208: Crossroad Blues

[blacklid]

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Comments

Losing Count

[monicawoe]

It's been 35 days...or was it 36 now? Sam couldn't remember and he hated himself even more for that.

36. It had to be 36 days since Dean had been torn apart by the Hellhounds.

33 days since he buried Dean in the middle of the woods where no one, where nothing would disturb him. Sam had been so certain then that he would find a way to bring him back.

Lying here now, next to Ruby, next to a demon he just...
Sam has nothing left but self-loathing and anger. It's in anger that he quietly pulls out Ruby's knife from behind his pillow, and it's in anger that he draws it slowly across her throat. A small line of red appears, trickling. Her eyes open, solid back and she says "I don't sleep Sam," but she doesn't stop him.

It's in despair that he pulls the knife down towards her chest, towards her abdomen drawing another fine red line. "This is where the Hellhounds sliced into Dean." He draws another line next to the first, "and here," and a third, "and here."

Ruby hasn't made a move to stop him. She says "It's not your fault, Sam," and runs her hand through his hair, gently pushing his head down, so it rests against her belly.

Sam is crying silently, and he says,"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," and he kisses everywhere he drew the blade. He tastes copper and sulfur and if he could hate himself anymore he would, but he can't and he doesn't know why, he doesn't, but he can't stop, he doesn't want to.

There are stars in his mind and his body is on fire and he's never felt so whole. Ruby's blood tastes like Hell, but that's where he wants to be, that's where he should be, that's where he is.

It's been 35 days...

Re: Losing Count

[blacklid]

This exactly. *remembers*

Re: Losing Count

[monicawoe]

Up until this one, all my quotefics were season 6 inspired, but then this happened o_o

Re: Losing Count

[tahirire]

This is awesome, and it embodies everything I loved about Sam and Ruby - soooo much angstywrong hotness. *dies a little*

Re: Losing Count

[monicawoe]

Thanks so much! Yea, I also am a fan of Sam & Ruby. It wasn't ever going anywhere good for them, but it was good for me to watch ; )

Re: Losing Count

[meadowphoenix]

This was punchy, like solar plexus punchy. Sam and Ruby goodness/badness. You also pretty much read my mind when I prompted the quote, ngl

Re: Losing Count

[monicawoe]

Sorry for the punch! Glad you agree with the response though. It was a gut reaction to the prompt on my part too.

Re: Losing Count

[poestheblackcat]

Ooh, that was good.

Re: Losing Count

[monicawoe]

Thanks!