. The computer screen darkens still flashing information. The weary men of the Enterprise and Uhura walked towards the young Vulcans to exchange words of thanks and awe.
"You have taught me a lesson," Simba said to Uhura. "I will study harder next time."
Something about his statement left Uhura shaken. Love was not something that could or should be studied, but rather experienced.
---
On the shuttle returning to Enterprise, a solemn Uhura sat next to Spock. Out of view their hands interlaced.
"Why so glum lassy?" Scotty asked. "You totally PWND that kid!"
Spock and Uhura glared at him in silence.
"Ug," Kirk moaned. "Remind me never to attempt to smack down a Vulcan again. Fool me once! Shame on you. Fool me twice!”
“That was the meanest computer on this side of the quadrant!” Bones concluded. He was hammered. "Remind me to send those kids some chocolate."
Chekov sat mumbling to himself over and over: "Lesser leather never veathered vetter veather better. Lesser leather never wh-veathered vetter wh-veather better. GAH!"
The silence continued between Uhura and Spock until they were safely stowed away in his private quarters. That's when her tears flowed freely.
"Promise me you won't make our kids be Vulcan, or name them after emotions, or make them go to that horrible school," she rambled.
All Spock could do was hold her as tight as he could.
"Should we choose to mate," he said. "Our offspring would only be quarter Vulcan."
She didn't say anything through her sniffles. Obviously, that did not help.
"I...love...you, Nyota."
Silence.
"That *sniff* is so *sniff* weird," she said. "I didn't think Vulcan's felt love."
"I can tell you from experience, I, most certainly do."
Author: MissAstonishing
Characters/Pairings: Spock/Uhura, Kirk, Chekov, Bones, Scotty, Spock Prime
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Of course I own Star Trek, because LJ would be the first place I’d post my work if I did. Sue me Paramount. <3
Summary: Continuing on our series of the real cadets of the starship Enterprise, we find our heroes attending the NuVulcan Science Center dedication.
The Real Cadets of the Starship Enterprise
[Episode 2: Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader]
Chekov's voice rang over the com. "Attention ladies and gentlemen. Vee are in ze final approach to NuVulcan. Please prepare for arrival."
Uhura was deep in thought when Chekov began broadcasting. She was pumping iron while simultaneously day dreaming of her week with Spock on NuVulcan. None of which would happen if she didn't receive the docking commands from port. She dropped the weights and immediately took off running to her quarters to change into uniform.
When you're late, the turbolift never comes fast enough. Uhura pushed the button over and over again.
"Come-on!" Uhura shouted to the doors.
The doors finally opened. Upon entering the lift she began smoothing her hair. The doors opened again to a mass of lieutenants dressed in their formal red Starfleet uniforms. Everyone moved with a purpose and everyone was trying to get somewhere. Like a salmon swimming upstream, she pushed passed the sea of red to her quarters.
Upon entering her room she found the lights were on and her red uniform laid out on her perfectly made bed. The photos on her nightstand proved she was in the right place. "Spock," she thought. How thoughtful!
She paused only a moment before grabbing her uniform and throwing it on, zipping her jacket as she left towards the lift.
The doors opened on to the bridge. As discreetly as she could, Uhura slipped towards her station. She made it two steps before her cover was blown.
"LAATEE!" Kirk screamed like an obnoxious high schooler. He flashed a smile in her direction. A few people looked up from their work, but most on the bridge ignored him. Before he could take a jab at her tardiness, Kirk's attention was immediately drawn away by an unexpected lurch. Nothing too severe, just enough to throw those standing off balance.
"DAMN IT!" Sulu yelled.
A few buttons went from green to red at the exact moment followed by warning beeps.
"No, no it's fine. I just bumped the dock," Sulu said to the general audience.
"I thought you were a pilot Sulu," Kirk poked.
"Sir, it's like trying to park an elephant on a 2 by 4" Sulu volleyed back.
Kirk kisses and pets a control panel on his chair. "He didn't mean that baby," he coddled to his ship.
---
Uhura relieved the cadet manning her station. She began working, but stopped as she felt a presence looming behind her. It was Spock, looking quite dashing in his black commander uniform.
"Lieutenant, you are four minutes late," he said matter-of-factly. "I shall man your station until you are ready to work."
"It's fine Commander!" she glared slightly aggravated. "I can handle it. I won't be late again."
He leaned close to whisper into her ear: "Your uniform is not regulation."
"What are you talking about? You laid it out for me!"
He glanced down. Puzzled, she looked at him, then down at her body. She was mortified to see her bare feet complete with hot pink toenails. Immediately, she left the bridge and back onto the lift.
As she passes, Spock inhales her scent. He savors the moment before sitting at her station.
---
Uhura re-entered the bridge, strutting in her recently shined black boots. Hannity now occupied the communications station.
"We docked," Hannity said cooly before walking off.
The lift doors opened again. Spock followed by a few Vulcan elders and Sarek entered the bridge. Kirk promptly greeted them. Though Vulcans are not much for parties, the completion of the New NuVulcan Science Academy would be just cause for acknowledgment.
---
The New NuVulcan Science Academy was the shining achievement of the refugees. To them this well-lit, white walled, simple yet incredibly futuristic building signified hope and pride in the future of their race. Many of the builders postponed building their own homes until the academy was completed; choosing to live in caves or tents instead.
The few crewmembers that could speak Vulcan conversed with the inhabitants of NuVulcan, but most of the crew gathered amongst themselves sipping libations just happy to be off the ship.
Music, if you could call it that (it was more like mathematically correct successive tones), played throughout the lobby.
"Doctor, check my pulse," Kirk whispered to Bones.
"Why? Are you feeling sick?" Bones asked puzzled and slightly concerned.
"No, but I think I'm dying of boredom. And my face is going to fall off from smiling at all these stoic..." he was interrupted by a perfect middle-C tone that filled the room.
A Vulcan High Counsel member stepped up to a microphone.
"Greetings fellow scholars and explorers," the elder began. "Welcome to the dedication of the NuVulcan Science Center. As you can see, it has come a long way from the vacant space from which it was conceived. We would like to recognize our guests of honor, Captain James T. Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise."
A polite applauds filled the room and immediately gave way to silence after 35-seconds. Kirk walked onstage with his hand extended towards the elder. Uhura rolled her eyes at his indiscretion. Vulcans do not shake hands. The elder shot a cold stare and stepped away from Kirk and the microphone.
Despite the awkward situation of Kirk left hanging, the ever-confident captain covered for his faux pas by robot walking towards the rest of the way to the microphone.
"Uh, that's how we show happiness on Earth," he said as no one laughed. He cleared his throat and changed tone. "We at Starfleet and the crew of the Enterprise would like to congratulate the citizen of NuVulcan on their great achievement. The completion of the NuVulcan Science Center marks the first step toward rebuilding a society known for its dedication to science and advancement. We are confident that the research and training done here will have a long-lasting impact on generations to come throughout this galaxy and beyond."
Kirk raised his glass. "The future begins!"
Everyone present in the audience raised their glasses and followed suit. Kirk downed his entire glass. His eyes caught the young Chekov who winced at the taste of the Vulcan ale.
"Lightweight," Kirk thought to himself. "No wonder Vulcans can't get drunk. This stuff is like water."
The Vulcan elder approached the microphone again. "Pardon me Captain, but a few of our students have expressed interest in a small challenge to christen our newest teaching tool, the 'Trebek 3000.' Perhaps, you and a few of your brightest would like to participate?"
The Vulcan crowd nodded in approval. Never one to turn down a challenge, Kirk agreed.
"I'm gonna need more alcohol," Bones said as he downed another glass.
----
Team Enterprise gathered in a tight circle offstage.
"Are you sure you want to challenge the Trebek 3000?" Spock asked the group.
"Of course we do!" Scotty said. "You'll pardon my expression Commander, but I can't wait to kick some Vulcan arse!"
"The Trebek 3000 program is a sophisticated learning tool designed to teach pupils a maximum amount of information in as little time possible," Spock explained. "For every wrong answer, a small electrical pulse is sent from the feet through the body. Correct answers lead to increasingly difficult questions."
"Did ze Commander say 'elecktric pulez'?" a concerned Chekov asked aloud.
"What exactly do these pulses feel like?" asked Uhura.
"I do not know," Spock said with the slightest smirk.
----
It was a full house at the NuVulcan Science Academy auditorium. Onstage, the Trebek 3000 gleamed. Different formulas, phrases, calculations, images scrolled across its screen. Ten pads, five on each side of the stage.
Spock Prime walked onstage and a hush fell over the crowd. "I am please to present Team Enterprise." A polite clap filled the room as Kirk, Bones, Chekov, Scotty and Uhura each took their place on a pad.
"And our challengers, selected members of Year Five alpha group."
On cue five, 4 1/2 foot, pointy earred, dark bowl cut Vulcans walked onto their pads.
"Aw they're cute!" Uhura exclaimed.
"We're...competing against fifth graders?!" Bones said in his what-am-I-doing-here tone.
"Ay, ze turd one on ze left looks like ze Commander!" Chekov noted.
He certainly did. In fact, they all did. Spock Prime gleamed with pride as any Vulcan father would by showing no emotion at all towards his offspring.
The lights went down onstage as the Trebek 3000 brightened.
"Welcome students," a friendly computer voice spoke. "I shall ask you a series of questions in succession. Please answer quickly."
The spotlight singled out Kirk and the first 3/4 Vulcan child. The computer began: "James, what is the square root of 2233?"
"Um, what is 472.55?" Kirk responded.
"Please give a more precise answer, not in question form," the computer judged.
"472.55!" Kirk said again with more authority.
"Happy, What 20th century social networking program lead to the destruction of Antarctica on planet Earth?"
Kirk raised an eyebrow. "Leave it to a Vulcan to name his kid an emotion," he thought.
"Facebook," Happy answered.
Like a heated ping-pong match, the question and answers volleyed from Computer to Kirk, Kirk to Computer; Computer to Happy, Happy to Computer. Each question increasingly difficult. Each topic more random.
"Beastie boys;" "Lasagna;" "That IS what she said," Kirk was exasperated.
The young Vulcan, still standing perfectly at attention wasn't even breaking a sweat.
Shoot! Kirk missed the question.
"Computer repeat quest.. *BUZZ*AH MOTHER^*@#!!" Kirk's nervous system gave out. As he lay on the floor, he grasped his twitching leg. "That was NOT a little pulse!" he yelled.
The young Vulcan, extended a hand to Kirk. "You should try to keep your emotions in check, even when experiencing discomfort."
Kirk nodded and got up favoring one leg.
Bones didn't feel much pain as he fell due to the sedative he administered to himself before entering the stage.
Chekov lasted considerably longer than Kirk and Bones, but succumb to the saying: "Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better."
Scotty went off on a rant about Brits and Scots and subsequently was shocked as well.
All that remained were Uhura versus the smallest 3/4 Vulcan, Simba. She knew this child was named after Spock's favorite ancient movie.
Trebek 3000 was relentless. The questions fired at the two increasing in speed until: "Simba, what is a strong positive emotion of regard and affection?"
"Empath...*BUZZ*" A rippling pain pulsed through the young Vulcan's body. The other four Vulcans turned their heads, shooting him a death glance. While Simba did not fall, wince or even blink, it was clear how displeased the young Vulcan was for missing the question.
"Uhura, what is a strong positive emotion of regard and affection?"
"Love," she said simply. Her eyes meeting with younger Spock's, seated in the audience.
The lights rose on stage. The computer screen darkens still flashing information. The weary men of the Enterprise and Uhura walked towards the young Vulcans to exchange words of thanks and awe.
"You have taught me a lesson," Simba said to Uhura. "I will study harder next time."
Something about his statement left Uhura shaken. Love was not something that could or should be studied, but rather experienced.
---
On the shuttle returning to Enterprise, a solemn Uhura sat next to Spock. Out of view their hands interlaced.
"Why so glum lassy?" Scotty asked. "You totally PWND that kid!"
Spock and Uhura glared at him in silence.
"Ug," Kirk moaned. "Remind me never to attempt to smack down a Vulcan again. Fool me once! Shame on you. Fool me twice!”
“That was the meanest computer on this side of the quadrant!” Bones concluded. He was hammered. "Remind me to send those kids some chocolate."
Chekov sat mumbling to himself over and over: "Lesser leather never veathered vetter veather better. Lesser leather never wh-veathered vetter wh-veather better. GAH!"
The silence continued between Uhura and Spock until they were safely stowed away in his private quarters. That's when her tears flowed freely.
"Promise me you won't make our kids be Vulcan, or name them after emotions, or make them go to that horrible school," she rambled.
All Spock could do was hold her as tight as he could.
"Should we choose to mate," he said. "Our offspring would only be quarter Vulcan."
She didn't say anything through her sniffles. Obviously, that did not help.
"I...love...you, Nyota."
Silence.
"That *sniff* is so *sniff* weird," she said. "I didn't think Vulcan's felt love."
"I can tell you from experience, I, most certainly do."