IT'S PRETTY MUCH SUNDAY
DEAR DIARY,
FIRST OF ALL, I'M GOING TO KILL MEPHISTOPHELES. A NICE DRAWN-OUT, CAREFULLY EXECUTED DEATH, BECAUSE THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR.
LET'S RECAP, SHALL WE?
MAGGIE COMES BACK FROM VEGAS AND SHARES PHOTOS OF HER ADVENTURES. INCLUDING ONE IN WHICH SHE PRETENDS SHE GOT MARRIED TO DRACULA. YEAH IDGI EITHER BUT I IMAGINE IT MADE SENSE TO HER DRUNK SELF. EVERYONE PRETTY MUCH GOES "VEGAS? YAY." EXCEPT HARRY WHO IS JEALOUS UNTIL SHE COMPLIMENTS HIS CHEST.
SAM REMINDS EVERYONE THAT HE'S GETTING MARRIED TO JESS SOON. PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE CONFIRMS THAT THEY'LL BE THERE.
RAPHAEL INFORMS EVERYONE AS TO WHERE HE'S BEEN. HE'S QUICKLY FILLED IN ON THE FACT THAT MEFFY IS AROUND. A BUNCH OF PEOPLE ROLL THEIR EYES AT THE FACT THAT HE'S BACK. MICHAEL AND I ARGUE ABOUT TAKING CARE OF MEFFY, SINCE HE WANTS TO SMITE HIM AND THUS KILL BECKY TOO. MEFFY AND I HAVE A LONG DISCUSSION -- NAMELY ABOUT LILITH AND WHETHER OR NOT I OUGHT TO "JUST GO GET ON YOUR KNEES FOR MIKE LIKE OLD TIMES." MEFFY ALSO PISSES OFF JUST ABOUT EVERYONE, EXCEPT LILITH WHO IS KINDA ALL OVER HIM.
ADAM GOES OUT FOR A JOG AND MEETS MEFFY, WHO IMMEDIATELY BENDS HIM TO HIS WILL. ADAM GETS REFERRED TO AS KITTEN, AND BASICALLY IS REALLY HOT AND REALLY HORNY. DESPITE SOME BEST INTENTIONS, HE GETS LAID A PRETTY DECENT AMOUNT IN A PRETTY SHORT TIME, CAUSING PEOPLE TO GET VERY PISSED AT HOW BADLY HE'S BEING USED. ... YEAH, ADAM? STILL SORRY ABOUT THAT.
JO IS GOING ON A HUNT AT A LIGHTHOUSE, BUT MEG IS STAYING HOME TO DEAL WITH THEIR HELLHOUNDS AND ... WTF IS THAT CAT? THE ONE THAT'S NAMED AFTER ME.... I'M SO DISAPPOINTED. EVERYONE PRETTY MUCH WISHES HER LUCK.
ELLEN OPENS THE ROADHOUSE UP. MEFFY GETS IN THERE AND COMPLAINS ABOUT IT BEING NEUTRAL. TESSA IS EXHAUSTED AND HUNGRY, AND DOESN'T KNOW WHERE THINGS STAND WITH DEAN. HARRY IS CONFUSED. MEFFY TALKS TO MEG ABOUT MARRYING A HUNTER. DEATH IS HAVING FUN, MARY IS RUNNING ERRANDS, BRADY GETS HIT ON BY ADAM. JESS AND MAGGIE ARE BOTH STILL SICK AND CONCUSSED RESPECTIVELY. LILITH AND MEFFY ARE KIND OF ALL OVER EACH OTHER. GABE AND ELLEN TALK FOR A VERY LONG TIME, AND TOTALLY KISS. ADAM IS RUDE TO ELLEN AND MARY WHICH PISSES SIR OFF. MARY AND JOHN THEN HAVE SEX. NO ONE IS SURPRISED, BUT EVERYONE IS GRATEFUL THEY WENT DOWN TO THE PANIC ROOM. HENRIKSEN WANTS A NEW IDENTITY, AND I AM EXHAUSTED SO ELLEN GIVES ME COFFEE. JOHN IS DESPERATE TO GET CRAZY DRUNK, AND ANDY IS SLIGHTLY PHILOSOPHICAL.
MEFFY UPDATES EVERYONE ON WHAT HE'S BEEN DOING TOPSIDE. TESSA STARTS OFF MAD AT HIM, BUT THEY HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION. CHUCK FINALLY FINDS OUT THAT HIS WIFE IS NOT HIS WIFE, AND CLAIMS HE DOESN'T DO FAVOURITES. WHICH EVERYONE TOTALLY BUYS FULLY AND COMPLETELY BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH. /SIGHS HAPPILY/. MEFFY CONVERTS MAGGIE TO BE ANOTHER DEVOTEE, AND DEATH CHEERS MEFFY ON IN GENERAL. LILITH FLIRTS EVEN MORE WITH MEFFY, WHO GOT HER LILIES AND EVERYONE ELSE BASICALLY GETS ANNOYED AT HIM.
AT PESTI'S REQUEST, I MOJO MAGGIE BACK TO NORMAL, BUT IT TAKES THE LAST OF MY ENERGY, AND I... /IS EMBARRASSED/ COLLAPSE. GABE MAKES ME STAY IN BED, AND MOST EVERYONE IS GLAD THAT I FIXED MAGGIE UP. EXCEPT MAGGIE WHO, DESPERATE AFTER HARRY LEFT, WANTS TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE? FINE "THANK YOU FOR HEALING ME LUCIFER" THAT WAS.
MICHAEL ACTUALLY WENT A LITTLE BADASS AND FIXED ADAM UP. UNFORTUNATELY, HE THEN WENT STRAIGHT TO ASS AND KILLED MYSELF, ED, AND GABE. HE BROUGHT THE OTHER TWO BACK, BUT LEFT ME TO CRAWL OUTTA HELL MYSELF. PROBABLY BETTER -- DON'T EVEN CARE TO HAVE HIM DOWN THERE. EVERYONE IS GENERALLY "OMG YAY ADAM IS BACK" AND SIMULTANEOUSLY "OMG WTF BBQ!? WHY'D YOU KILL THEM!?"
MEFFY, FEELING SPURNED BY HIS KITTEN PUTS EVERYONE BUT THE ANGELS UNDER WHAT CAN ONLY BE CALLED A 'TRUTH SPELL'. PEOPLE START SPILLING THEIR GUTS LEFT AND RIGHT --- INCLUDING, AMONG OTHER GEMS, THE FACT THAT TESSA STILL LOVES MICHAEL, ANDY TO ADMIT THAT BEING CONTROLLED SOMEWHAT TURNS HIM ON (POWER SWITCH THERE, ANDY?) AND THE FACT THAT WHILE SHE ONCE DID, LILITH NO LONGER LOVES MEFFY. THIS PISSED HIM OFF, BUT HEY, I'M HAPPY.
PESTILENCE, NOTING THAT HARRY IS REGRETTING HIS LIFE MAKES HIM WATCH PIXAR MOVIES TO CHEER HIM UP. MAGGIE HANGS AROUND OUTSIDE AND SIR JOINS THEM FOR MOVIE WATCHING TIME.
CASEY TALKS ABOUT HER NEW JOB, WHICH INVOLVES HUNTING DOWN PEDOS AND TEACHING THEM WHAT'S WHAT. HENRIKSEN BECOMES HER PARTNER IN... VIGILANTISM. MOST PEOPLE KINDA AVOID THE SUBJECT OF THE KILLING AND TORTURING, BUT AGREE WITH WHO SHE'S GOING AFTER.
WAR IS DRUNK AND IS SICK OF BEING NICE. ALSO HE'S AVA'S DAD. THIS LEADS TO DEATH FREAKING OUT, LOTS OF PEOPLE GOING BZUH? OR LAUGHING.
ED, ADAM AND GABE HAVE A GUY'S NIGHT WHICH RESULTS IN ADAM AND GABE GETTING INCREDIBLY WASTED. ANDY SHOWS UP AND IS INVITED TO JOIN IN THE REVELRY.
MEFFY POSTS A BUNCH OF FICS THAT BECKY HAD WRITTEN BUT NEVER INTENDED FOR ANYONE TO READ. I AM FOCUSING ON THAT FACT VERY VERY HARD RN. IT'S NOT REALLY HELPING. PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE REACHES FOR BOOZE, EXCEPT ME BECAUSE I'M ABSTAINING, AND I'M PUKING FROM THE THOUGHT OF THIS, AND I DON'T REALLY NEED TO ADD ALCOHOL TO THAT MIXTURE, NOW DO I? EXCEPT WAR, WHO DOESN'T NEED ANY MORE AND APPLAUDS. DEATH ALSO SNICKERS... ALL I CAN SAY IS
OML YOU GUYS. REALLY?
ED IS IN THE HOSPITAL WITH MAGGIE WHO GOT HIT BY A CAR. ANDY RUSHES OVER, LIKE A BAMF. MICHAEL IS DRUNK OFF HIS ASS, AND MOST PEOPLE ARE PRETTY CONCERNED ABOUT MAGGIE.
AVA CALLS BALONEY ON WAR'S CLAIM THAT HE'S HER FATHER. PEOPLE ARE SYMPATHETIC - WELL SOME - BUT THE GENERAL CONSENSUS IS THAT, NO, WAR'S NOT LYING.
AND NOW I'M GOING BACK TO FIGURING OUT HOW THE HELL I'M GONNA GET MEFFY OUTTA BECKY SO THAT I CAN END HIM ONCE AND FOR ALL. I'D SAY SORRY WAR, DEATH, BUT I'M REALLY NOT. MEFFY? I'M COMING FOR YOU.
FIRST OF ALL, I'M GOING TO KILL MEPHISTOPHELES. A NICE DRAWN-OUT, CAREFULLY EXECUTED DEATH, BECAUSE THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR.
LET'S RECAP, SHALL WE?
MAGGIE COMES BACK FROM VEGAS AND SHARES PHOTOS OF HER ADVENTURES. INCLUDING ONE IN WHICH SHE PRETENDS SHE GOT MARRIED TO DRACULA. YEAH IDGI EITHER BUT I IMAGINE IT MADE SENSE TO HER DRUNK SELF. EVERYONE PRETTY MUCH GOES "VEGAS? YAY." EXCEPT HARRY WHO IS JEALOUS UNTIL SHE COMPLIMENTS HIS CHEST.
SAM REMINDS EVERYONE THAT HE'S GETTING MARRIED TO JESS SOON. PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE CONFIRMS THAT THEY'LL BE THERE.
RAPHAEL INFORMS EVERYONE AS TO WHERE HE'S BEEN. HE'S QUICKLY FILLED IN ON THE FACT THAT MEFFY IS AROUND. A BUNCH OF PEOPLE ROLL THEIR EYES AT THE FACT THAT HE'S BACK. MICHAEL AND I ARGUE ABOUT TAKING CARE OF MEFFY, SINCE HE WANTS TO SMITE HIM AND THUS KILL BECKY TOO. MEFFY AND I HAVE A LONG DISCUSSION -- NAMELY ABOUT LILITH AND WHETHER OR NOT I OUGHT TO "JUST GO GET ON YOUR KNEES FOR MIKE LIKE OLD TIMES." MEFFY ALSO PISSES OFF JUST ABOUT EVERYONE, EXCEPT LILITH WHO IS KINDA ALL OVER HIM.
ADAM GOES OUT FOR A JOG AND MEETS MEFFY, WHO IMMEDIATELY BENDS HIM TO HIS WILL. ADAM GETS REFERRED TO AS KITTEN, AND BASICALLY IS REALLY HOT AND REALLY HORNY. DESPITE SOME BEST INTENTIONS, HE GETS LAID A PRETTY DECENT AMOUNT IN A PRETTY SHORT TIME, CAUSING PEOPLE TO GET VERY PISSED AT HOW BADLY HE'S BEING USED. ... YEAH, ADAM? STILL SORRY ABOUT THAT.
JO IS GOING ON A HUNT AT A LIGHTHOUSE, BUT MEG IS STAYING HOME TO DEAL WITH THEIR HELLHOUNDS AND ... WTF IS THAT CAT? THE ONE THAT'S NAMED AFTER ME.... I'M SO DISAPPOINTED. EVERYONE PRETTY MUCH WISHES HER LUCK.
ELLEN OPENS THE ROADHOUSE UP. MEFFY GETS IN THERE AND COMPLAINS ABOUT IT BEING NEUTRAL. TESSA IS EXHAUSTED AND HUNGRY, AND DOESN'T KNOW WHERE THINGS STAND WITH DEAN. HARRY IS CONFUSED. MEFFY TALKS TO MEG ABOUT MARRYING A HUNTER. DEATH IS HAVING FUN, MARY IS RUNNING ERRANDS, BRADY GETS HIT ON BY ADAM. JESS AND MAGGIE ARE BOTH STILL SICK AND CONCUSSED RESPECTIVELY. LILITH AND MEFFY ARE KIND OF ALL OVER EACH OTHER. GABE AND ELLEN TALK FOR A VERY LONG TIME, AND TOTALLY KISS. ADAM IS RUDE TO ELLEN AND MARY WHICH PISSES SIR OFF. MARY AND JOHN THEN HAVE SEX. NO ONE IS SURPRISED, BUT EVERYONE IS GRATEFUL THEY WENT DOWN TO THE PANIC ROOM. HENRIKSEN WANTS A NEW IDENTITY, AND I AM EXHAUSTED SO ELLEN GIVES ME COFFEE. JOHN IS DESPERATE TO GET CRAZY DRUNK, AND ANDY IS SLIGHTLY PHILOSOPHICAL.
MEFFY UPDATES EVERYONE ON WHAT HE'S BEEN DOING TOPSIDE. TESSA STARTS OFF MAD AT HIM, BUT THEY HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION. CHUCK FINALLY FINDS OUT THAT HIS WIFE IS NOT HIS WIFE, AND CLAIMS HE DOESN'T DO FAVOURITES. WHICH EVERYONE TOTALLY BUYS FULLY AND COMPLETELY BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH. /SIGHS HAPPILY/. MEFFY CONVERTS MAGGIE TO BE ANOTHER DEVOTEE, AND DEATH CHEERS MEFFY ON IN GENERAL. LILITH FLIRTS EVEN MORE WITH MEFFY, WHO GOT HER LILIES AND EVERYONE ELSE BASICALLY GETS ANNOYED AT HIM.
AT PESTI'S REQUEST, I MOJO MAGGIE BACK TO NORMAL, BUT IT TAKES THE LAST OF MY ENERGY, AND I... /IS EMBARRASSED/ COLLAPSE. GABE MAKES ME STAY IN BED, AND MOST EVERYONE IS GLAD THAT I FIXED MAGGIE UP. EXCEPT MAGGIE WHO, DESPERATE AFTER HARRY LEFT, WANTS TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE? FINE "THANK YOU FOR HEALING ME LUCIFER" THAT WAS.
MICHAEL ACTUALLY WENT A LITTLE BADASS AND FIXED ADAM UP. UNFORTUNATELY, HE THEN WENT STRAIGHT TO ASS AND KILLED MYSELF, ED, AND GABE. HE BROUGHT THE OTHER TWO BACK, BUT LEFT ME TO CRAWL OUTTA HELL MYSELF. PROBABLY BETTER -- DON'T EVEN CARE TO HAVE HIM DOWN THERE. EVERYONE IS GENERALLY "OMG YAY ADAM IS BACK" AND SIMULTANEOUSLY "OMG WTF BBQ!? WHY'D YOU KILL THEM!?"
MEFFY, FEELING SPURNED BY HIS KITTEN PUTS EVERYONE BUT THE ANGELS UNDER WHAT CAN ONLY BE CALLED A 'TRUTH SPELL'. PEOPLE START SPILLING THEIR GUTS LEFT AND RIGHT --- INCLUDING, AMONG OTHER GEMS, THE FACT THAT TESSA STILL LOVES MICHAEL, ANDY TO ADMIT THAT BEING CONTROLLED SOMEWHAT TURNS HIM ON (POWER SWITCH THERE, ANDY?) AND THE FACT THAT WHILE SHE ONCE DID, LILITH NO LONGER LOVES MEFFY. THIS PISSED HIM OFF, BUT HEY, I'M HAPPY.
PESTILENCE, NOTING THAT HARRY IS REGRETTING HIS LIFE MAKES HIM WATCH PIXAR MOVIES TO CHEER HIM UP. MAGGIE HANGS AROUND OUTSIDE AND SIR JOINS THEM FOR MOVIE WATCHING TIME.
CASEY TALKS ABOUT HER NEW JOB, WHICH INVOLVES HUNTING DOWN PEDOS AND TEACHING THEM WHAT'S WHAT. HENRIKSEN BECOMES HER PARTNER IN... VIGILANTISM. MOST PEOPLE KINDA AVOID THE SUBJECT OF THE KILLING AND TORTURING, BUT AGREE WITH WHO SHE'S GOING AFTER.
WAR IS DRUNK AND IS SICK OF BEING NICE. ALSO HE'S AVA'S DAD. THIS LEADS TO DEATH FREAKING OUT, LOTS OF PEOPLE GOING BZUH? OR LAUGHING.
ED, ADAM AND GABE HAVE A GUY'S NIGHT WHICH RESULTS IN ADAM AND GABE GETTING INCREDIBLY WASTED. ANDY SHOWS UP AND IS INVITED TO JOIN IN THE REVELRY.
MEFFY POSTS A BUNCH OF FICS THAT BECKY HAD WRITTEN BUT NEVER INTENDED FOR ANYONE TO READ. I AM FOCUSING ON THAT FACT VERY VERY HARD RN. IT'S NOT REALLY HELPING. PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE REACHES FOR BOOZE, EXCEPT ME BECAUSE I'M ABSTAINING, AND I'M PUKING FROM THE THOUGHT OF THIS, AND I DON'T REALLY NEED TO ADD ALCOHOL TO THAT MIXTURE, NOW DO I? EXCEPT WAR, WHO DOESN'T NEED ANY MORE AND APPLAUDS. DEATH ALSO SNICKERS... ALL I CAN SAY IS
OML YOU GUYS. REALLY?
ED IS IN THE HOSPITAL WITH MAGGIE WHO GOT HIT BY A CAR. ANDY RUSHES OVER, LIKE A BAMF. MICHAEL IS DRUNK OFF HIS ASS, AND MOST PEOPLE ARE PRETTY CONCERNED ABOUT MAGGIE.
AVA CALLS BALONEY ON WAR'S CLAIM THAT HE'S HER FATHER. PEOPLE ARE SYMPATHETIC - WELL SOME - BUT THE GENERAL CONSENSUS IS THAT, NO, WAR'S NOT LYING.
AND NOW I'M GOING BACK TO FIGURING OUT HOW THE HELL I'M GONNA GET MEFFY OUTTA BECKY SO THAT I CAN END HIM ONCE AND FOR ALL. I'D SAY SORRY WAR, DEATH, BUT I'M REALLY NOT. MEFFY? I'M COMING FOR YOU.