SPN: One Morning, Dean was Different, by my_sam_dean
Title: One Morning, Dean was Different
Author: my_sam_dean
Rating: R
Characters: Dean, Sam, Bobby
Disclaimer: I own nothing Supernatural.
Summary: One morning, Dean is different and Sam is on the phone with Bobby for help. Crack!fic (my first attempt at it)
"Bobby, how soon can you get here?"
"I can leave soon. Why don't you guys come here?" Bobby asked after he thought about it.
"Dean woke up about nine months pregnant with girl parts to go along with it. I'm thinking that last waitress he screwed wasn't just a waitress."
"Do you know where she's at so we can get her to break the spell?"
"Dean just started crying when I asked him. I don't know how much time we have before this is a reality that can't be undone. Can you just get here?"
"Leaving now. Try to keep him calm, okay?"
"Oh, Bobby. He's not even in the atmosphere of calm," Sam hung up the phone as he listened to Dean rant, rave and cry from the bathroom.
***
"Come on, Dean. Just let me in," Sam called from outside the bathroom.
"No way."
"Bobby's here. Maybe he can help."
"Those chicks in National Geographic do this on their own. So can I," Dean groaned and Sam really wished he was in there.
"National Geographic?" Bobby looked confused.
"Summers at your house with public television. Remember when we thought Dean just watched it for their boobs?"
Dean was struggling in the other room.
"Just come out here to the bed, Dean," Bobby said.
"No!"
More struggling and panting.
"Just--don't drop the baby on the tile," Sam blurted out feeling useless. He turned to Bobby and whispered, "Will it be a baby if it was caused by a spell?"
Bobby's eyes were huge and he just shrugged.
The noise in the bathroom stopped. Both men turned as they heard the door click.
Dean stepped one foot out onto the carpet, holding something covered in bodily fluids.
"It's a baby," Dean gave them a goofy smile before he fainted. Sam caught Dean and Bobby grabbed the baby.
***
Dean opened his eyes and he was in bed, sunlight shining through the window. "Sam, why didn't you wake me up? We've got to get on the road. I had the weirdest dream, dude--" Dean stopped cold when he saw Sam feeding a baby a bottle. "Shit."
"How are you feeling?" Sam asked.
"Tired."
"I bet."
"Sore." Dean thought for a minute. "How did I--"
"You were a woman for awhile, Dean. It's already gone away," Bobby came in from the bathroom.
Dean threw back the covers and his stomach was still distended.
"Looks like you're getting back to your old self quicker than we thought you would," Bobby told him. "Don't ever pull a stunt like that again. It's awful to hear the sounds you were making and not know what's going on."
Lost for words, Dean just nodded.
"Get some more rest," Bobby covered him back up. "Sam and I've got the baby."
"What is it?" Dean asked, still stunned that his dream was real.
"A healthy little boy," Bobby answered him. "We'll talk more later."
Dean fell back to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
***
"I have room at the scrap yard," Bobby offered.
"We're not talking a lost puppy here, Bobby. It's a baby."
"I know that, Dean. I helped raise you two."
"Would you really want to start all over with a newborn?" Sam asked.
"I've never had one of my own. I'd want to adopt him. I could handle the paperwork for that."
"So we could be his uncles that visit from time to time?" Dean asked.
"Yep. Maybe even more often than that."
"Would you keep his name as Hunter John?"
"It would just be Hunter John Singer. I think Hunt and I would make a great pair."
Sam just stood by watching the exchange. Dean didn't want to stop hunting and Bobby had offered to adopt Hunter. Sam and Dean would be named as guardians if something happened to Bobby.
Dean nodded. "When did you plan on heading back?"
"We could stay until you're feeling back to your old self.”
"I think if you get the car seat and other things he'll need, you two could leave in the morning," Dean replied, looking at the baby in his arms.
***
Hunt grew up strong and healthy with all the fresh air. His uncles Sam and Dean were always there for the holidays and they never forgot his birthday. His dad taught him about hunting and Hunt loved the stories Sam and Dean told when they visited.
Bobby trained him well as a hunter. When Hunt was old enough, he hit the road with his uncles. But, no matter how much he begged, he never got to drive the Impala.