specific - dean/john non-con. FOUND!!
I am looking for a specific fic set in season 1. I think it was pretty short, maybe a one-shot (or maybe I stopped reading it after a little while). Anyway, Sam and Dean are heading somewhere after getting done with a job. Somehow Sam finds out John sexually abused Dean when Dean was a teenager. John had been blind drunk and didn't remember it, but I'm pretty sure Dean says it had happened a few times. It was not super explicit I don't think but I do remember John rubbing himself on Dean. There's a part where Sam thinks back on seeing/hearing it happen but not knowing what it was at the time. Sam gets sick thinking about it and asks Dean to pull over so he can throw up, while Dean makes it seem like it was no big deal. And that's as far as I can remember. I honestly can't remember if it was Sam/Dean but it might've been.
I know it was set in season 1 because they were still looking for John, but I am not sure when it was written (maybe 2009 or earlier?). I have searched everywhere, but I don't think it's tagged with John/Dean or even sexual abuse or anything like that. I have found similar fics that I liked but never this one and it's been super frustrating.
Please if you know this fic, let me know! I am also open to similar fics or whatever you would recommend with this vibe. Thanks!