This post is for ANY AND ALL REAL PEOPLE PROMPTS. People from other fandoms are allowed as long as the main pairing includes one person from the Supernatural cast. Exceptions made for Jared, Jensen, and/or Misha's wives.
Reminders:
Prompts or fills mentioning real people under the age of 18 are BANNED, they can not be aged up or mentioned in
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Rachel laughed hard. “God! NO! Jensen is not my boyfriend.” She laughed hard all the way across the yard into Jensen’s house.
The place was nice, warm and cozy, it wasn’t all tidy, and it looked lived in, comfortable. “Come in, I’ll set the coffee machine it’ll take a couple minutes.” She said louder.
From the hallways sounding as if he were carrying something very heavy he heard Jensen’s voice. “You’re nuts I only drink real coffee, no stupid machine…” he grunted. “Only a press for that, okay Ray?” Jared smiled at the familiarity in the voice.
“We have company Jay!” she shouted back and a loud thud sounded. “You okay?” she ran down the hall followed by Jared to find him buried in boxes and suitcases.
Rachel helped Jensen while whispering over and over she was sorry.
It was her stuff that was thrown all over the place. Jared helped Jensen to pick everything up. “there you go, seems like you could use a boyfriend to help with this things…” he joked feeling his face in fire. Rachel laughed.
“If I had a boyfriend I’d be moving with him instead with my bro here…” she pointed a finger to Jensen; and then to Jensen. “Did you two met officially? This is Jared…” she offered and when they got close. “You know Jensen already, right?” and Jared nodded. “I bet you’ve noticed him around here with his all time singing and his healthy habits.”
“It’s you? The music?” Jensen blushed adorably, Jared couldn’t believe it.
After a minute they were sitting at the table with cups, plates and pie in front of each one. Rachel went out to get the bag with hers and Jensen’s phones from the car. “I hope she didn’t bother you dragging you into my house.” Jensen said sounding apologetic. “She’s very determined when something gets in her mind.”
Jared chuckled. “I’m glad she invited me. I was looking forward to talk to you… you’re always so busy.”
Jensen was sipping from his mug and made a face. “Yeah, I’m sorry… I’m not a morning person…” that was a lie, Jared had seen him running. “Except on Saturdays, I love to wake up early and run…” Jared was ready to offer running with him. “I love the silence and solitude, nobody there bothering you with anything.” Jared closed his mouth with a click.
“CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!!” Rachel was running, her phone attached to her ear. “Nelly! I’m sorry, I forgot my phone on the car…” and after a minute. “I’m on my way, please contact Misha if the baby’s heart is that low, we’re gonna need an OR, inform them about the C-section.”
Jensen was up and moving as she lowered her phone. “What happened?”
“Dianna! She’s in labor since hours ago, she’s only 35 weeks along and the heart rate is under 120…” she left the room.
Jared got up, he felt like he was intruding. “Maybe I should go.” Rachel passed next to him, her jeans still open while looking for her keys.
“Nonsense Jared, stay, you two talk while I go to bring another baby to the world.”
After she left Jensen sat back on the table and waited for Jared to do the same. “She’s amazing…”
Jared nodded. “So you’re doctors?” Jensen blushed. “I mean… Spencer… the kid from across the street told me but…”
Jensen smiled. “I know who Spencer is, I like that kid… a little bit troubled but nice kid.” Jared nodded taking a sip of his coffee.
“I’m a doctor, yeah…” Jensen made eye contact for a couple seconds before blushing and ducking his head. “Internal medicine, we work at the clinic, nothing big but it’s ours… Rache just came into it last year, fresh out of residency. She’s our OBGYN, we’re partners… with two more friends.”
“That’s really impressive.” Jared said making Jensen smile, “and you like what you do?”
Jensen lost every bit of that timid demeanor; he started talking and gesturing with his hands about everything they were doing and how the entire idea of the clinic was to help people who couldn’t afford, or had no chance to go to a big hospital. Jared was smitten so far, but the second he saw all that passion, all that determination that’s when he fell in love.
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“Sorry, I got to go…”
Jensen got up. “It’s okay, thank you for stopping by, you can come visit Rachel whenever you want…”
Jared stood by the door. “Is not only Rachel I want to visit…”
Jensen blushed and looked away startled. “Then you should visit someone else…” came out of his mouth and Jensen wanted to die. “I’ll tell her to call you, so you get to know what happened with the baby.”
“Can you call me? or let me call you?”
Jensen laughed as if it were all a joke. “That’s so cute.” He said before slamming the door before even saying good night.
Once at his own house and sitting on his chair in front of the computer he noticed how fast Jensen had dismissed him.
Jared tried to get in Jensen’s good grace by preparing flower beds near the fence between the two houses, because he knew Jensen liked them, and he put carnations on it; the only kind missing from Jensen’s garden.
But instead of finding them cute, like Jared thought he’d do, Jensen looked horrified at the flowers and ran away not even saying good morning.
Rachel invited him for coffee once more a week or so later, when waving over the fence is the only contact he’s had with Jensen who stopped going to the garden to water the flower beds.
He went to the next house, and the second he passed the door he noticed the entire place dark. “Is Jensen home?” it just fell from his mouth.
“No right now, but he’s on his way…” she said while offering him a cup of coffee. “You like him, isn’t it?” and Jared say yes without a second of doubt.
Jensen was at the moment coming home, he spent every night revisiting the conversation he had with Jared, his name was Jared and he smelled like lemon grass and wood, and his hands… how he wanted to feel those hands on him.
But he couldn’t, so far every man he loved either got hurt or hurt him, when is about love Jensen was a beacon for bad luck, why would he do that to someone like Jared? Maybe Jared didn’t even cared for him; maybe he was there for Rachel. That was obvious… something inside of him broke when he left the highway on his way home.
He got home to hear Jared’s laughter and Rachel telling him stories of his anatomy classes. “I swear when they gave me the heart out of the corpse I was about to cry…” another fit of laughter and it sounded so good. Yeah they were friends, they will fall inlove, Rachel deserves someone like Jared, or Mac, he always thought it’ll be Mac, but she deserves someone that makes her happy, not him, he was better off alone.
“Hey guys.” He said casual. “Nice to see you again, Jared.”
“Come join us!” offered Rachel. “Tell Jared about Hill in urology clinical practice...” Jensen blushed, why was her embarrassing him in front of a stranger?
“Nah, I’m totaled, going to bed, have fun.” He moved out of the room. Rachel huffed.
“I think he doesn’t like me…” Jared let out.
“If you like him you have a very heavy armor to brake. “She said and putting a more serious face. “Don’t get me wrong, I wish he could get a bf, but are you serious?”
“What?”
Her brown eyes drilled him. “He’s had really, really bad luck with his love life, do you mean well?” and after a bit. “Or is just because his ridiculous hot face and ass.”
Jared swallowed hard. “I.. I don’t know… he’s done nothing more than to turn me down, even before I told him anything and I just like him more… he’s nice, and caring and even if everyone is lusting after him he keeps a level head and… apparently he’s perfect.” And let out a chuckle. “I have no idea why I like him so much…”
Rachel was biting her fingernails. “Okay then… let’s move this thing, okay? Come tomorrow for dinner, I’ll let him know.”
Jensen was informed when he came back from his morning run that Jared will join them for Saturday dinner. “Tell me you have no problem with it…” Rachel asked.
Jensen tried to hide his disappointment. “NO, is perfectly okay, but are you sure you want me there? I’d feel like the odd third wheel.”
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“I don’t know why he doesn’t give up… I don’t… is not like… I don’t want it, the attention I mean.”
“Why?”
“For the same reason you treat Mac as if he were your older brother the second he tries to say something about his feelings.”
Rachel stuttered a little before finally speaking. “I like him… but, you know…” Jensen brought a bottle of tequila without any explanation and both of them took one large gulp without more ado.
“You deserve someone with you Rachel, and Mac knows you during your worse and still wants you.”
Rachel took another drink of tequila. “Jared could be that for you.”
“No he won’t because it’s different.”
Rachel hugged him. “you deserve love sweetie, even if you don’t believe it.”
“Just… Rachel, just don’t tell him about me, okay? I don’t want him feeling pity for me… or knowing… how… ” he said taking the bottle one last time.
“He won’t think anything bad about you Jay.” she giggled. “He’ll be too busy kissing you… and hugging you, and having sex with you.” She started poking Jensen making him laugh.
Jensen laughed but after a few seconds he spoke seriously. “He will, I know it, please, for your dead cousin; swear to me you won’t tell him about me.”
Rachel raised her hand, as if it were a court. “I won’t tell him anything about you.”
“Thank you.” Rachel nodded. “Gosh, we’re too old for this shit.” They shared one last drink before Jensen put the bottle back in its place and they went to bed, he felt better knowing Rachel will keep his secret.
By the time he was sitting at the table with Jared in front and Rachel at his right he was already panicking. “So what if we make plans for thanksgiving?” Rachel offered. “Jensen hides with me so the mobs of housewives don’t feed him until tryptophan poisoning.” Jared land Jensen laughed.
“They mean well…” Jensen said blushing. “I don’t know if I’ll be around, I have to check with Mackie, we haven’t got together in so long.” And turning to Jared he continued. “She’s my sister, and we’re really close.”
Jared made a noise. “I hear you… ” He said pointing a finger to Jensen. “My own sister, Megan is bugging me about visiting for the holidays.”
Rachel rubbed her face. “UGH stop rubbing it on me.” Jensen held her hand over the table and Jared felt like he was intruding.
“I’ll stay with you then, just the two of us.” Jensen offered with a smile and his eyes fix on his friend’s. Jared felt the sting of rejection and at the same time even more love for the guy who would leave his sister to keep a friend company.
Dinner was about to end when a phone went off. It was Jensen’s and he moved out of the room. “Sorry…” he said coming back. “Mr. Donovan is back. His glicemia is over 300 again.”
“The diabetic, chocolate addict one?” Rachel smiled. “I’m sure someone else can take care of him…”Jared perked up, Jensen was leaving.
“I don’t mind and it’ll only be a while.” He took his keys and kissed Rachel’s hair. “See ya Ray,” And turning to look into Jared’s eyes. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t worry. I guess I’m having a sample of what is like to be a doctor’s husband.” Rachel laughed.
Jensen freaked out, it was obvious he paled and blinked before a hasty retreat.
“Now I’m sure he doesn’t like me…”
Rachel got up and brought a bottle of tequila with her. “Jared, I like you, you’d be good for him… so, let me tell you a bit about me.”
“NO… you don’t have to, I understand, I bet I’m not his type.” He was getting up, calling Maddie to leave.
“Shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down and listen to me because… because I know he likes you. But I’m not supposed to say anything about him, that’s why I want you to sit and listen, because you don’t know about me.”
Jared sat and looked at Rachel not understanding what she meant; he noticed her trembling fingers as she poured two shots of tequila and offered him once and a salt shaker.
“I had a cousin, Ty; we were best friends because we didn’t have anyone else, just the two of us. He was 3 years older than me.” and without flinching Rachel tipped the shot back and swallowed the dink.
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Jared took his shot too. Rachel was already pouring the second one on her glass. “By the time I was a freshman they were friends, and I had to hear his endless rants about how the guy’s girlfriend was no right for him.” she rolled her eyes. “How he deserved someone better, how he knew he was the right for him.” and she chuckled.
“It was really tiring.” Jared chuckled at her wink. “we became a group of some kind, they left him alone for a while because people feared us, Ty... you see, he had dangerous friends outside of school and we could defend ourselves… you know what I mean?” Jared pretended he did but had no idea. “And we thought that loner, that guy my cousin was in love with, we thought he was weak and that he needed us, and turned out to be the strongest bastard I’ve ever met.”
Jared saw how her eyes turned red. “I lost my virginity at 15 with Ty’s best friend, Mark, I had a crush on him for years and he was older…” she rubbed her thighs before taking the glass again and tipping it up once more. “And Ty finally kissed the loner.” She smiled. “but being kicked out of the closet by a scorned bitch of an ex girlfriend didn’t’ bode well in high school. It was about this time of the year, you know? We were getting ready for home coming.
We were shopping for dresses and ties and shit like that; and everything was fine, there were ten of us, but then one jock, he was picking fights… Ty was a little drunk and before we could understand they were fighting on a park behind the mall.” Jared frowned what any of this was related with him?
“Jensen, Ty’s boyfriend…” Jared perked up at the mention of the name. “He tried to make him stop and the jock hit him in the face, Mark got in the middle while Ty checked Jensen, he was bleeding from nose and lip and Ty was too drunk to be calm, instead of finishing it he ran to the jock and attacked again.”
Rachel took her fifth drink. “We heard an explosion, it was like a cracker or something, nothing else, but then… then Ty was falling to the floor three feet away from Jensen.” we heard the sirens and Mark and Kevin, Alec and Richard, the rest of our guys tried to move Jensen away from him, from… he was already… we tried to pry him away the body. We weren’t supposed to be there, we weren’t supposed to be out that night. We were just stupid kids….” Jared noticed she was crying from the beginning but the painful sob that rocked her body was too much
“You don’t have to keep going.”
Rachel sniffled and cleaned her tears with her hand. “I’ll cry, I always cry with this story… don’t worry.”
Once more she took a deep breath and kept going. “We left, we left Jensen behind, the boys still had marks of Jensen’s nails weeks after, we left him and police took him in.” she cleaned more tears.
“We didn’t see each other until the funeral, and we gathered at the back of the church, Jensen was there, his eyes were absurdly swollen, almost closed; he was holding a bouquet of carnations.” And Jared understood. “When he went to the front to put the flowers near the…” she sobbed.
“My aunt is a good person, she is, she just was hurting, and Ty was her only son.” It took her a long while to get it together enough to tell the rest. “she led Jensen by the arm to the back interrupting the sermon, everybody was looking, everyone heard what she said about him, calling him a whore, an abomination, and then told him it was all his fault for being a needy faggot, she told him she wished it was him on the coffin, and when my mom tried to calm her, to tell her it was unfair to blame him, she said… and I remember every word.”
Rachel made an effort to let this part out, “What’s unfair is that he’s alive, he’s breathing while my boy is dead, why you deserve to live while I have to bury him? Nobody loves you!” and she let out a chocked sob. “Why are you here gloating in my pain, why are you all here.”
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Rachel let her face fall on her hands this time; Jared moved closer and caressed her back letting her cry for a while. “We had our parents, okay? My mom was there and she hugged me, most of us had someone there, and Alona and Charlie had each other… Jensen had no one; he was grounded and ignored his parent and ran out of his home to go to the funeral. He had no one and my aunt kept holding his arm without anyone to defend him.”
“That’s horrible…”
“She took the flowers and pushed them in Jensen’s face. Told him he should die. That’s when her husband held her and pushed her back to the front. Nobody cared for Jensen.”
“That’s what started all the other shit.” She breathed hard. “The first was Charlie, she was in Jensen’s class, and they were lab partners and the day Jensen went to her house to work on a project he found her dead. She hung herself with a belt. Her parents blamed Jensen for some weird reason.”
Jared gasped horrified. “then came Mark, he dropped out of school and we hardly ever saw him again, then one day we found him at the school parking lot, he’d just had like six spoonfuls of rat poison and died before he got to the hospital.” Jared frowned, he was left without words. “Alona came later, she died at home next to her mom; she was so heartbroken…” Rachel wasn’t done yet. “Richard and Paula lasted a whole year, before they found them dead on Richard’s car, the note said they couldn’t deal with the guilt any longer and crashed the car intentionally.”
“Alec cut his wrists three times, was committed into an institution and still managed to cut himself and bleed to death.” Jared rubbed his face. “Kevin jumped off of a construction site. I tried hanging and cutting before my parents got me help.” She let out. “I spent years in therapy, and I kinda get over it… you know?” she smiled. “It still hurts like you have no idea to remember or to talk about it, but I understood in the end, is not my fault.”
“Of course is not.”
“Yeah, I know, now, is not my fault!” she repeated in a ta-da kind of voice and smiled ducking her head. “Jensen’s parents ignored him for as long as it lasted; he got depressed and tried everything in his power that was destructive, but never suicide, I believe it’s because of his siblings, Josh and Mackenzie; if it weren’t for his siblings…” Jared shuddered as she did at the idea of what would’ve happened to Jensen. “But he’s a tough cookie… and he survived what nobody else could.”
“That’s so fucked up…”
“Alona’s mom killed herself too, and the guy who shot Ty only served 16 months, the guy who brought the gun was sent to jail, he was 18 already, by three months, three months were the difference.” She was more calmed.
“Jensen and I, we have been together always, the longer we’ve been apart had been the year gap we have, he went to college and I followed, he got into med school to do penance for his sins, his guilty conscience.” She said almost as if mocking the words. “I followed suit. He started his practice with few friends, he brought me over… now that I don’t have anybody, he gives me shelter, and he’s trying to find me a husband, we are like brother and sister…” she let out a sigh. “So yeah… you see? There’s something to learn from this.” Jared nodded.
“There’s been a couple other guys, let’s be honest, but only because he’s pretty and they wanted sex, I’ve heard that one of them hurt him too, he’s always feeling unworthy of real love and even when one of the bastards he dated slapped him he thought he deserves it.” She took the bottle from Jared’s side and tipped it over taking three gulps. “If you don’t want him for something serious, please don’t hurt him more.” she said after a long hiss.
“I won’t…” and after a quite uncomfortable silence. “What about you? Do you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend?”
Rachel laughed hard. “There’s this surgeon I like…” she said and both laughed. “With time I developed a thicker skin, and I’m still afraid to let other get close, yeah, but that’s Jensen’s specialty.”
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He couldn’t sleep that night, he heard when Jensen arrived and saw the light of his room on for a while.
Jensen got home and saw the bottle and just knew, he went looking for Rachel. “You okay? Ray?”
“nope…” that was all the answer he got, so he moved closer and dragged her from the floor near the upstairs bathroom to his room, she was shivering and crying, so once he put on his PJ’s he snuggled close to his friend and he let her cry.
The next day Jensen woke up late, feeling Rachel still against his body, they stayed in bed for hours napping from time to time. By lunch they decided to go out, on his way to the car, Jensen noticed the carnations that brought back so many bad memories were gone, in it’s place a little sign claiming there will be sunflowers appeared and he smiled.
“I think he’d be good for you.” Offered Rachel as they were leaving the neighborhood and smiled looking at her friend.
Jensen nodded. “If I were a normal human being, if I deserved it, he might…”
Rachel looked at him and frowned, Jensen had one tear running down his face.
Jared visited them a couple more times, sometimes with Maddie others while Maddie was with Spencer.
Jensen was more and more smitten with Jared, how supportive he was about Rachel and her apparently depression relapse.
Jensen was used already to find Jared in his kitchen those two days a week when Rachel went home four hours earlier than him, as he was used to end up alone with Jared by the end of the night, and Jared bringing him desserts and touching him at any chance he got. And then one night, right when things seemed to finally be on a decent rhythm, when Jensen felt like he could trust Jared and things would stop being awkward if he were only friends… Jared kissed him on the cheek as he was leaving.
Jensen freaked out, locked the door behind him and went to bed without even saying a proper good bye.
He tossed and turned in bed for hours, reliving everything in his head, the touches, the kisses, and the moment when he freaked out; in his mind he was brave and confident and kissed him back in a dozen new ways and his brain created a dozen outcomes to that kiss.
“Stop you stupid, you’re broken, you don’t deserve that.” He chided himself before turning and closing his eyes stubborn.
Few days later Rachel called from down stairs as he was getting ready. “Jay… someone is waiting for you!” he heard the clear whisper. “Don’t screw this up Padalecki I’m watching you.”
He felt his knees giving up, he just knew what Jared would say and tried hard not to go downstairs.
“I’ll be upstairs fixing my hair…” Rachel was ready to leave, but still went upstairs and it felt like treason to Jensen.
“Hey…” Jared said breathless, Jared looked vulnerable and scared for just a split second before the mask of confidence and familiarity was on.
“Hey!” he offered as he passed next to him. “Did Rachel offer you some coffee?” he left Jared behind until he called from the kitchen. “Come, let’s have some.”
Jared followed and Jensen was freaking out.
“SO... what can I do for you?” he said sitting across from him and not seeing to his face.
“I… I’ve wanted to ask you-”
“Is not prescription pills, right? Because I can’t do that…” Jared scoffed.
“No, I want something different; I want to ask you to go out with me?”
Jensen made a double take before putting his mug down. “aww, that’ll be cool, but I’m busy… maybe we can set a date or something.” He checked his watch.
“What about on Wednesday?” Jared moved closer biting his bottom lip. “Is the day you leave the clinic early, right? The one day?” Jensen said he wasn’t sure.
“Please? Please..? I won’t hurt you; you don’t have to be afraid.”
The gasp Jensen let out, or the confused look he gave him freaked Jared a little. “Why should I be afraid of you?” asked harsh.
“That’s my point… there’s nothing to be scared…” Jared tried to mend his mistake; it was like the man in front of him knew that Rachel explained him about his story.
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“That’s all I’m asking for… I swear I’ll be good.”
“I don’t need you to be good with me; I don’t want you doing anything for me at all.”
Rachel entered the kitchen smiling brightly. “I’m ready and you two had enough time to set your romantic da---” she looked from a distressed Jensen to a determined Jared. “What happened?”
Jensen moved fast passing next to Jared with a shy smile. “Nothing, we’re late, see you on Wednesday Jared.”
The whole ride to the clinic was quiet, Rachel tried to make small talk as usual but Jensen didn’t answer, at the end she turned the radio on and started singing with Taylor Swift; even shaking her hands while repeating the chorus over and over at every red light.
Jensen tried hard not to say anything, tried hard to bury the fear of Jared knowing everything. But when they parked outside the clinic he turned to Rachel. “You told him, right?”
Rachel looked at him devastated. “Jensen… ”
He wasn’t even angry; it was something else, like disappointment. “You did... now it makes sense...” he left the car and went on with his day, like nothing ever happened, but there it was a low humming in the back of his mind, that sounded awfully like pity, like something Jared; who was always saying he hated bullies, and was always throwing murderous glances to Tyler and Dylan; would want to fix.
When Rachel went out looking for him to go home Mac told her he left long ago.
Jared saw Rachel getting home and went to say hi. “Not now Jared… I’m sorry…”
He got close frowning. “What happened?”
“He knows I told you…”
Jared raised his hands and ran them through his hair; “OH GOSH!” and groaning. “He must hate me.”
Rachel started crying. “I don’t know… but he sure hates me.” Jared followed the girl inside the house and they found Jensen’s bag and his phone. “Damn it!” Rachel let out and rubbed her face, keys and wallet were there too, aswell as his jacket
“What does it means?” Jared held the key ring from the table near the phone. “Where does he go in these cases?”
“There have never been cases like this.” Rachel turned around to find a tall vase full of red carnations and gasped.
Jared got close frowning. “What?” Rachel started crying he got close to the vase.
With a murderous glance she faced Jared “If you sent him those…. I’m gonna kill you.”
Jared turned surprised, swearing he didn’t, held in his fingers a small white card.
You cannot get away from what you did.
One more year I live without my son.
“Who sent them?” Jared as ked Rachel turned away and holding his phone ran out of the house.
He only heard half the phrase“… did you told her?” after a small silence. “You forgot? How the fuck could you forgot that!?! You know what she’ll do!”
“Sorry, but I found him a couple weeks ago. I just commented on it when I saw her at church, that’s all.” She heard.
“She sent him fucking carnations!!” the silence at the other side let her know they felt guilty for that. “So thank you for everything!”
Misha parked outside of Jensen’s house not half hour later; still on his working clothes and with a lolly pop in his mouth greeted Rachel with a simple; “you better have a very good reason for a 911 call on Jensen.”
“He’s missing, no phone, no keys, and no wallet.” Misha frowned.
“Did he… is something related to … you know? I noticed it happens around this time of the year every year.” Rachel had tears in her eyes again and nodded. “Why I have the feeling that this is not all that it is.” Rachel shook her head from side to side, and explained just few things enough for Misha to understand the gravity of the problem.
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“Okay, so he might be depressed or even suicidal, huh?” looked around finding Jared standing awkwardly around Rachel. “Hi I’m Misha Collins, pediatrician.” he offered his hand. “I’m Jensen’s best friend and I don’t like you right now if you caused him to do this.” Turned around giving Rachel a reproachful look went to his car. “I’m taking the dog.” He called while the doggie was more than happy to climb on is car.
They were searching for Jensen not knowing what happened when he got home. Maybe they should’ve seen other things.
He left the clinic knowing that Rachel might think it was because of her, and it didn’t matter, because Jensen wanted his friend to feel a little guilty at least for going around telling his secrets.
What does she knows anyway? She was popular after a while, and the mystery and tragedy on her life made her more interesting, so unlike Jensen, Jensen was never popular, he was a pariah before, and he was a pariah after, only Rachel there for him, he knows how it feels to be a looser, to be bullied until you don’t want to keep going to school anymore.
Like Spencer, that’s why he answered his call earlier in the afternoon. “They did it again… I can’t…” Jensen heard the boy’s sobs. “And nobody did anything…”
“Calm down, we’ll talk when I get home.”
Spencer sniffled over the phone. “I’m covered in spaghetti sauce and Mrs. Benson sent ME to see the principal…” another sob. “They’re not doing anything either…”
Jensen rubbed his face. “Look I’m sorry, but I have my own problems kid, you have to man up, stand for yourself; be a man!! For fuck’s sake, defend yourself!”
The pathetic whimper made him stop. “Okay…” the boy hiccupped. “I’m sorry…”
Jensen knows how it feels to be the one covered in sauce; he knows how it feels to be left crying and ashamed of yourself. “No… Spence, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry, I’ll pick you up in fifteen, wait for me outside.” Spencer’s father put him on relatives list after his last business trip and Emily forgetting him at school.
At least Spencer didn’t know; he wouldn’t judge him no matter what.
He got home and after a long calming chat with the boy let him go home, Jensen entered his own and put his stuff down when the doorbell called his attention. He got there thinking it might be Emily or Greg instead he found a delivery guy. “Mr. Jensen Ackles?” ad he was handed a vase of carnations, red ones, the ones he had in his nightmares every night.
The next he remembers is how he tripped back away from the damn flowers, he ran out, he was dying; he was suffocating inside the house. Everything was too small, too tight, and too dark.
He turned around and ran; he just had to get away.
He stood out in the night breathless and tired, he felt miserable and every time he stopped he heard the sound again, over and over, he tasted his own blood, he felt the last breath of Ty on his face, and the smell of burning clothe and grilled meat, weird how it doesn’t happen more often with all the guys barbequing at every chance, he remembers the weight on his arms and Chad’s gasp as he was thrown back by the force of the gun. He remembers lights and sirens but only barely, for years he couldn’t remember anything, except when Ty mother ordered him to leave, and that she didn’t even let him know where his only love was buried.
He kept running feeling the cold wet shirt sticking against his back, he was shivering, and his legs felt like lead but as soon as he tried to take a breath the memories came back, the time he was about to kill himself and remembered Ty’s voice. Or when he got the fertilizer, they said it was an easy way, just like falling asleep; to have it snatched from his hands. “You won’t do it.” Ty’s dad told him. “You’d live a long fucking life so you can pay every day of your miserable existence for what you did to my son.” Oh the beauty of small towns.
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How long had he been running from his past and it finally caught up with him.
He crawled across the street to a side and looking into the darkening sky let out a sigh, maybe it was for the best, to just lay here and die.
He let out a sigh and was about to fall asleep or pass out when he heard the scrape of a skateboard on the same street he collapsed before, he turned his head to find Spencer passing by. The kid kept going on in life as if the most embarrassing moment of his life were a distant memory.
He chuckled proud of his young friend and sat he rubbed his eyes cleaning the last of the tears he let out.
“There you are…” Misha sat next to him while a yellow dog licked his face happy to see his friend. “Next time you do something like this you better do it in a nice sunny morning, this chilly air? Not god for my old bones.” The guy next to him bumped his shoulder while Maddie shifted marks to get some more scratches from Misha. “What happened?”
Jensen bit his bottom lip while turning to his friend. Misha, aloof dear Misha who could make any crying kid smile at him, who went out of his way to do random acts of kindness for everyone around him. “My past just bit me in the ass…”
Misha let out humming of understanding. “That’s what I heard… Rachel is pulling her hair out, you know?” Jensen shrugged. “And the perfect guy…” he said with a roll of his blue eyes and a teasing smile. “He thinks you’re filing for divorce first thing in the morning.” Jensen actually chuckled, the soft wind from the near river chilled him to his bones and Misha noticed his state.
“You know? This seems like a good workout…” and taking off his sweater offered it to Jensen. “That shirt is ruined, and this is warm.” He taunted. Jensen smiled and thanked him.
“You ready to go home?” Jensen shook his head from side to side while it was still trapped inside the sweater. “I guess we can sit here for a while… but I’m telling Rachel. Okay?” he took his phone and texted her -found him, we’ll go back don’t wait up-
“I’m afraid I’ll never pay for what I did…”
“Well, you’ve been paying for this since I know you, and apparently since it happened, maybe is time to let go.”
Jensen nodded. “You can’t just let go from things like this Mish… is too big, and…”
“…And it happened more than half your life away.”
Jensen sighed. “Can we… just… not talk about it right now?”
Misha nodded and planted his hands on the floor to get up graciously. “Okay, but you have my sweater and I’m freezing here…” he dusted the back of his pants. “Get up and move on, we’re going back… you’re buying pizza for me.” Jensen looked down still thinking. “and you’re throwing the damned flowers out yourself.” Jensen’s breath hitched. “You will, and you’ll send that bastard a thank you note.”
Jensen chuckled. “Bitch… no bastard, it’s a bitch.”
Misha offered a hand and Jensen got up too. “Let’s go, my car is around the corner by the bridge.”
It was a short drive back; they were quiet the entire time, “please tell me you will forgive Rachel…” Misha let out when they were entering Jensen’s street.
“Of course, I was never angry at her, I just… freaked out.”
He took a deep breath when Rachel appeared at the door of his house, right behind her was Jared. “I’m gonna ask him to leave.” Misha was climbing down fast.
“No…”Jensen moved a hand to stop him. “I don’t need you to send him away or anything”
Misha turned to him, the; “you sure?” Expression in his eyes.
“Yeah, better set things straight.” He opened the door and let the dog out before climbing down to be tackled by a hysteric Rachel. “I’m fine… I’m sorry Rachel, I should have said something.”
She just covered his mouth with a hand and hugged him tighter. “I don’t care… I’m just… it’s my entire fault…” Jensen kissed her cheek. “We’re good, Ray, just give me a couple days, okay?”She was still crying when Misha held her hand.
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“Thanks for sending Maddie with Misha…” Jared wasn’t looking at him. “it was nice to have a honest friend with me.”
Jared finally found his voice. “You mean Misha or my dog?”
Jensen finally made eye contact. “both.” And he walked slowly to his house, “see you on Wednesday.” Jared left relieved.
Jared heard when something shattered on the backyard with the cheering of both Jensen and Misha, and felt relieved once more at the capacity his future husband had to spring back t
By Wednesday Jensen was still not totally over Rachel spreading his secrets. She had gone for movies at Misha and Vicky’s place just in case Jensen and Jared would want to come home. And that didn’t help; Jensen spent 25 minutes picking a shirt.
By eight when Jared was at his door he was still shirtless and his chest was hurting. The door bell made him want to give up, to pretend he was busy or something, he went downstairs in only his undershirt to call this whole thing off when he heard his phone’s message alarm.
Misha just texted him “don’t you dare to stood him up with some lame excuse, you‘ll go out tonight.” Jensen was still smiling when a second text arrived: “you’ll enjoy the date and you’ll let Rachel know that because she’s freaking out thinking you’ll cut her out of your life.”
Jensen heard a second time the door bell and moved toward the door. A third message arrived. “Wear protection.”
He chuckled as his hand reached the doorknob and put the device on his pocket just in time to greet Jared. “Hi…” he said breathless, obviously nervous. “You’re…” he looked at Jensen’s chest and checked his watch confused.
“Yeah… not ready yet, sorry, come in, take a sit give me a couple minutes.” And Jensen ran upstairs. He took his phone and messaged Rachel “which shirt should I wear?”
They took Jared’s car and he drove them to a small restaurant downtown. “I haven’t been here.” Jensen said admiring the view.
Jared stood near him looking away. “Yeah...” Jared moved to the window a couple steps away from their table and pointing ahead. “My office is in that building and I’ve been dying to eat here…”
“You haven’t been here before?” Jensen was shocked.
“I came during the day once; I know the food is good, but during night? With this view?” his hand moved showing Jensen the night outside the windows. “I wanted it to be with someone special.”
Jensen blushed like a teen with that but it also helped him relax a little.
Jared told him about his life, how he wasn’t the most popular kid in school and how one summer he grew up and gained some muscles and things changed. “I was a geek so everyone picked on me… besides my mom was a teacher at my school, literature …”
Jensen laughed. “I guess everyone has their own story…” and looking at his plate half empty. “And high school is actually hell.”
Jared laughed hard. Jensen when calmed was funny and witty and so smart.
By dessert Jensen was feeling very comfortable with Jared but he noticed his date started talking but going around certain words and topics.
“So… Rachel told you…”
Jared bit his lips. “About that... I’m so sorry, she told me about her life… she never…”
Jensen covered Jared’s hand with his. “I know, I’m not mad, it kinda embarrasses me more than angers Me.” and taking a deep breath.
“So if you have questions, whatever question could it be… this is your chance…”
Jared blinked surprised. “No… you don’t have to.”
Jensen smiled. “Only chance, seriously… you’re gonna miss it?” and Jared chuckled before looking at him in the eyes and biting his bottom lip.
“Okay, I do have a couple questions, but tell me if I’m over stepping or something.”
Jensen nodded before Jared finally spoke. “Rachel said your parents grounded you, why?”
Jensen smiled sad; his right hand was fidgeting with his napkin. “They were ashamed of me being gay, I guess, and being out, and well… I was forbidden to see Ty, the monstrous degenerated…” Jensen let out bitter rolling his eyes. “They were ashamed enough to ground me because I skipped school and they had to pick me up from the police station.”
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“I don’t even remember what really happened, you know?” and half smiling, “the first I do remember is the smell of flowers, the flowers I brought for him… he gave me only ONE flower in our year and a half of relationship, he gave ma carnation for my tux on winter prom a year before…” and half smiling. “Until the day his mother… when she pushed the flowers in my face…”
Jared held Jensen’s hand as quiet comfort. “I’m so sorry.” Jensen smiled reassuringly. “I can’t believe nobody was there for you…”
“Really?” Jensen commented moved.
“I wouldn’t have let you go through all that by yourself…” he said with all his heart exposed and getting Jensen’s hand in both his. “I’m sorry.”
Jensen smiled looking at Jared under a different light; he held Jared’s fingers too. “Me too… I’m sorry… but you know? The thing I do remember is Ty, I got hit and I was bleeding and he was stupidly drunk... I should’ve said something, instead… I was just happy that someone, that HE wanted me close… you know? ” And Jensen faced him looking sad. “Before the shot he told me: *be careful, I don’t want anything bad happening to you, I love you*.” Jensen’s memory went to the exact moment in which Ty had died. The last he said to him and he felt like crying. “it was the first time he said he loved me, it was the first time someone that wasn0t my family told me… ” and let out a sigh.
Jared didn’t want to but felt jealous. “It could’ve been me, you know?” Jensen stretched his arms. “He held me and pulled me to a side, and then it sounded… and…” he smiled. Jared was looking at him worried; Jensen smiled and cleaned the single tear falling down his right cheek.
“I think Rachel doesn’t know that…” he raised his eyebrows. “I just don’t feel like I can deal with a relationship, not anymore…” and then there it comes. “That’s why I like to hang out with you… it’s so nice to be with a friend.” And let out a sigh before getting up. “I’ll be right back.” And he went straight to the bathroom leaving Jared stunned.
Jensen went to the bathroom and practically wailed, he did his best to hide it, it hurt more than he thought it would, but he had too, right? He doesn’t deserve someone like Jared, or better said Jared deserves something better than him.
He went back to the table as soon as he splashed some cold water on his face and the red on his eyes receded a bit.
Jared was serious and wasn’t even looking at his face, and it was for the best he said himself.
He paid his half of everything and they went back home. Plans of movies or a long walk forgotten after Jensen’s comment.
Everything was fine until Jared walked him to his door. “Thank you!” said Jensen going for friendly. “There’s this game on Saturday, rugby, not sure if you follow it, you should come, we’re gonna have a party.”
Jared nodded. “I’d love to.” And getting close he kissed Jensen’s cheek. “I won’t give up.”
Jensen blushed before smiling and kissing Jared on the lips; Just a chaste peck. “Good night.”
Jared was going home smiling goofily but then as he passed the fence he decided against it what was all that? What was Jensen doing? One second he was a friend, the next he was kissing him; Jared needed to make things clear. So he went back, to find that the door was not locked and the lights weren’t on.
Jensen entered his place smiling like a dork, the tingling on his lips too much to just give away, for first time in his life he felt like that again. “You’ll never change; you’re just as much a whore as you were when you ruined my son’s life.”
You have no idea how it feels like, when someone tells you you have ruined their life, when the memory of something you lost in a tragic way is brought back by accusations, and guilt and pain… is unbearable and suffocating, when you have to face the past and you can’t go away anymore.
“Wha-what are you doing here…?” Jensen hardly could breath it was like having the flowers there again; in fact there were thousands of red carnations in his house.
“You’ve lived enough… you had enough of what you stole from my son!!”
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“you ruined my boy’s life!!!” she was sitting on his armchair, right next to where he had just put his phone, his head screaming for him to go away but his legs didn’t move not even trying. “and I won’t let you be happy!” she trowed a vase of flowers at Jensen’s feet, water and shards flying everywhere.
Something heavy and cold fell on Jared’s stomach at the sound of something breaking reached his ears, he pushed the door open to find Jensen standing near the only light on, a lamp, standing next to it a lady, holding a large shard of glass.
The crazed look on her face chilled Jared’s spine in one move. “Jensen?” the lady looked over him
“Look at that, you’re doing it again huh? You don’t deserve it; you don’t deserve to have a life!!!” Jensen let out a sob.
“He didn’t invite you, you should leave… you are not welcome.”
The lady got up and pointed the glass to Jensen. “You don’t deserve love, and you don’t deserve to breath! You should’ve died and Ty should be here, he should have had everything!!”
Jensen mumbled an; I’m sorry and Jared had it. “I’m calling the police…” he moved away and dialed 911, Jensen was still sobbing as the lady got close. “You better finish this… useless bastard… finish this; give me that much back…” and offered Jensen the sharp piece of glass.
Jared turned to see Jensen taking something bright and the lady smiling. “Jensen? step away from her, now!” it was like he didn’t say anything, his voice drowned on the repeated accusations and orders from the lady. Jared wanted to say more but then he noticed something, the sobs stopped.
“No…” Jensen didn’t say more.
“Do it!! Give me that much back!! You owe me!!”
Jensen stood tall finally. “No! I don’t owe you shit!” and still sobbing. “All My life I’ve been feeling guilty for something that was never my fault!” he cleaned his tears and snot with his sleeve. “Who gave Ty the money to buy alcohol? Who let him drink and hid that information from his father? Who said boys will be boys? Huh?” the lady screamed over and over for Jensen to get quiet. “It is time for this to be over… you gave your son everything he wanted, everything!! You never set limits for anything, he wanted love! That’s all he wanted… and I gave it to him!”
“I loved my son; I did everything in my power to make him feel it!”
Jensen sobbed once more the shard of glass in his hand still. “I loved Ty, so much and I lost him that night…”
“911 what’s your emergency?” Jared left the room for a couple second.
“There’s a woman inside my friend’s home and she’s trying to make him hurt himself.” The dispatcher asked for the address.
“Are you two in the same room sir?”
“Yes… and my friend is talking to her… I believe she’s asked him to kill himself.”
“Is she holding a knife?”
“No, is a piece of glass, she broke something and is using the glass. He’s holding it now. I left the room to talk to you.” He still could hear the lady shouting for Jensen to shut up but he couldn’t understand Jensen’s words.
“Could you go back without putting yourself at risk?” Jared wasn’t sure. “Hold on please, do not confront her, a car is on the way”
Jensen was crying nonstop, he felt ashamed of his tears, of his weakness. “I lost Ty that night, he died in MY arms, I had to feel his last breath, as his body going cold, and I’m the one who still remembers the fucking smell of my boyfriend’s dead body!” Jensen shouted and the lady kept screaming for him to shut up.
“Shut up, you piece of shit, shut up!!” she ran to him and slapped Jensen across the face. “You took him away from me. You took him away when he was a kid, when he had his entire life ahead, you took him from me when he was all I had… all I had!” she said between gasps of anger and bitterness.
Jared saw as Jensen held both her arms. “He escaped your house at night, did you know that? He always came to my place; we slept together for almost three months before he told you we were dating. You lost your son and I’m sorry, but I lost everything I loved! Everything!!” and pushed the lady back; the glass fell clanking on the floor. “I lost the only one that loved me…”
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The lady fell on the floor. “I never got to say good bye… is not fair…” she sobbed is not fair. “You should die too, you should kill yourself”
Jensen fell aswell sobbing. “I wanted to…” he confessed. “That same night, I had the gun but police got there… I was supposed to die with him… but he asked me not to.” Jensen cleaned his eyes once more. “You have to live…” Jensen said. “You have to live for both of us. That’s the last he said to me…” and breathing hard. “So no… I won’t kill myself, ma’am, I won’t fail him.”
He got up, tears still falling from his eyes. “Get the hell out of my house… and don’t you fucking dare to send me carnations again… he loved them you know and they only make me remember him more.”
He went out, to find Jared there. “Leave me alone…” he said before passing next to him to sit on the swing he had on his porch. He sat there and stopped talking, police came and took Mrs. Olsson with them, Jared gave them info, Rachel was contacted and Emily and Greg came to check on him, Emily brought a blanket and sat next to him, she asked Jared to go home.
Spencer was near Maddie. “He’ll be okay… he’s strong…” the kid said as Jared passed by.
“You think?” Jared was so worried and felt useless seeing others more prepared to help him.
“Mr. Manners told us about him, when he knew he was going to die, he told us Jensen had suffered a lot, and he asked us to take care of him.” and turning to his mother. “I know she’s not the best… but she’s trying, for me, and for him…” another car stopped in front of the now empty quiet dark house, Rachel and Misha climbed down and ran to Jensen.
He didn’t move nor did he react to the change of person next to him. Only when Misha nudged him to get up and go inside, Greg and him helped Jensen up the stairs.
Jared heard when Emily had Spencer in her arms. “Promise me you’ll tell me if there’s something that’s hurting this bad, okay?
Anything…” and kissed his boy’s head. “I’m so sorry I never paid attention to you… it won’t happen again.” She promised peppering her kid’s head with kissed and making him smile.
Jared felt out of place, he went home and tried to sleep, still it took him a long long time to fall asleep.
He woke up with the sound of a car door being slammed and Maddie’s barking downstairs he ran to the window, he saw Misha’s car leaving.
He sat there by the window wondering what happened. Was Jensen gone for good?
Jensen got up “we’ve gotta go…” Misha whispered from the door. “It’s almost time to go to work.” Jensen groaned and nodded.
“Hurry up.” Rachel said behind them. Misha nodded while she got close. “Jay?”
When the poor guy didn’t answer his friends looked at each other wondering if the idea of taking him to a hospital wasn’t a good idea.
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The nightmares were back in full force, and it’s worse than ever when you get like this, things just disappear, not like… for real you know? It is more like you don’t notice, like you’re in a slow motion and everything goes fast forward and by the time you get to focus in something it’s already gone. He knows Rachel has been there, he knows she’s been holding a spoon to his mouth, he felt the coolness of a towel on his face.
When you’re like this, when that one thing comes back, it hurts, and it feels heavy and you relive everything over and over, and at the end you just feel worst.
Jensen is not weak; he’s never let this win over everything else. So he tries to get up, but then there’s this other part of depression -the real deal- people don’t know about, it actually hurts, is like your bones are just sharp shards that hurt your muscles and your tendons are too short and every step takes so much strength…
But he managed, he found out a couple things during that first night, Rachel’s family practically kicked her out, but one of his cousins added her in facebook, and liked a picture of Rachel, the one picture from when she moved with Jensen.
That’s how people found about him and Rachel’s aunt found him. But it was okay, he deserves it, right? This is how he knew things would go anyways, he haven’t gone more than a couple years without flowers or something.
“You have to force yourself out of bed.” He repeated to nobody; “move on Jay, you have to…” he said once he was on his feet and walked to the bathroom. “Go on… just shower…” he compromised, the promise of going back to bed later implied.
But somewhere around the tears he let out under the spray he decided it was done, it was time. He walked out the shower, took some clothes and found his passport on the same drawer, along with old plane tickets and he just took the whole bunch.
He called a cab while packing and left a message for Rachel; he got on his cab and didn’t look back
Jared went running with Maddie after four days not seeing Jensen at all or lights or anything on his house, Rachel came and went as usual but never stopped to talk to him, one day she stopped coming at all.
“I won’t give up...” he repeated to himself. “I won’t let him think he doesn’t deserve love.” He kept running as a cab passed by his side. “I know is worth it.”
It took four more days before he finally saw Jensen coming home, backpack over his shoulder and a serious face.
He let him go, that night he saw light on the kitchen and then in Jensen’s bedroom, the next morning he woke up to a singing Jensen, and by the time he came back from running Spencer was coming out of Jensen’s house, smiling. Jensen was talking on his phone and walking to his car, he looked pale and a little bit tired but looked fine, he didn’t even saw him.
“Hey Jared…” Spencer was rubbing Maddie’s head. “I haven’t seen you much these days.”
“… Is he okay?” Spencer smiled and nodded.
“It lasted just few days this time; when Mr. Manners died it lasted almost a month…” Jared was surprised. “he’s going to be okay... Don’t’ worry.”
Greg called for Spencer and the kid passed the street running after saying bye to Jared and Maddie.
Jared tried hard, really hard to give him space, but three days after he heard him singing in the kitchen a Wednesday at night, Jensen waved him over the fence and disappeared inside his house, but Jared have had enough.
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But the second Jensen opened the door he forgot absolutely everything.
“Hey…” Jensen let out shyly.
“I-I’m still not giving up.”
Jensen smiled before asking;”what?”
Jared took a deep breath. “I… I won’t give up, I still love you and I’ll love you more than anyone has ever loved another person and as long as I’m your future I don’t care for your past…”
Jensen looked at him eyes big, “I’m sorry…” Jared added. “I swear it made sense in my head…” he turned to a side trying to clear his thoughts while taking a deep breath again with his mouth open. “I just- just… I just want to show you that not everyone wants to hurt you.” he was still agitated and nervous. “I will protect you; I won’t let anyone hurt you…”
“I don’t need protection… I don’t want to be protected…” Jensen added biting his bottom lip, just making it plumper, more kissable. “I don’t need someone to fix me…”
“Let me love you. That’s all I’m asking for, let me love you and love me back…” Jared gasped not believing his own words.
Jensen smiled. “Okay…”
Jared let out a startled chuckle. “What?”
“Okay…” and Jensen pulled Jared against him kissing his lips.
It was not perfect, it wouldn’t heal anything, there are no special magic powers in Jared, nothing, but he was patient and Jensen finally found someone with a noble heart that could deal with all his problems, with all his pain, not trying to change it, but being supportive and loving.
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Jared was finally in bed with Jensen only two dates after that simple honest okay.
Jared had left a million love bites on his skin and Jensen couldn’t see straight, yet he was trembling. “so sexy…” Jared said as he captured his lips in a bruising kiss. “You have no idea do you? So fucking perfect strutting around all perfect and down on earth…” he pulled Jensen’s boxers all the way down his legs seeing every inch of that perfect body exposed for him.
He was also naked when he laid next to Jensen, Jared grinded down against his lover’s and the guy under him gasped surprised, Jared wanted to see that face twisted in pleasure, he wanted to know, to learn how beautiful he was when he came.
But he saw fear in his eyes. “You okay?” asked still against his mouth.
“I’m fine… just.. I don’t have that much… you know...” Jensen was blushing. “I don’t have… experience..?” he said grimacing.
Jared smiled. “You mean you and Ty…?”
Jensen shook his head from side to side. “We said we’d do it… you know” Jared loved Jensen like this all bothered and coy. “For first time the night of home coming…”
Jared frowned. “So you have never…”
Jensen’s face turned red. “I’m sorry…” Jared didn’t mind but the voice of his loved broke his heart. “But is okay… I know it hurts… I’m okay…” Jared jumped away from Jensen.
“What?”
Jensen frowned. “Rachel told you, right? About Hill from Urology?” Jared’s face of confusion was the only answer. “He… he was hot, and I was dumb enough to have a crush on my teacher… he only wanted to…” and he bit his lips. “he used his hands… only, and… it was so long ago...”
Jared sat moving away from Jensen. “are you serious?”
“I know it hurts and I don’t mind…” Jensen said trying to hold Jared close, “I don’t mind if it’s you.”
Jared kissed his nose caressing his face tenderly. “Sweetheart is not supposed to hurt, is not about me… is about us, about love… ” And with a tender kiss and a smile he promised. “You’ll see.”
The End
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