Chapter 7: Occasional Demons
Chapter 7: Occasional Demons
Author: tipsy-kitty
Rating: R?
Pairing: J2, maybe J3, maybe more...
Warning: Bondage! Because hi, have we met?
Word Count: 1,600
Summary: In which they finally get out of Dodge, but Jeff learns he's made a huge mistake.
"Goddamn it, Jeff," Alaina sighs. "Now you've jinxed it."
Jeff is still mentally patting them on their collective backs when a low voice breaks the silence.
"Not so fast, false king," Misha growls from the doorway.
"You couldn't just leave quietly?" Alaina snaps at Jeff. "You had to go and mouth off like an idiot when there are still five more chapters? Fucking moron."
Jeff would like to accuse her of insubordination, except she makes a pretty fine point. Still, he needs to defend his honor. "Hey! It could have been five chapters of frisky bedroom games, you don't know!"
She mutters something that sounds like 'denouement,' or possibly 'illiterate moron,' but Jeff ignores her in favor of turning his attention back to Misha, who is lurching towards them in a deeply unsettling way.
"You come to my planet acting as a savior?" Misha rasps. "I am the savior!"
"What's with his voice?" Jeff wonders aloud, noting that it sounds as though Misha has been gargling gravel since he left the party a scant few minutes before.
"Ohhh-" Jensen begins.
"-shit," Jared finishes.
"That's not Misha," they say together.
"What, he has a twin? Does like, everybody here have an evil twin?" Chad asks. Then his eyes widen. "Does Danneel have a twin?"
"Shut up, Chad," Jeff says automatically, turning to Jensen and Jared. "What's the deal with Misha, or whoever he is now?"
"He just gets like this sometimes," Jensen says. "It's like a… schizoaffective religious mania? Or something?"
Jeff frowns. "In the common tongue please, and slowly?"
"He... thinks... he's... a... god," Jared explains. Slowly. "Named Castiel, of all things."
"Wait, that's a real condition?" Alaina asks.
Jensen shrugs. "Maybe? I don't really have time to research it right now."
"Not a god, I am God," Misha intones, waving a stick at them threateningly. "And you will kneel before me, you brave little--"
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Alaina says, and promptly knocks Misha unconscious with a swift roundhouse kick to the head. "I would seriously rather search the universe for Chad's goddamn testicles then deal with this forsaken planet for another minute."
"Yeah, you would baby," Chad leers.
Alaina glances at Jeff. "Can I knock him out too?"
"Only if you want to carry him back to the ship," Jeff sighs. "C'mon, let's move out."
"Wait! We can't leave Misha here!" Jensen says quickly. "He does get pretty smite-y when he's like this."
"How? It's not like he actually has any godly powers." Jeff says. "Uh, right?" he adds hopefully.
"No, but he carries that wicked staff and knocks the villagers out with it," Jared says.
"If you wanna see a wicked staff..." Chad starts.
"Shut up, Chad!" everybody shouts in unison.
"Pick him up," Jeff says tiredly, feeling all at once the toll on his body from the ale and the strange feast-meats and the general ridiculousness of the past few days.
"Seriously?!" Alaina protests.
"Seriously. Look, we'll lock him in the brig, take him as far as Antares-3, and dump him. When he's better he can catch a lift back to Dodge."
Jeff doesn't admit aloud that he's grown rather fond of his dim-witted subjects, and doesn't want to leave them in the clutches of a staff-wielding religio-whatever.
He also doesn't admit aloud that the sooner they get back to the ship, the sooner Jensen and Jared can begin thanking him for taking them off this dung heap of a planet. Preferably with a long and lovingly administered tongue bath.
Jared picks up Mish-tiel and throws him over one (lickably) broad shoulder as Jeff leads them towards the water and, hopefully, to freedom.
"Is the ship ready to fly then? Where's your engineer?" Jensen asks. Jeff spends a little too much time staring at Jensen's (lickably) lush mouth before answering.
"Hmm? Oh, Felicia? She's been sleeping with the ship. Should have her ready by now."
"Don't you mean sleeping on the ship?" Jared asks, forehead scrunched in confusion.
"Sure," Jeff evades, trying valiantly to ignore the memory of walking in on Felicia 'tuning up' the ship's thrusters some months back.
When they reach the shore, they discover that Felicia does indeed have everything ready for take-off.
"Seriously?" she asks Alaina when she sees them climbing the gangplank with an unconscious Misha in tow. "I thought this guy hated us."
"Seriously," Alaina confirms. "He hated us when he was just a paranoid, power-hungry bureaucrat. Now he's a homicidal nut job with a God complex, so obviously Jeff thought we should bring him along with us."
"Obviously."
"Ladies," Jeff says, raising his hands to placate them before he has a(nother) mutiny on his hands.
"If you finish that sentence," Alaina says sweetly, "this ship is going to have another ball-less crew member."
"Noted. Carry on."
Jeff shows Jared and Jensen to the tiny compartment they'll share, and then readies the ship for departure. Once Chad has plotted their wormhole-free course, Jeff leaves the controls to Alaina and retires to his own bunk for some much needed rest.
He's barely closed his eyes when his door opens and Jensen and Jared enter.
"We thought you might like some company," Jensen says.
"And by 'company' we mean sex," Jared adds.
Jeff's dick perks up immediately, and the rest of him follows quickly. "C'mon in," he says, sitting up on his elbows and flashing them his most rakish grin, which does not resemble the face of a gassy toddler, no matter what Felicia says.
It is not a large bunk, and they are none of them small men, and things get rather sweaty and confusing in short order. There are hands and lips and half-naked, distantly related boys climbing all over Jeff, until finally Jensen pushes Jeff onto his back on the tiny officer's bed and asks, "Let us take care of you?"
Jeff nods quickly. Jared holds up the rope that had been keeping his precariously low-hanging pants in place and raises an eyebrow, and like Jeff's going to say no to anything now? He nods again, more quickly, until his brain feels a bit rattled from blood-loss and hasty agreement.
Jensen kneels on his chest and secures his wrists to the headboard, while Jared removes Jeff's pants.
A question occurs to Jeff, several chapters too late as usual.
"How, uh, how often does that thing happen with Misha?" Jeff asks as the Js are getting ready to, hopefully, worship his body with their tongues before taking turns sitting on his prick.
"Hmm? Oh, not too often. He probably just got too close to the poppies."
"The… poppies?" Jeff suddenly has a very bad feeling about the contraband flowers he ordered to be placed in the hold.
"We told you-" says Jensen.
"-that we're allergic," Jared finishes.
"Umm," Jeff says. His brain has been rather unhelpfully supplying all his blood to other parts of his body, and it's taking him a minute to catch up. "But, allergies, that's like, sneezing and stuff, right?"
"Not on Dodge."
He's fully secured to the headboard now, watching as Jared and Jensen stand at the foot of the bed and press their sweaty, shirtless torsos together.
"Poppies make us a little prone to committing acts of evil," Jensen says, as his hands roam over the broad expanse of Jared's back. "You should see this guy-" he breaks off to suck Jared's lower lip into his mouth. "It's like he's got no soul, it's the hottest..."
"And Jensen," Jared says, pulling away from the kiss to run a thumb across Jensen's sensuous lower lip. He catches Jeff's eye and smirks wickedly. "He's practically a demon. In the sack."
"How very, um, interesting," Jeff says, surreptitiously tugging at his bonds.
"Luckily the poppies are 7,000 miles behind us by now, right?" Jensen says, his eyes so dark Jeff can't tell where the pupil ends and the iris begins.
"Well, now, about that," Jeff hedges.
But they're kissing each other again while Jeff can only watch helplessly, and he hopes fervently that their ideas of 'acts of evil' are limited to getting each other off while he's helpless to join in, but, well, he's having some serious doubts.
So Jeff has never in his life been happier to see Chad suddenly burst unannounced into the captain's quarters, wildly waving a phaser around.
"You okay Captain? Alaina sent me here to tell you our passengers are acting weird." He glances down at Jeff, still tied to the bed, and still half hard, and so what of it? Jeff's never shied away from the fact that he's a bit of a danger-junkie.
"Nice balls, Captain," Chad says appreciatively.
"Chad! Stop looking at my junk and untie me!"
The Js have stopped their cruel and unusual make-out session and are glaring at Chad.
"You can't stop the Hand and the Heart!" they say.
"No, but I can shoot you in the Dick and the Dick," Chad counters.
"NO!" cry Jared, Jensen, and Jeff together.
"Just, maybe, stun them?" Jeff adds weakly.
"Okay, Captain, but you know I'm gonna have conditions."
Jeff sighs. "Fine. Untie me and stun them until we figure out this stupid poppy-allergy thing, and you have a deal."
Chad somehow manages to whoop for joy, press his thumb to the intercom, and keep the phaser steady on the temporarily evil Jensen and Jared all at the same time. Jeff thinks maybe Chad deserves a raise. And if that's not indicative of how out of control things have spun...
"You heard him Alaina!" Chad gloats into the com. "Reset our course for Antares-four. Mayhem's gonna get his balls back!"
And I'm tagging homo_pink! Good luck ;)
Author: tipsy-kitty
Rating: R?
Pairing: J2, maybe J3, maybe more...
Warning: Bondage! Because hi, have we met?
Word Count: 1,600
Summary: In which they finally get out of Dodge, but Jeff learns he's made a huge mistake.
"Goddamn it, Jeff," Alaina sighs. "Now you've jinxed it."
Jeff is still mentally patting them on their collective backs when a low voice breaks the silence.
"Not so fast, false king," Misha growls from the doorway.
"You couldn't just leave quietly?" Alaina snaps at Jeff. "You had to go and mouth off like an idiot when there are still five more chapters? Fucking moron."
Jeff would like to accuse her of insubordination, except she makes a pretty fine point. Still, he needs to defend his honor. "Hey! It could have been five chapters of frisky bedroom games, you don't know!"
She mutters something that sounds like 'denouement,' or possibly 'illiterate moron,' but Jeff ignores her in favor of turning his attention back to Misha, who is lurching towards them in a deeply unsettling way.
"You come to my planet acting as a savior?" Misha rasps. "I am the savior!"
"What's with his voice?" Jeff wonders aloud, noting that it sounds as though Misha has been gargling gravel since he left the party a scant few minutes before.
"Ohhh-" Jensen begins.
"-shit," Jared finishes.
"That's not Misha," they say together.
"What, he has a twin? Does like, everybody here have an evil twin?" Chad asks. Then his eyes widen. "Does Danneel have a twin?"
"Shut up, Chad," Jeff says automatically, turning to Jensen and Jared. "What's the deal with Misha, or whoever he is now?"
"He just gets like this sometimes," Jensen says. "It's like a… schizoaffective religious mania? Or something?"
Jeff frowns. "In the common tongue please, and slowly?"
"He... thinks... he's... a... god," Jared explains. Slowly. "Named Castiel, of all things."
"Wait, that's a real condition?" Alaina asks.
Jensen shrugs. "Maybe? I don't really have time to research it right now."
"Not a god, I am God," Misha intones, waving a stick at them threateningly. "And you will kneel before me, you brave little--"
"Oh, for fuck's sake," Alaina says, and promptly knocks Misha unconscious with a swift roundhouse kick to the head. "I would seriously rather search the universe for Chad's goddamn testicles then deal with this forsaken planet for another minute."
"Yeah, you would baby," Chad leers.
Alaina glances at Jeff. "Can I knock him out too?"
"Only if you want to carry him back to the ship," Jeff sighs. "C'mon, let's move out."
"Wait! We can't leave Misha here!" Jensen says quickly. "He does get pretty smite-y when he's like this."
"How? It's not like he actually has any godly powers." Jeff says. "Uh, right?" he adds hopefully.
"No, but he carries that wicked staff and knocks the villagers out with it," Jared says.
"If you wanna see a wicked staff..." Chad starts.
"Shut up, Chad!" everybody shouts in unison.
"Pick him up," Jeff says tiredly, feeling all at once the toll on his body from the ale and the strange feast-meats and the general ridiculousness of the past few days.
"Seriously?!" Alaina protests.
"Seriously. Look, we'll lock him in the brig, take him as far as Antares-3, and dump him. When he's better he can catch a lift back to Dodge."
Jeff doesn't admit aloud that he's grown rather fond of his dim-witted subjects, and doesn't want to leave them in the clutches of a staff-wielding religio-whatever.
He also doesn't admit aloud that the sooner they get back to the ship, the sooner Jensen and Jared can begin thanking him for taking them off this dung heap of a planet. Preferably with a long and lovingly administered tongue bath.
Jared picks up Mish-tiel and throws him over one (lickably) broad shoulder as Jeff leads them towards the water and, hopefully, to freedom.
"Is the ship ready to fly then? Where's your engineer?" Jensen asks. Jeff spends a little too much time staring at Jensen's (lickably) lush mouth before answering.
"Hmm? Oh, Felicia? She's been sleeping with the ship. Should have her ready by now."
"Don't you mean sleeping on the ship?" Jared asks, forehead scrunched in confusion.
"Sure," Jeff evades, trying valiantly to ignore the memory of walking in on Felicia 'tuning up' the ship's thrusters some months back.
When they reach the shore, they discover that Felicia does indeed have everything ready for take-off.
"Seriously?" she asks Alaina when she sees them climbing the gangplank with an unconscious Misha in tow. "I thought this guy hated us."
"Seriously," Alaina confirms. "He hated us when he was just a paranoid, power-hungry bureaucrat. Now he's a homicidal nut job with a God complex, so obviously Jeff thought we should bring him along with us."
"Obviously."
"Ladies," Jeff says, raising his hands to placate them before he has a(nother) mutiny on his hands.
"If you finish that sentence," Alaina says sweetly, "this ship is going to have another ball-less crew member."
"Noted. Carry on."
Jeff shows Jared and Jensen to the tiny compartment they'll share, and then readies the ship for departure. Once Chad has plotted their wormhole-free course, Jeff leaves the controls to Alaina and retires to his own bunk for some much needed rest.
He's barely closed his eyes when his door opens and Jensen and Jared enter.
"We thought you might like some company," Jensen says.
"And by 'company' we mean sex," Jared adds.
Jeff's dick perks up immediately, and the rest of him follows quickly. "C'mon in," he says, sitting up on his elbows and flashing them his most rakish grin, which does not resemble the face of a gassy toddler, no matter what Felicia says.
It is not a large bunk, and they are none of them small men, and things get rather sweaty and confusing in short order. There are hands and lips and half-naked, distantly related boys climbing all over Jeff, until finally Jensen pushes Jeff onto his back on the tiny officer's bed and asks, "Let us take care of you?"
Jeff nods quickly. Jared holds up the rope that had been keeping his precariously low-hanging pants in place and raises an eyebrow, and like Jeff's going to say no to anything now? He nods again, more quickly, until his brain feels a bit rattled from blood-loss and hasty agreement.
Jensen kneels on his chest and secures his wrists to the headboard, while Jared removes Jeff's pants.
A question occurs to Jeff, several chapters too late as usual.
"How, uh, how often does that thing happen with Misha?" Jeff asks as the Js are getting ready to, hopefully, worship his body with their tongues before taking turns sitting on his prick.
"Hmm? Oh, not too often. He probably just got too close to the poppies."
"The… poppies?" Jeff suddenly has a very bad feeling about the contraband flowers he ordered to be placed in the hold.
"We told you-" says Jensen.
"-that we're allergic," Jared finishes.
"Umm," Jeff says. His brain has been rather unhelpfully supplying all his blood to other parts of his body, and it's taking him a minute to catch up. "But, allergies, that's like, sneezing and stuff, right?"
"Not on Dodge."
He's fully secured to the headboard now, watching as Jared and Jensen stand at the foot of the bed and press their sweaty, shirtless torsos together.
"Poppies make us a little prone to committing acts of evil," Jensen says, as his hands roam over the broad expanse of Jared's back. "You should see this guy-" he breaks off to suck Jared's lower lip into his mouth. "It's like he's got no soul, it's the hottest..."
"And Jensen," Jared says, pulling away from the kiss to run a thumb across Jensen's sensuous lower lip. He catches Jeff's eye and smirks wickedly. "He's practically a demon. In the sack."
"How very, um, interesting," Jeff says, surreptitiously tugging at his bonds.
"Luckily the poppies are 7,000 miles behind us by now, right?" Jensen says, his eyes so dark Jeff can't tell where the pupil ends and the iris begins.
"Well, now, about that," Jeff hedges.
But they're kissing each other again while Jeff can only watch helplessly, and he hopes fervently that their ideas of 'acts of evil' are limited to getting each other off while he's helpless to join in, but, well, he's having some serious doubts.
So Jeff has never in his life been happier to see Chad suddenly burst unannounced into the captain's quarters, wildly waving a phaser around.
"You okay Captain? Alaina sent me here to tell you our passengers are acting weird." He glances down at Jeff, still tied to the bed, and still half hard, and so what of it? Jeff's never shied away from the fact that he's a bit of a danger-junkie.
"Nice balls, Captain," Chad says appreciatively.
"Chad! Stop looking at my junk and untie me!"
The Js have stopped their cruel and unusual make-out session and are glaring at Chad.
"You can't stop the Hand and the Heart!" they say.
"No, but I can shoot you in the Dick and the Dick," Chad counters.
"NO!" cry Jared, Jensen, and Jeff together.
"Just, maybe, stun them?" Jeff adds weakly.
"Okay, Captain, but you know I'm gonna have conditions."
Jeff sighs. "Fine. Untie me and stun them until we figure out this stupid poppy-allergy thing, and you have a deal."
Chad somehow manages to whoop for joy, press his thumb to the intercom, and keep the phaser steady on the temporarily evil Jensen and Jared all at the same time. Jeff thinks maybe Chad deserves a raise. And if that's not indicative of how out of control things have spun...
"You heard him Alaina!" Chad gloats into the com. "Reset our course for Antares-four. Mayhem's gonna get his balls back!"
And I'm tagging homo_pink! Good luck ;)