A Footnote...
We go through life experiencing things and meeting people along the way. Some of those people leave impressions upon us, while others leave indelible marks on our souls that transcend the passage of time, like a tattoo on our hearts that no one can see, but we always know is there. Most people, though, come and go with little fanfare, barely etching a wrinkle in the tapestry of our lives that falls behind us as it weaves.
I once had the great fortune of knowing someone who met all three of those criteria, initially nothing more than a passing acquaintance, but within a couple of years becoming a warm, familiar face that no con was ever complete without. Thanks to an almost chance encounter that involved none of the glitz and glamor we so easily associated with one another, we had a brief chance to get to know each other in a much more real and honest way. I cherished that day; it meant so much to me, and was exactly what I needed in my life at the time. I saw it as the beginning of a friendship could potentially outlast the transitory nature of the lives we had chosen for ourselves. I felt a bit of something greater than the fleeting intensity of the thrice yearly 60-hour marathons of hedonism and debauchery we called our "normal lives." It felt good. Different. Real.
I never got the chance to tell her that, though, for mere weeks after that she was gone. My life changed when hers ended. No one would have noticed; I'm not sure that even I knew it for quite a while myself. But like all tattoos, the one she left on my heart took time to scar and heal and reveal the subtle definition of the message it was always meant to convey. For me, that message was one of hope, love, and strength -- ideals I may have held some notion of, but never any true understanding of before then.
I now know that hope is the one thing that can sustain us through anything, and that without it, life is empty and desperate. I now believe that love is the most precious gift any one of us can ever give or receive, and that when it is real, both come naturally and without prejudice. And most of all, I have learned that as we travel through our lives, it is not only our strength, but that of our closest companions that keeps us going when we think we can't anymore. We simply cannot live this life alone. We all have our fears and our demons, and while we carry them with us from day to day, we do not need to fight them alone -- that indeed doing so is a recipe for disaster. We can and should rely on the strength of others, as well as our own, to help us see the light during our darkest hours.
Some people, without ever even knowing it, help to shape our lives and even give it purpose. I just hate that it sometimes has to come at so steep a cost. My friend never knew the impact she had on my life, and I will never have the chance to tell her. That's my burden to bear. But the lesson in this for me is never to let that happen again. I do my best to make sure that those whom I love are well aware of it, because there's no telling when any of us may be gone. Life is precious, and so are the people in it.
I learned that from you, Dawn Marie. I can never thank you enough for that.
I miss you.
Happy Birthday.
