words of love and apologies
Sam? I’m home.
I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to think how to explain this to you. Just know I never meant to hurt you the way I did. It was wrong of me to take off the way I did. At the time it seemed like the only option left, besides getting drunk, to deal with all these thoughts I had. (And I know you don’t like me getting drunk, so…)
At the very least, I should’ve left a note, I should’ve talked to you, I… I’m sorry.
I know how worried I was when you unexpectedly went were forced on that family road trip and I shouldn’t have put you through the same thing. It wasn’t fair of me, and I know this is no excuse, but I really wasn’t thinking.
All that was going through my mind was, ‘I need to get out of here.’ This had nothing to do with you though. You know I’m happy with you. I would trade in everything, as long as I can be with you. I love you more than life itself and maybe I don’t say it enough. But I do. I need you to know this. Please don’t think I’m leaving you. I would never.
But this was something I, as it turned out, really needed to do. I drove off with no clear vision of where I was going to and it gave me time to think.
Everyone’s happiness; the babies, the proposals, everything in general, it was getting to me, when I was just down all the time. I couldn’t find it in me to be happy for them anymore. Trying was just so damn tiring.
Why I was down? I still really can’t tell you. I haven’t found the answer to that question yet. But I have found peace within myself. It’s weird to explain, and even harder to put in words. So just know that even though I’m still confused as to why, I am fine. I feel like I can be me again without upsetting myself or my friends.
This is turning into a very long, long letter, so I’ll just stop now and wait for you to get home.
I love you.
Love, Jess.
P.s. As I was driving, I subconsciously drove to my parents.
I know, sudden. But I suddenly was just there in front of their house. I figured that if I was there, I better go see them. They were so happy to see me back, Sam. They welcomed me with open arms! I never imagined this. Everything that belonged to me… they kept it. Nothing was thrown away.
About explaining to them what happened the past few years…. Well, they were so happy to just have me back, they haven’t asked questions yet. I came home to you before they did. I couldn’t handle missing you for a day longer. And maybe I wanted to avoid that part at the time.
I have told them about you and they know we’re married. They’d love to have us both over, some day. During my drive home, I was thinking that when we go up to visit them, you could help me explain? If you still want to that is…
P.p.s. Daddy said he wouldn’t take out his gun this time. (I also locked it in a closet and have the key with me)
P.p.p.s. Sir, could you take a look at my car? I don’t know what’s wrong with it, but it’s making weird noises.
/frets/
I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to think how to explain this to you. Just know I never meant to hurt you the way I did. It was wrong of me to take off the way I did. At the time it seemed like the only option left, besides getting drunk, to deal with all these thoughts I had. (And I know you don’t like me getting drunk, so…)
At the very least, I should’ve left a note, I should’ve talked to you, I… I’m sorry.
I know how worried I was when you unexpectedly went were forced on that family road trip and I shouldn’t have put you through the same thing. It wasn’t fair of me, and I know this is no excuse, but I really wasn’t thinking.
All that was going through my mind was, ‘I need to get out of here.’ This had nothing to do with you though. You know I’m happy with you. I would trade in everything, as long as I can be with you. I love you more than life itself and maybe I don’t say it enough. But I do. I need you to know this. Please don’t think I’m leaving you. I would never.
But this was something I, as it turned out, really needed to do. I drove off with no clear vision of where I was going to and it gave me time to think.
Everyone’s happiness; the babies, the proposals, everything in general, it was getting to me, when I was just down all the time. I couldn’t find it in me to be happy for them anymore. Trying was just so damn tiring.
Why I was down? I still really can’t tell you. I haven’t found the answer to that question yet. But I have found peace within myself. It’s weird to explain, and even harder to put in words. So just know that even though I’m still confused as to why, I am fine. I feel like I can be me again without upsetting myself or my friends.
This is turning into a very long, long letter, so I’ll just stop now and wait for you to get home.
I love you.
Love, Jess.
P.s. As I was driving, I subconsciously drove to my parents.
I know, sudden. But I suddenly was just there in front of their house. I figured that if I was there, I better go see them. They were so happy to see me back, Sam. They welcomed me with open arms! I never imagined this. Everything that belonged to me… they kept it. Nothing was thrown away.
About explaining to them what happened the past few years…. Well, they were so happy to just have me back, they haven’t asked questions yet. I came home to you before they did. I couldn’t handle missing you for a day longer. And maybe I wanted to avoid that part at the time.
I have told them about you and they know we’re married. They’d love to have us both over, some day. During my drive home, I was thinking that when we go up to visit them, you could help me explain? If you still want to that is…
P.p.s. Daddy said he wouldn’t take out his gun this time. (I also locked it in a closet and have the key with me)
P.p.p.s. Sir, could you take a look at my car? I don’t know what’s wrong with it, but it’s making weird noises.
/frets/