LUCI'S DIARY (RECAP POST)
DEAR DIARY,
.... UNHOLY SHIT. REMIND ME NOT TO LET IT GO SO LONG WITHOUT WRITING IN HERE... IT REALLY SCREWS ME UP TO HAVE TO GO BACK ALMOST A MONTH.
PLUS THERE'S TOTALLY BETTER THINGS TO BE DOING WITH MY HANDS RIGHT NOW. BUT WHILE LILITH IS SLEEPING OFF OUR LATEST ACTIVITIES...
OKAY SO THIS KID NAMED CORBETT SHOWS UP, THANKS TO ME AND CHUCK AND BECKY GIVE HIM A DIARY. FROM WHAT I CAN TELL? HE'S GOT A SHIT-TON OF FEELINGS. HE APPARENTLY LOVES ED LIKE BURNING. EVERYONE THINKS HE'S AWESOME, WHICH, DUH, HE IS. THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT HIM BACK!
BECKY SHOWS OFF HER FAMILY VIA SCRAPBOOK AND EVERYONE COOS OVER THEM. SO BECKY GETS DRUNK. ADMITTEDLY THAT PROBABLY HAS MORE TO DO WITH CHUCK NOT BEING HOME YET THAN ANYTHING ELSE...
ELLEN OPENS UP THE BAR NOW WITH MASSAGE TABLES. (THAT WOMAN KNOWS HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE RIGHT.) WOMAN IS THE BEST BARTENDER EVER.
SAM HAS A MAJOR HEADACHE AND GIVES DEAN BACK HIS SOUL, IN SPITE OF DEAN RUNNING OFF TO MICHAEL. HE THEN FINDS OUT THAT WHILE DRUNK HE PROPOSED TO JESS. THEY DECIDE TO STILL SEE OTHER PEOPLE BUT MARRY AFTER THE APOCALYPSE IF THEY STILL WANT TO. OF COURSE, MARY JUMPS THE GUN AND DEMANDS THEY SET A DATE. NOW. DEAN AND TESSA TALK ABOUT HOW PRETTY HIS SOUL IS, AND HE ALMOST ASKS HER OUT, BUT THEN DOESN'T.
BECKY HAS SOME CRAZY DRUNK OFF HER ASS DREAMS ON THE BAR. PEOPLE ARE GENERALLY CONCERNED.
ANNA AND MARY SHARE SOME PHOTOS FROM THEIR BENDER.
SAM HAS A RIVETING TALE OF HOW HE STOPPED DEAN FROM RUINING HIS LIFE SAYING YES, AND DROPS A BOMBSHELL ON EVERYONE -- HIS BROTHER ADAM HAS BEEN BROUGHT BACK BY THE ANGELS. OH YEAH AND ZACH'S DEAD. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY... CAS WAS THE BIGGEST BAMF EVER.
AND THEN ADAM SHOWS UP AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE THE SHIT HITS THE FAN.
GABE AND I SHOW OFF PICS FROM OUR AMAZING ROADTRIP. WE WERE REALLY DRUNK. IT WAS AWESOME. MARY GOT HER PANTIES IN A TWIST OVER WHETHER I'D DRIVEN WHILE DRUNK, BUT EVERYTHING WORKED OUT.
SAM LOCKS ASH AND CASTIEL INTO A ROOM TO SORT OUT THEIR PROBLEMS. THIS IS SEEN AS GOOD BY EVERYONE EXCEPT, PERHAPS MYSELF. BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, THAT MULLET? HAS TO GO. ALSO, EVERYONE CONGRATULATED ANNA BECAUSE SHE AND GABE ARE TOTALLY GETTING HITCHED.
AVA DECIDES THAT HER VIOLENT MURDEROUS RAMPAGE WAS WRONG WHICH I THINK IS FALSE, BUT WHATEVER. ANYWAY, SHE DECIDED TO MAKE UP FOR IT. EVERYONE WAS PRETTY HAPPY. INCLUDING ME, AS I NOW OWN A PICK OF DESTINY.
BECKY AND CORBETT GO SHOPPING AND GET A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF. ALSO, CORBETT ENDS UP IN JAIL. WHOOPS?
CHUCK SHARES DETAILS OF HIS WALK WITH BECKY AND THE TRIPLETS. RAFFI, CONCERNED ONLY WITH THE EASE OF HIS JOB, LECTURES CHUCK TO BE CAREFUL. LAME, RAFFI. LAME.
ADAM INTRODUCES HIMSELF LIKE THE SNARKY BAMF HE IS. I SUSPECT HE HAS A LITTLE THING FOR MICHAEL, THOUGH....AND IT SEEMS TO BE MUTUAL.
TESSA, JESS AND ED BAMF CORBETT OUT OF JAIL AND EVERYONE IS JELLUS OF JESS' CAR. BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME.
I SHARE THE BEST STORY EVER WITH THE CLASS - CASTIEL THE UNICORN 2. WHICH LEADS TO EVERYONE BEING ALL 'YOU'RE CRAZY! GO SEE CHUCK!' WHICH I DID, AND HE SAID I'M FINE, SO THERE.
TESSA GIVES THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT FAMOUS PEOPLE HAVE BEEN LIKE WHEN THEY DIE. NO ONE IS SUPER SURPRISED BY THE INFO, EXCEPT MAYBE THE PART WHERE EINSTEIN WAS THE BIGGEST CREEPER TO CREEP. AND AROUND HERE? THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.
MICHAEL DECIDES TO BRAG HIMSELF UP A BIT, AND POSTS A PICTURE OF HIM STANDING ON ME WHILE I'M NAKED. PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE MOCKS HIS DRESS. AND THEN HE THREATENS ME SOME MORE WITH MORE NAKED ME PICTURES, WHICH IS A HORRIFYING THEME. ALSO, IT BROUGHT TO LIGHT MY FEAR OF SHOWERING. (I LIKE BATHS JUST FINE, BUT SHOWERS HAVE BEEN AN ISSUE. IN SUMMATION, YOU'RE A JERK, MICHAEL. SERIOUSLY.
ALISTAIR CREEPS THE ENTIRE TREEHOUSE OUT IN 17 WORDS AND A VIDEO.
ELLEN GOES ON VACATION AT A REALLY CREEPY LOOKING CAMP AND THREATENS WHOEVER BUGS HER WITH BODILY HARM. I THINK WE ALL KNOW THAT SHE'S SERIOUS ABOUT SUCH THINGS.
SAM LETS CAS AND ASH OUT OF THE ROOM, AND APPARENTLY CASH IS BACK ON. HOORAY /END SARCASM. BECKY POINTS THIS IDEA COULD WORK FOR SAM AND JESS, AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IS HAPPY.
SAM AND DEAN AND GABE THROW ME A BACHELOR PARTY WHICH AVA TRIED TO CRASH, AND ALL IN ALL WAS A PRETTY GOOD TIME.
BECKY WROTE A STORY ABOUT HER HOPES AND DREAMS FOR DEAN/TESSA AND HER FAMILY. WHICH, ODDLY ENOUGH INCLUDED LILITH AND I. WHICH WAS KINDA AWESOME. AND SWEET.
SAM THEN TRIES TO FIX HIS FAMILY VIA MUSIC WHICH, SORRY SAM BUT LULZ. ALSO, HE'S TOTALLY EMO ABOUT IT. OH WAIT, I DIDN'T NEED TO SAY THAT....
BECKY THROWS HER PARENTS A SURPRISE PARTY FOR THEIR BIRTHDAYS. SAM IS CONFUSED (NOT REALLY SURPRISING), MARY IS IN TEARS, AND EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST HAPPY FOR AN EXCUSE TO
CUT LOOSE.
ANDY GIVES THE TREEHOUSE SOME PRESENTS WHICH BASICALLY MEANS A LOT OF POT AND PIPES AND STUFF. I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LIKED THIS DUDE.
SAM GOES SWIMMING BY HIMSELF AND ENDS UP ON A STRANGE ISLAND. COOL STORY, BRO. DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY STUFF HAPPENS TO YOU? IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SAFETY CONSCIOUS AND SWIMMING WITH A BUDDY. ON THE OTHER SIDE, DEAN AND LILITH WORKED TOGETHER.....
BECKY SHARES A FAMILY PORTRAIT. SHE'S LESS THAN IMPRESSED WITH HOW OLD THE WEE ONES LOOK.
WAR WRITES A LETTER AND APPARENTLY HAS SOME ANGEL BLOOD. ... THIS IS NEVER ALL THAT GOOD, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
SAM HAS A LIST OF DOS AND DON'TS AND PROMISES TO FILL IN THE ASK SAM QUESTIONS WHEN HE GETS OFF THE ISLAND. LUCKILY DEAN AND LILITH CAN PUT ASIDE THEIR DIFFERENCES AND WORK TOGETHER, SO THEY BAMFED OVER AND GOT SAM BACK. THEY IMMEDIATELY GO BACK TO THEIR WEIRD LITTLE FEUD THOUGH.
AND THEN HARRY SHOWS UP. YEAH. GHOSTFACER HARRY. WHO IMMEDIATELY ASKS HOW TO KILL TESSA. TO HER FACE. GOOD GOING, HARRY. HE ALSO PISSES OFF BOBBY, WHO'S EVIL!SIDE KILLS HIM. LUCKILY, DEATH IS ANNOYED BY THIS, AND SHOVES HIM OUT OF THE AFTERLIFE.
SPARKLE!BOBBY REVEALS ALISTAIR'S CHEATING SIDE AND DUMPS HIM WITH A FLOURISH AND SPARKLES. ALISTAIR ACTUALLY APOLOGIZES, BUT NONE OF THE BOBBIES ARE HAVING ANY OF IT.
SIR CRIES BECAUSE APPARENTLY DEATH KILLED MARY AFTER GIVING HER A BUNCH OF CANCER. -- YOU BEEN HANGING OUT WITH ZACH, DEATH? ALSO, APPARENTLY ANDY THINKS HE IS A BUNNY. YEAH, I DON'T KNOW HOW I MISSED THAT PREVIOUSLY, BUT THERE YOU GO. HE'S A BUNNY. GOOD JOB, GABE.
SAM ALSO GOES RIDICULOUSLY EMO OVER MARY AND THREATENS TO THROW HIMSELF OFF A CLIFF. (HOW'D YOU GET TO DOVER, ANYHOW, SAMUEL?) RAFFI SAYS WE'RE MADE FOR EACH OTHER, BUT SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT EMO LIKE THIS AT ALL... I WONDER IF I GOT DOUBLE THE AWESOME GLANDS AND SAM GOT DOUBLE THE EMO GLAND. THAT... WOULD MAKE A LOT OF SENSE.
ALISTAIR MAKES A HEARTWARMING AND PUBLIC APOLOGY TO BOBBY, WHO IGNORES IT. SIR ON THE OTHER HAND, ALMOST KINDA CHEERS HIM UP - OR AT LEAST HE TRIES TO DO SO.
MICHAEL IN A MOMENT OF AWESOME (HEY YOU GOT ONE! GOOD FOR YOU, BROTHER) BRINGS MARY BACK. DEATH CLAIMS IT'S NOT MARY, HE BROUGHT BACK, HE CLAIMS IT IS....
MEANWHILE ANNA GETS HERSELF CAUGHT AND THROWN INTO ANGEL PRISON. GABE GOES TO BREAK HER OUT, RAFFI THROWS A BITCHFIT AND PULLS HER HAIR AND THEN LETS HER GO BECAUSE SHE PROMISES TO BEHAVE. NOW I WANNA PROMISE TO BEHAVE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. ALSO, DEATH IS BEHIND HER GETTING CAUGHT TOO.
CORBETT AND ED TELL THE TALE OF THEIR GHOSTHUNTING ADVENTURE. WHICH BASICALLY MEANT THEY WERE REALLLLLLLY HIGH AND SPOONED.
SAM GIVES BECKY A TINY DEAN!OWL THAT WAS FOLLOWING HIM AROUND ON THE ISLAND. THE REALLY INTERESTING PART OF THIS TALE IS THAT LITTLE!DEAN HAS A MATCHING LITTLE PECKER, AND DEAN KNOWS ABOUT HARRY POTTER.
AVA AND ANDY ANNOUNCE THEIR BREAKUP. WTF. I TOTALLY GOT THOSE TWO TOGETHER TO BEGIN WITH. WHY DIDN'T THIS WORK? /FROWNS/ OH, RIGHT DEAN.
ELLEN FINDS AVA, BECKY AND JESS DRINKING THROUGH HER BAR. SHE OPENS IT UP TO EVERYONE ELSE, WITH THE DRUNK GIRLS TO PROVIDE ENTERTAINMENT.
SIR DISCUSSES THE NAMES THAT HIS FAMILY USES. NOT SATISFIED WITH THAT, HE GOES ON TO TELL US ALL WHAT OUR NAMES MEAN. MINE IS THE BAMFING 'CARRIER OF LIGHT', GABE IS 'STRONG ONE OF GOD' (DUDE, WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THIS...) AND MICHAEL IS QUESTIONABLE.
ELLEN DETAILS HER VACATION AND PROVES YET AGAIN HOW BAMF SHE IS.
BECKY ARRANGES A DATE FOR HER AND CHUCK THAT IS VERY SWEET. ALSO, SHE LOSES HER V-CARD AGAIN. WHICH, BY THE WAY, I AM SORRY ABOUT.
SAM TALKS ABOUT THE SHOWDOWN BETWEEN MYSELF AND THE GODS. OH BALDUR, YOU MISERABLE WRETCH. THE REST -- WELL, I'M NOT SURE I CAN SAY IT, EXACTLY. I MEAN, I WAS ON FIRE - WALKING IN, BUSTING HEADS... AND THEN ... OH LUCIFER. GABE AND I ARGUED. AND HE CAME AT ME FROM BEHIND.... AND I KILLED HIM.
DEAN IMMEDIATELY THREW A FUNERAL/YAY YOU'RE BACK PARTY 'CAUSE DEATH HAD GONE TO GET GABE. HE WANTED EVERYONE TO SAY SOMETHING NICE, AND EVEN LET ME... BEFORE KICKING ME OUT AGAIN.
DEATH BROUGHT GABE BACK, BUT MADE IT VERY CLEAR THAT SHE WAS NOT AT ALL IMPRESSED WITH HIM OR WITH ME. OF COURSE, EVERYONE WAS PISSED WITH ME, SO THIS IS REALLY NOTHING.
ALISTAIR CUTS IN ON THE LUCIFER!HATE AND GABE!MISSING!ANGST AND TRIES TO MAKE A HUGE GESTURE TO BOBBY AND GET HIM TO TAKE HIM BACK.
GABE EXPLAINS HIMSELF AND APOLOGIZES TO ME, WHICH EVERYONE BITCHES AT HIM ABOUT. BUT HE ALSO JOINS TEAM FREE-WILL FULL STOP. AND THEN...
THIS CONVERSATION BREAKS EVERYONE EVER. EXCEPT MICHAEL WHO IS A JERK AND SAYS THAT I'M PUTTING ON AN ACT.
CHUCK IS PISSED AT THE GHOSTFACERS. WELL REALLY HE'S MORE HURT -- BUT HE, OUT OF EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD, ACTUALLY DOESN'T HATE ME ON PRINCIPLE. SO, THAT'S GOOD AT LEAST. AND THEN HARRY TRIES TO USE SALT AGAINST ME. LULZ. ALSO, APPARENTLY HE WONDERS IF I CAN TAKE VIRGINITY WITHOUT TOUCHING SOMEONE. THE ANSWER IS NO. I CAN HOWEVER, MAKE SOMEONE ORGASM WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM. SO THERE IS THAT.
IN AN ATTEMPT TO WORK THINGS OUT GABE AND I WENT ON A TRUST RETREAT. THINGS AREN'T PERFECT, BUT THEY ARE BETTER, AND WE WORKED OUT A LOT OF STUFF. SOME PEOPLE STARTED TO FORGIVE ME, BUT NOT EVERYONE. ALSO, AT URIEL'S REQUEST, I WENT BACK AND BAMFED ZACH OUTTA LIMBO WHICH EARNED ME HIS LOYALTY. YAY ME!
TESSA APPARENTLY KNITS A GOOD DEAL WHEN SHE'S WORRIED, AND SHE'S BEEN WORRIED ENOUGH TO KNIT GIFTS FOR EVERYONE. AND THEY ARE AWESOME, JUST LIKE SHE IS.
GABE AND ANNA INVITE EVERYONE TO THEIR WEDDING, MAKING IT CLEAR THAT THE WHOLE THING IS NEUTRAL AND THAT'S THAT.
HARRY IS BORED AND DECIDES TO OPEN UP HIS TAGGING TO EVERYONE ELSE. THIS RESULTS IN CONFUSION AND LOTS OF FIC RECS. WAY TO GO. BET YOU'RE NOT BORED ANY MORE, BIG BOY.
SAM TAKES JESS OUT ON A DATE, BECAUSE THE ON/DEAD/ALIVE/ON AGAIN/OFF AGAIN/ON AGAIN RELATIONSHIP IS APPARENTLY ON AGAIN. AND RUBY MAKES A SURPRISE APPEARANCE. ALSO, CHUCK IS A BIT .... WEIRD.
BECKY INFORMS US ALL OF WHO IS POSSESSING CHUCK. HER NICKNAME FOR HIM? GRANOLA. WHO IS HE? HELL'S VERSION OF CUPID. YEAH. /GRINS/
SO ANYWAY GRANOLA ASKS BECKY TO CHOOSE A COUPLE SHE'D LIKE TO SEE IRL. SHE PICKS... WAIT FOR IT... ZACH URI. SINCE HE CAN'T ACTUALLY MAKE URI COMPLY, GRANOLA BASICALLY JUST MAKES ZACH INTO A BESOTTED LITTLE KITTEN. URIEL IS HORRIFIED, BECKY IS ECSTATIC, AND GRANOLA GETS 2 THUMBS UP FOR THE LULZ.
AVA DECLARES HERSELF FULLY NEUTRAL, IN THAT SHE'S OUT FOR HERSELF AND OPEN TO HEARING WHATEVER OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY. GRANOLA PINS ANDY'S DEVOTION TO MICHAEL.
ZACH OUTLINES HIS LOVE FOR URI FOR THE WORLD TO SEE. THIS, WEIRDLY ENOUGH? SPARKS A BITCHFIGHT OVER URI BETWEEN WAR AND ZACH. YEAH... I THINK I'M BEYOND BEING SHOCKED ANY MORE. I REALLY DO. AND THEN ANDY GETS IN ON THE ACTION AND HE WANTS URI TOO.
ED THROWS A HIGH PARTY, WITH GOOD MUSIC AND GREAT WEED. ANNA AND ED ARE CUTEST FRIENDS EVER, BY THE WAY.
ADAM MOVES INTO THE WINCHESTER HOME, AND DECIDES THAT HE NEEDS A JOB. HE GETS HIRED BY ELLEN AND GOES FOR ICECREAM WITH MICHAEL.
RAFFI FINALLY SMITES GRANOLA. I MEAN, I'M NOT TO HAPPY THAT GRANOLA IS GONE... BUT I DO LIKE CHUCK THE WAY HE IS.
WAR IS BORED AND DECIDES TO PLAY. BASICALLY, NO ONE REALLY REMEMBERS WHAT'S GOING ON FROM THIS POINT, BUT I IMAGINE IT'S A GOOD ONE. FROM THE HAZY MEMORIES I HAVE, MARY AND AZ... UH, WELL AND THEN ALISTAIR AND DEAN... UM... OH AND GABE AND SAM?
ANGEL!SAM DECIDES THAT IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO GO AROUND SMITING PEOPLE. SO UH, YEAH, THAT PARTICULAR TALENT GETS TAKEN FROM HIM. BECAUSE, SERIOUSLY, SAM? YOU COULDN'T JUST GO KEEP GABE HAPPY?
APPARENTLY BEING AN ANGEL DOES NOTHING TO CURE PMS BECAUSE SAM'S SO SAD ABOUT HIS SMITEY TIMES BEING TAKEN FROM HIM THAT HE TRIES TO FALL AND FOLLOW ME. YEAH, HOW ABOUT NO, KIDDO.
JOHN AND ELLEN OPEN UP THE BAR SO THAT THEY'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES DRINKING. EVERYTHING IS PRETTY HAZY BEYOND THAT.
JOHN IS A WEEPY WEEPY DRUNK. DON'T EXACTLY REMEMBER WHY BUT HE WAS.
ALI GIVES WAAAAAY TOO MUCH INFO FOR ANYONE'S TASTES.
MARY GOES CRAZY AND FLINGS PEOPLE AROUND WHEN SHE'S WAITING FOR HER DATE
SANDY ED MAKES A POST ASKING FOR HELP. APPARENTLY ASH IS A JERK AND IS GUILTY OF EXACTLY THE SAME SIN THAT I WAS 'REPORTEDLY' THROWN IN HELL FOR.
WAR ENDS THE MADNESS AND GIVES UP HIS RING TO DEAN. APPARENTLY THIS WAS ALL AN AMUSING TRICK... TO ASK URIEL OUT.
DEATH, LILITH AND MARY WENT SHOPPING WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE. THEY BOUGHT SOME AMAZINGLY PRETTY THINGS.... AND CHARGED IT TO MICHAEL. LOOOOOLZ. ALSO, WAR GAVE AVA SOME BLING. I DON'T CLAIM TO UNDERSTAND IT, BUT THERE YOU GO.
HARRY SCARS EVERYONE FOR LIFE BY PRETENDING HE'S CAS FLEXIBLE. MOST OF THE 'LADIES' ARE HORRIFIED.
URIEL POLLS THE COMMUNITY ABOUT WHETHER HE OUGHT TO DATE WAR.
ASK SAM GETS THE BEST QUESTION AND ANSWER EVER VIA ED "WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO CUT ASH'S MULLET OFF?" "SCISSORS".
THE SECOND EVER SEEKRITS POST GOES UP.
ADAM IS HAPPY AND... THEN MICHAEL WIPES THE KID'S MEMORY. WAY TO GO, JERKWAD.
SAM GIVES JESS A PROMISE RING. EVEN BOBBY TEARED UP.
BECKY THEN WRITES 3 FICS. ONE OF WHICH IS A GROUP DATE FIC THAT EVERYONE MUST READ NAO. I'LL WAIT. READ IT? GOOD. BEST THING EVER. NOW THEN, MOVING ON.
ELLEN OPENS UP THE ROADHOUSE, NOW WITH ESPRESSO BAR. BECKY AND CHUCK TALK WEDDINGS, AND FLORIDA. LUCI AND ELLEN MAKE UP.
SAM, DEAN AND MYSELF THROW A GIANT DOUBLE STAG/STAGETTE PARTY FOR GABE AND ANNA. IT'S AWESOME, BECAUSE WE ARE AWESOME. GABE AND I TOTALLY ENTERTAINED THE WOMEN BETTER THAN THE HIRED ENTERTAINERS TOO, BY THE WAY. *BROFISTS GABE*
BECKY CHUCK, AND THE BABES TAKE A WELL-DESERVED VACATION.
SAM TALKS ABOUT THE LATEST HUNT, COMPLETE WITH BETRAYAL AND SUSPENSE. AND CROWLEY SWINGING BOTH WAYS.
CROWLEY NEEDS A NEW TAILOR AND MICHAEL KISSES HIS ASS BY GETTING HIM ONE. NEWSFLASH, MIKE: HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO BRING ON THE APOCALYPSE EITHER.
BECKY SENDS A POSTCARD FROM NEW YORK.
HARRY DRAWS SOME MEAN (AND REALLY UGLY) PICTURES OF ED. I... POSSIBLY CREEPED HIM OUT BY BEING NICE. AMAZING HOW THAT WORKS.
CASTIEL ANNOUNCES THE DATES AND JUDGES FOR TREEHOUSE IDOL AND MANAGES TO PISS RAFFI OFF. MAN, YOU'RE SO EASY.
DEAN AND TESSA HAVE THE CUTEST FIRST DATE EVER AND EVERYONE IS SLIGHTLY NAUSEATED, AS IF THEY'D EATEN TOO MANY SWEETS. IN BEFORE MARY SAYS THAT THEY OUGHT TO SET A DATE. OH WAIT, DID THAT ALREADY HAPPEN? IDK. PROBABLY.
BECKY'S SECOND POSTCARD FROM HER AND CHUCK IS FROM THE WHITEHOUSE AREA. SHE TELLS US /SHOCK! AWE!/ THAT ABE LINCOLN IS BIG. THANKS, BECKY.
LILITH AND I SHARE OUR INVITES TO OUR WEDDING. IT WILL BE NEUTRAL AND OPEN TO ALL.
BECKY AND CHUCK TOOK THE TRIPLETS TO DISNEY AND PLAN TO GO AGAIN SOMEDAY.
TESSA AND THE GIRLS THROW ANNA A SECOND BACHELORETTE PARTY -- THIS TIME WITH NO BOYS ALLOWED. OF COURSE, AFTER A WHILE, DEAN, GABE AND I SNUCK IN ONLY TO ENTERTAIN AND DEATH DECIDED TO BE CRUEL AND TRY TO CONVINCE US EVERYONE WAS DEAD. NOT. FUNNY.
WHILE THE GIRLS PARTIED WAR POINTED OUT THAT IT REALLY WASN'T FAIR THAT HE WAS A WITHERED HUSK. SO I FIXED HIM UP, AND LEFT HIM ON THE ISLAND. AND THEN GABE AND I GOT DRUNK FOR A HEART TO HEART. WHAT? IT'S HARD TO TALK ABOUT SHIT SOBER, OKAY? (THAT'S WHEN WE DECIDED TO CRASH THE GIRL'S PARTY.
BECKY AND CHUCK REALLY WISH WE WERE IN KEY LARGO WITH THEM. HRM....
NO TIME TO MUSE ON THAT! GABE AND ANNA ARE HITCHED! IT WAS A GORGEOUS CEREMONY, EVERYONE OOHED AND AH'D.....
AND THEN EVERYONE BOOGIED DOWN TO PARTY. I GAVE A TOAST, WHICH EVERYONE LOVED, BECAUSE I AM AWESOME. AND THEN ASH RUINED IT ALL BY INSULTING GABE AND ANNA'S TASTE IN MUSIC. I WENT OVER TO SEE WHAT WAS WHAT, AND PUSH CAME TO SHOVE AND THEN BAD SHIT HAPPENED. /SHUDDERS/ I WENT.... ANGELIC... AND UNHOLY SHIT, I RECITED A SONNET TO ASH'S MULLET? WTF! WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS!? BRB GAGGING FOREVER. LUCKILY, LILITH WAS PISSED AND CUT IT OFF. TAKE THAT, ASH, YOU BASTARD.
ED SHARES SOME PIE AND HEARTFELT FEELINGS WITH HARRY. ... AND THEN HE DIED.
ANGEL!ME DECIDED TO ATTEMPT TO MAKE AMENDS. YEAH, TO HELL WITH THAT. URIEL PISSED ME OFF, EVEN AFTER I'D COME BACK TO MYSELF (THANKS SAM - YOU WERE ROCKING THAT. I MEAN, SERIOUSLY. THANK YOU). MORE ON THAT LATER. ALSO, THE WINCHESTERS ARE NOW A MILLION DOLLARS RICHER.
ADAM CAN'T REALLY REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED A COUPLE DAYS PRIOR BUT HE HAS A SPIFFY SUIT, SO IT'S OKAY. HE DOES FIND OUT, HOWEVER, THAT MICHAEL MINDWIPED HIM, AND AFTER SOME ANGST, THEY MAKE UP WITH HAPPY FUN TIMES. I ASSUME. I CAN'T BEAR TO READ TOO MUCH OF IT.
ED ANNOUNCES THAT HE'S DEAD WHICH SENDS TESSA INTO A DOWNWARD SPIRAL OF SADNESS. MICHAEL RESCUES HIM. SO UH. GOOD ONE BRO.
DEAN GIVES SAM SOME PRESENTS WHICH ARE PRETTY AWESOME, AND THE WHOLE POST IS BASICALLY PEOPLE GIVING SAM BOOKS. OR ELECTRONICS. BUT MOSTLY BOOKS. (AND ONE AWESOME SUIT)
SAM, HAVING MISSED MOST OF THE RECEPTION ASKS JESS FOR A DANCE. I GUESS IT'S KIND OF ROMANTIC. SHUT UP, I'M NOT SNUGGLING A TEDDY BEAR.
JOHN THINKS HE'S TOO AWESOME FOR THE ORIGINAL BIRTHDAY THREAD, SO HE POSTS WITH MORE PRESENTS FOR SAM. AGAIN - THIS BECOMES A 'INUNDATE SAM WITH GIFTS' POST.
ANDY IS MEDITATING. PEOPLE GENERALLY THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
CORBETT TELLS ED THAT WHILE HE LOVES HIM... HE HAS A BOYFRIEND BACK IN PRISON. SERIOUSLY?. BUT! ALLS WELL THAT ENDS WELL. FOR THAT, I DIRECT YOU TO THE ED/CORBETT CONVO IN THERE. CUUUUUTE.
DEATH AND AVA AND THE GIRLS (AND ME) THROW LILITH A BACHELORETTE PARTY IT'S SOMEWHAT QUIET, BUT THEN THIS KICKASS DUDE NAMED DUSTFINGER SHOWS UP AND MAKES OUT WITH LILITH AND IT'S REALLY HOT. ..... NO PUN INTENDED.
ASH AND CAS SHARE WAY TOO MUCH FREAKING INFO ABOUT WHERE ALL THEY'VE BEEN GETTING IT ON TO MOURN ASH'S MULLET. (HAHAHAHAHAHA). AT LEAST NOW WE ALL KNOW WHERE TO BLEACH, Y/Y?
ANNA AND GABE GET BACK FROM THEIR HONEYMOON, WHICH EVERYONE AGREES LOOKED AWESOME... BUT WAS WAY TOO SHORT. (THANKS FOR COMING BACK IN TIME FOR MY WEDDING, GUYS.)
SAM TALKS ABOUT MEETING UP WITH AVA, ANDY AND ALI AND THINGS GETTING EXPLOSIVELY BAD REALLY FAST. AVA GOES OFF WITH ALISTAIR TO GET DRUNK. SAM AND LILITH... TALK...
I ANNOUNCE (TO MUCH CHEERING) URIEL'S DEATH. SOME PEOPLE ARE LESS THAN PLEASED, HOWEVER, SO I INTEND TO MOVE HIM SOON.
HARRY REMINDS US OF ZOMBIE AWARENESS MONTH WHICH LEADS TO AN EXCUSE TO .. IDK FLIRT WITH TESSA? LILITH AND DEAN PLOT TO GET HIM.
SAM IS INCREDIBLY HORNY BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S MORE TO DO WITH THE SEX POLLEN HE INHALED THAN HIS OWN LIBIDO. FINALLY IT'S TOO MUCH TO HANDLE AND HE PASSES OUT.
I MOVE URIEL FROM LIMBO TO THE ISLAND, WHERE HOPEFULLY, HE AND WAR CAN, IDK WORK SOMETHING OUT. I'M REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD TO HAVE HIM TRY AND TAKE OVER HELL, KTHANKS. URIEL USES THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO TELL ME THAT I'VE APPARENTLY BEEN A COMPLETE FAILURE AT BEING EVIL. THANKS FOR THAT, BRO -- MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE MY NEW PUBLICIST.
SAM WAKES UP FROM HIS SOJOURN INTO THE SEX-CRAZED AND GETS REALLY REALLY EMBARRASSED. NO SHAME IN IT, SAM! /GRINS/
HARRY FAKES OUT AN APOLOGY AND APPARENTLY... REALLY WANTS TO DIE. ... SO NO ONE KILLS HIM, OF COURSE.
... IN A SURPRISING TWIST IT APPEARS THAT ALISTAIR AND AVA HAVE SLEPT TOGETHER. AND LIKED IT, EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT PLANNING ON CONTINUING IT OR ANYTHING.
ADAM ASKS FOR SOME DECORATING ADVICE AND IS INUNDATED WITH SUGGESTIONS. AND A SUIT AND DATE FOR MY WEDDING FROM MICHAEL.
LILITH AND I GOT REMARRIED, AND IT WAS FANTASTIC. THE PARTY AFTERWARD WAS A GREAT DEAL OF FUN, TOO. GABE - BRO... YOUR SPEECH WAS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD. THANKS, MAN.
ANDY FLIPS HIS SHIT OVER EVIL PEOPLE AND DEAN AND LILITH GET INTO IT AGAIN, SURPRISE SURPRISE. ALSO, WAR KILLED ME FOR A MINUTE -- WITH MY CONSENT, MIND. AS IF HE COULD WITHOUT IT. SORRY WAR, BUT YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE.
ASK SAM GOES ANON AND HILARITY ENSUES.
HARRY GETS TESSA A GIFT. IT'S LOVE POTION PERFUME. IT WORKS FOR HIM, AND HE GETS HER TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM. IT ENDS, AND SHE IS OUT FOR BLOOD. CAREFUL HARRY....
WAR WHISKS ASH AWAY TO A TROPICAL ISLAND AND HIDES HIM AWAY FROM EVERYONE ELSE. SORRY ANGELS, YOU CAN'T SAVE HIM, 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T GET TO MY ISLAND WITHOUT AN INVITE.... AND WAR, I GET THAT YOU NEED TO SALVAGE YOUR PRIDE, BUT LET'S NOTE THAT I LET YOU KILL ME. YEAH?
AVA LAYS THE MO-FOING SMACKDOWN ON ANDY, AND BURNS HIS VAN. BAD. ASS. ALSO, APPARENTLY SHE NOW WORKS FOR DEATH AND WAR. WELCOME TO THE DARKSIDE, HONEY.
BOBBY SINGS TO ALISTAIR AND ENDS STUFF FOR GOOD.... BUT WANTS TO BE FRIENDS? MAYBE? ALISTAIR RESPONDS THAT HE DOESN'T WANT BOBBY BACK ANYHOW.
AND THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THE LAST MONTH OR SO. SO BOO, YOU H00RS, AND REMEMBER -- I'M AWESOME.
.... UNHOLY SHIT. REMIND ME NOT TO LET IT GO SO LONG WITHOUT WRITING IN HERE... IT REALLY SCREWS ME UP TO HAVE TO GO BACK ALMOST A MONTH.
PLUS THERE'S TOTALLY BETTER THINGS TO BE DOING WITH MY HANDS RIGHT NOW. BUT WHILE LILITH IS SLEEPING OFF OUR LATEST ACTIVITIES...
OKAY SO THIS KID NAMED CORBETT SHOWS UP, THANKS TO ME AND CHUCK AND BECKY GIVE HIM A DIARY. FROM WHAT I CAN TELL? HE'S GOT A SHIT-TON OF FEELINGS. HE APPARENTLY LOVES ED LIKE BURNING. EVERYONE THINKS HE'S AWESOME, WHICH, DUH, HE IS. THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT HIM BACK!
BECKY SHOWS OFF HER FAMILY VIA SCRAPBOOK AND EVERYONE COOS OVER THEM. SO BECKY GETS DRUNK. ADMITTEDLY THAT PROBABLY HAS MORE TO DO WITH CHUCK NOT BEING HOME YET THAN ANYTHING ELSE...
ELLEN OPENS UP THE BAR NOW WITH MASSAGE TABLES. (THAT WOMAN KNOWS HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE RIGHT.) WOMAN IS THE BEST BARTENDER EVER.
SAM HAS A MAJOR HEADACHE AND GIVES DEAN BACK HIS SOUL, IN SPITE OF DEAN RUNNING OFF TO MICHAEL. HE THEN FINDS OUT THAT WHILE DRUNK HE PROPOSED TO JESS. THEY DECIDE TO STILL SEE OTHER PEOPLE BUT MARRY AFTER THE APOCALYPSE IF THEY STILL WANT TO. OF COURSE, MARY JUMPS THE GUN AND DEMANDS THEY SET A DATE. NOW. DEAN AND TESSA TALK ABOUT HOW PRETTY HIS SOUL IS, AND HE ALMOST ASKS HER OUT, BUT THEN DOESN'T.
BECKY HAS SOME CRAZY DRUNK OFF HER ASS DREAMS ON THE BAR. PEOPLE ARE GENERALLY CONCERNED.
ANNA AND MARY SHARE SOME PHOTOS FROM THEIR BENDER.
SAM HAS A RIVETING TALE OF HOW HE STOPPED DEAN FROM RUINING HIS LIFE SAYING YES, AND DROPS A BOMBSHELL ON EVERYONE -- HIS BROTHER ADAM HAS BEEN BROUGHT BACK BY THE ANGELS. OH YEAH AND ZACH'S DEAD. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY... CAS WAS THE BIGGEST BAMF EVER.
AND THEN ADAM SHOWS UP AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE THE SHIT HITS THE FAN.
GABE AND I SHOW OFF PICS FROM OUR AMAZING ROADTRIP. WE WERE REALLY DRUNK. IT WAS AWESOME. MARY GOT HER PANTIES IN A TWIST OVER WHETHER I'D DRIVEN WHILE DRUNK, BUT EVERYTHING WORKED OUT.
SAM LOCKS ASH AND CASTIEL INTO A ROOM TO SORT OUT THEIR PROBLEMS. THIS IS SEEN AS GOOD BY EVERYONE EXCEPT, PERHAPS MYSELF. BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, THAT MULLET? HAS TO GO. ALSO, EVERYONE CONGRATULATED ANNA BECAUSE SHE AND GABE ARE TOTALLY GETTING HITCHED.
AVA DECIDES THAT HER VIOLENT MURDEROUS RAMPAGE WAS WRONG WHICH I THINK IS FALSE, BUT WHATEVER. ANYWAY, SHE DECIDED TO MAKE UP FOR IT. EVERYONE WAS PRETTY HAPPY. INCLUDING ME, AS I NOW OWN A PICK OF DESTINY.
BECKY AND CORBETT GO SHOPPING AND GET A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF. ALSO, CORBETT ENDS UP IN JAIL. WHOOPS?
CHUCK SHARES DETAILS OF HIS WALK WITH BECKY AND THE TRIPLETS. RAFFI, CONCERNED ONLY WITH THE EASE OF HIS JOB, LECTURES CHUCK TO BE CAREFUL. LAME, RAFFI. LAME.
ADAM INTRODUCES HIMSELF LIKE THE SNARKY BAMF HE IS. I SUSPECT HE HAS A LITTLE THING FOR MICHAEL, THOUGH....AND IT SEEMS TO BE MUTUAL.
TESSA, JESS AND ED BAMF CORBETT OUT OF JAIL AND EVERYONE IS JELLUS OF JESS' CAR. BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME.
I SHARE THE BEST STORY EVER WITH THE CLASS - CASTIEL THE UNICORN 2. WHICH LEADS TO EVERYONE BEING ALL 'YOU'RE CRAZY! GO SEE CHUCK!' WHICH I DID, AND HE SAID I'M FINE, SO THERE.
TESSA GIVES THE LOWDOWN ON WHAT FAMOUS PEOPLE HAVE BEEN LIKE WHEN THEY DIE. NO ONE IS SUPER SURPRISED BY THE INFO, EXCEPT MAYBE THE PART WHERE EINSTEIN WAS THE BIGGEST CREEPER TO CREEP. AND AROUND HERE? THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.
MICHAEL DECIDES TO BRAG HIMSELF UP A BIT, AND POSTS A PICTURE OF HIM STANDING ON ME WHILE I'M NAKED. PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE MOCKS HIS DRESS. AND THEN HE THREATENS ME SOME MORE WITH MORE NAKED ME PICTURES, WHICH IS A HORRIFYING THEME. ALSO, IT BROUGHT TO LIGHT MY FEAR OF SHOWERING. (I LIKE BATHS JUST FINE, BUT SHOWERS HAVE BEEN AN ISSUE. IN SUMMATION, YOU'RE A JERK, MICHAEL. SERIOUSLY.
ALISTAIR CREEPS THE ENTIRE TREEHOUSE OUT IN 17 WORDS AND A VIDEO.
ELLEN GOES ON VACATION AT A REALLY CREEPY LOOKING CAMP AND THREATENS WHOEVER BUGS HER WITH BODILY HARM. I THINK WE ALL KNOW THAT SHE'S SERIOUS ABOUT SUCH THINGS.
SAM LETS CAS AND ASH OUT OF THE ROOM, AND APPARENTLY CASH IS BACK ON. HOORAY /END SARCASM. BECKY POINTS THIS IDEA COULD WORK FOR SAM AND JESS, AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IS HAPPY.
SAM AND DEAN AND GABE THROW ME A BACHELOR PARTY WHICH AVA TRIED TO CRASH, AND ALL IN ALL WAS A PRETTY GOOD TIME.
BECKY WROTE A STORY ABOUT HER HOPES AND DREAMS FOR DEAN/TESSA AND HER FAMILY. WHICH, ODDLY ENOUGH INCLUDED LILITH AND I. WHICH WAS KINDA AWESOME. AND SWEET.
SAM THEN TRIES TO FIX HIS FAMILY VIA MUSIC WHICH, SORRY SAM BUT LULZ. ALSO, HE'S TOTALLY EMO ABOUT IT. OH WAIT, I DIDN'T NEED TO SAY THAT....
BECKY THROWS HER PARENTS A SURPRISE PARTY FOR THEIR BIRTHDAYS. SAM IS CONFUSED (NOT REALLY SURPRISING), MARY IS IN TEARS, AND EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST HAPPY FOR AN EXCUSE TO
CUT LOOSE.
ANDY GIVES THE TREEHOUSE SOME PRESENTS WHICH BASICALLY MEANS A LOT OF POT AND PIPES AND STUFF. I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LIKED THIS DUDE.
SAM GOES SWIMMING BY HIMSELF AND ENDS UP ON A STRANGE ISLAND. COOL STORY, BRO. DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY STUFF HAPPENS TO YOU? IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SAFETY CONSCIOUS AND SWIMMING WITH A BUDDY. ON THE OTHER SIDE, DEAN AND LILITH WORKED TOGETHER.....
BECKY SHARES A FAMILY PORTRAIT. SHE'S LESS THAN IMPRESSED WITH HOW OLD THE WEE ONES LOOK.
WAR WRITES A LETTER AND APPARENTLY HAS SOME ANGEL BLOOD. ... THIS IS NEVER ALL THAT GOOD, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
SAM HAS A LIST OF DOS AND DON'TS AND PROMISES TO FILL IN THE ASK SAM QUESTIONS WHEN HE GETS OFF THE ISLAND. LUCKILY DEAN AND LILITH CAN PUT ASIDE THEIR DIFFERENCES AND WORK TOGETHER, SO THEY BAMFED OVER AND GOT SAM BACK. THEY IMMEDIATELY GO BACK TO THEIR WEIRD LITTLE FEUD THOUGH.
AND THEN HARRY SHOWS UP. YEAH. GHOSTFACER HARRY. WHO IMMEDIATELY ASKS HOW TO KILL TESSA. TO HER FACE. GOOD GOING, HARRY. HE ALSO PISSES OFF BOBBY, WHO'S EVIL!SIDE KILLS HIM. LUCKILY, DEATH IS ANNOYED BY THIS, AND SHOVES HIM OUT OF THE AFTERLIFE.
SPARKLE!BOBBY REVEALS ALISTAIR'S CHEATING SIDE AND DUMPS HIM WITH A FLOURISH AND SPARKLES. ALISTAIR ACTUALLY APOLOGIZES, BUT NONE OF THE BOBBIES ARE HAVING ANY OF IT.
SIR CRIES BECAUSE APPARENTLY DEATH KILLED MARY AFTER GIVING HER A BUNCH OF CANCER. -- YOU BEEN HANGING OUT WITH ZACH, DEATH? ALSO, APPARENTLY ANDY THINKS HE IS A BUNNY. YEAH, I DON'T KNOW HOW I MISSED THAT PREVIOUSLY, BUT THERE YOU GO. HE'S A BUNNY. GOOD JOB, GABE.
SAM ALSO GOES RIDICULOUSLY EMO OVER MARY AND THREATENS TO THROW HIMSELF OFF A CLIFF. (HOW'D YOU GET TO DOVER, ANYHOW, SAMUEL?) RAFFI SAYS WE'RE MADE FOR EACH OTHER, BUT SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT EMO LIKE THIS AT ALL... I WONDER IF I GOT DOUBLE THE AWESOME GLANDS AND SAM GOT DOUBLE THE EMO GLAND. THAT... WOULD MAKE A LOT OF SENSE.
ALISTAIR MAKES A HEARTWARMING AND PUBLIC APOLOGY TO BOBBY, WHO IGNORES IT. SIR ON THE OTHER HAND, ALMOST KINDA CHEERS HIM UP - OR AT LEAST HE TRIES TO DO SO.
MICHAEL IN A MOMENT OF AWESOME (HEY YOU GOT ONE! GOOD FOR YOU, BROTHER) BRINGS MARY BACK. DEATH CLAIMS IT'S NOT MARY, HE BROUGHT BACK, HE CLAIMS IT IS....
MEANWHILE ANNA GETS HERSELF CAUGHT AND THROWN INTO ANGEL PRISON. GABE GOES TO BREAK HER OUT, RAFFI THROWS A BITCHFIT AND PULLS HER HAIR AND THEN LETS HER GO BECAUSE SHE PROMISES TO BEHAVE. NOW I WANNA PROMISE TO BEHAVE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. ALSO, DEATH IS BEHIND HER GETTING CAUGHT TOO.
CORBETT AND ED TELL THE TALE OF THEIR GHOSTHUNTING ADVENTURE. WHICH BASICALLY MEANT THEY WERE REALLLLLLLY HIGH AND SPOONED.
SAM GIVES BECKY A TINY DEAN!OWL THAT WAS FOLLOWING HIM AROUND ON THE ISLAND. THE REALLY INTERESTING PART OF THIS TALE IS THAT LITTLE!DEAN HAS A MATCHING LITTLE PECKER, AND DEAN KNOWS ABOUT HARRY POTTER.
AVA AND ANDY ANNOUNCE THEIR BREAKUP. WTF. I TOTALLY GOT THOSE TWO TOGETHER TO BEGIN WITH. WHY DIDN'T THIS WORK? /FROWNS/ OH, RIGHT DEAN.
ELLEN FINDS AVA, BECKY AND JESS DRINKING THROUGH HER BAR. SHE OPENS IT UP TO EVERYONE ELSE, WITH THE DRUNK GIRLS TO PROVIDE ENTERTAINMENT.
SIR DISCUSSES THE NAMES THAT HIS FAMILY USES. NOT SATISFIED WITH THAT, HE GOES ON TO TELL US ALL WHAT OUR NAMES MEAN. MINE IS THE BAMFING 'CARRIER OF LIGHT', GABE IS 'STRONG ONE OF GOD' (DUDE, WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THIS...) AND MICHAEL IS QUESTIONABLE.
ELLEN DETAILS HER VACATION AND PROVES YET AGAIN HOW BAMF SHE IS.
BECKY ARRANGES A DATE FOR HER AND CHUCK THAT IS VERY SWEET. ALSO, SHE LOSES HER V-CARD AGAIN. WHICH, BY THE WAY, I AM SORRY ABOUT.
SAM TALKS ABOUT THE SHOWDOWN BETWEEN MYSELF AND THE GODS. OH BALDUR, YOU MISERABLE WRETCH. THE REST -- WELL, I'M NOT SURE I CAN SAY IT, EXACTLY. I MEAN, I WAS ON FIRE - WALKING IN, BUSTING HEADS... AND THEN ... OH LUCIFER. GABE AND I ARGUED. AND HE CAME AT ME FROM BEHIND.... AND I KILLED HIM.
DEAN IMMEDIATELY THREW A FUNERAL/YAY YOU'RE BACK PARTY 'CAUSE DEATH HAD GONE TO GET GABE. HE WANTED EVERYONE TO SAY SOMETHING NICE, AND EVEN LET ME... BEFORE KICKING ME OUT AGAIN.
DEATH BROUGHT GABE BACK, BUT MADE IT VERY CLEAR THAT SHE WAS NOT AT ALL IMPRESSED WITH HIM OR WITH ME. OF COURSE, EVERYONE WAS PISSED WITH ME, SO THIS IS REALLY NOTHING.
ALISTAIR CUTS IN ON THE LUCIFER!HATE AND GABE!MISSING!ANGST AND TRIES TO MAKE A HUGE GESTURE TO BOBBY AND GET HIM TO TAKE HIM BACK.
GABE EXPLAINS HIMSELF AND APOLOGIZES TO ME, WHICH EVERYONE BITCHES AT HIM ABOUT. BUT HE ALSO JOINS TEAM FREE-WILL FULL STOP. AND THEN...
THIS CONVERSATION BREAKS EVERYONE EVER. EXCEPT MICHAEL WHO IS A JERK AND SAYS THAT I'M PUTTING ON AN ACT.
CHUCK IS PISSED AT THE GHOSTFACERS. WELL REALLY HE'S MORE HURT -- BUT HE, OUT OF EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD, ACTUALLY DOESN'T HATE ME ON PRINCIPLE. SO, THAT'S GOOD AT LEAST. AND THEN HARRY TRIES TO USE SALT AGAINST ME. LULZ. ALSO, APPARENTLY HE WONDERS IF I CAN TAKE VIRGINITY WITHOUT TOUCHING SOMEONE. THE ANSWER IS NO. I CAN HOWEVER, MAKE SOMEONE ORGASM WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM. SO THERE IS THAT.
IN AN ATTEMPT TO WORK THINGS OUT GABE AND I WENT ON A TRUST RETREAT. THINGS AREN'T PERFECT, BUT THEY ARE BETTER, AND WE WORKED OUT A LOT OF STUFF. SOME PEOPLE STARTED TO FORGIVE ME, BUT NOT EVERYONE. ALSO, AT URIEL'S REQUEST, I WENT BACK AND BAMFED ZACH OUTTA LIMBO WHICH EARNED ME HIS LOYALTY. YAY ME!
TESSA APPARENTLY KNITS A GOOD DEAL WHEN SHE'S WORRIED, AND SHE'S BEEN WORRIED ENOUGH TO KNIT GIFTS FOR EVERYONE. AND THEY ARE AWESOME, JUST LIKE SHE IS.
GABE AND ANNA INVITE EVERYONE TO THEIR WEDDING, MAKING IT CLEAR THAT THE WHOLE THING IS NEUTRAL AND THAT'S THAT.
HARRY IS BORED AND DECIDES TO OPEN UP HIS TAGGING TO EVERYONE ELSE. THIS RESULTS IN CONFUSION AND LOTS OF FIC RECS. WAY TO GO. BET YOU'RE NOT BORED ANY MORE, BIG BOY.
SAM TAKES JESS OUT ON A DATE, BECAUSE THE ON/DEAD/ALIVE/ON AGAIN/OFF AGAIN/ON AGAIN RELATIONSHIP IS APPARENTLY ON AGAIN. AND RUBY MAKES A SURPRISE APPEARANCE. ALSO, CHUCK IS A BIT .... WEIRD.
BECKY INFORMS US ALL OF WHO IS POSSESSING CHUCK. HER NICKNAME FOR HIM? GRANOLA. WHO IS HE? HELL'S VERSION OF CUPID. YEAH. /GRINS/
SO ANYWAY GRANOLA ASKS BECKY TO CHOOSE A COUPLE SHE'D LIKE TO SEE IRL. SHE PICKS... WAIT FOR IT... ZACH URI. SINCE HE CAN'T ACTUALLY MAKE URI COMPLY, GRANOLA BASICALLY JUST MAKES ZACH INTO A BESOTTED LITTLE KITTEN. URIEL IS HORRIFIED, BECKY IS ECSTATIC, AND GRANOLA GETS 2 THUMBS UP FOR THE LULZ.
AVA DECLARES HERSELF FULLY NEUTRAL, IN THAT SHE'S OUT FOR HERSELF AND OPEN TO HEARING WHATEVER OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY. GRANOLA PINS ANDY'S DEVOTION TO MICHAEL.
ZACH OUTLINES HIS LOVE FOR URI FOR THE WORLD TO SEE. THIS, WEIRDLY ENOUGH? SPARKS A BITCHFIGHT OVER URI BETWEEN WAR AND ZACH. YEAH... I THINK I'M BEYOND BEING SHOCKED ANY MORE. I REALLY DO. AND THEN ANDY GETS IN ON THE ACTION AND HE WANTS URI TOO.
ED THROWS A HIGH PARTY, WITH GOOD MUSIC AND GREAT WEED. ANNA AND ED ARE CUTEST FRIENDS EVER, BY THE WAY.
ADAM MOVES INTO THE WINCHESTER HOME, AND DECIDES THAT HE NEEDS A JOB. HE GETS HIRED BY ELLEN AND GOES FOR ICECREAM WITH MICHAEL.
RAFFI FINALLY SMITES GRANOLA. I MEAN, I'M NOT TO HAPPY THAT GRANOLA IS GONE... BUT I DO LIKE CHUCK THE WAY HE IS.
WAR IS BORED AND DECIDES TO PLAY. BASICALLY, NO ONE REALLY REMEMBERS WHAT'S GOING ON FROM THIS POINT, BUT I IMAGINE IT'S A GOOD ONE. FROM THE HAZY MEMORIES I HAVE, MARY AND AZ... UH, WELL AND THEN ALISTAIR AND DEAN... UM... OH AND GABE AND SAM?
ANGEL!SAM DECIDES THAT IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO GO AROUND SMITING PEOPLE. SO UH, YEAH, THAT PARTICULAR TALENT GETS TAKEN FROM HIM. BECAUSE, SERIOUSLY, SAM? YOU COULDN'T JUST GO KEEP GABE HAPPY?
APPARENTLY BEING AN ANGEL DOES NOTHING TO CURE PMS BECAUSE SAM'S SO SAD ABOUT HIS SMITEY TIMES BEING TAKEN FROM HIM THAT HE TRIES TO FALL AND FOLLOW ME. YEAH, HOW ABOUT NO, KIDDO.
JOHN AND ELLEN OPEN UP THE BAR SO THAT THEY'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES DRINKING. EVERYTHING IS PRETTY HAZY BEYOND THAT.
JOHN IS A WEEPY WEEPY DRUNK. DON'T EXACTLY REMEMBER WHY BUT HE WAS.
ALI GIVES WAAAAAY TOO MUCH INFO FOR ANYONE'S TASTES.
MARY GOES CRAZY AND FLINGS PEOPLE AROUND WHEN SHE'S WAITING FOR HER DATE
SANDY ED MAKES A POST ASKING FOR HELP. APPARENTLY ASH IS A JERK AND IS GUILTY OF EXACTLY THE SAME SIN THAT I WAS 'REPORTEDLY' THROWN IN HELL FOR.
WAR ENDS THE MADNESS AND GIVES UP HIS RING TO DEAN. APPARENTLY THIS WAS ALL AN AMUSING TRICK... TO ASK URIEL OUT.
DEATH, LILITH AND MARY WENT SHOPPING WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE. THEY BOUGHT SOME AMAZINGLY PRETTY THINGS.... AND CHARGED IT TO MICHAEL. LOOOOOLZ. ALSO, WAR GAVE AVA SOME BLING. I DON'T CLAIM TO UNDERSTAND IT, BUT THERE YOU GO.
HARRY SCARS EVERYONE FOR LIFE BY PRETENDING HE'S CAS FLEXIBLE. MOST OF THE 'LADIES' ARE HORRIFIED.
URIEL POLLS THE COMMUNITY ABOUT WHETHER HE OUGHT TO DATE WAR.
ASK SAM GETS THE BEST QUESTION AND ANSWER EVER VIA ED "WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO CUT ASH'S MULLET OFF?" "SCISSORS".
THE SECOND EVER SEEKRITS POST GOES UP.
ADAM IS HAPPY AND... THEN MICHAEL WIPES THE KID'S MEMORY. WAY TO GO, JERKWAD.
SAM GIVES JESS A PROMISE RING. EVEN BOBBY TEARED UP.
BECKY THEN WRITES 3 FICS. ONE OF WHICH IS A GROUP DATE FIC THAT EVERYONE MUST READ NAO. I'LL WAIT. READ IT? GOOD. BEST THING EVER. NOW THEN, MOVING ON.
ELLEN OPENS UP THE ROADHOUSE, NOW WITH ESPRESSO BAR. BECKY AND CHUCK TALK WEDDINGS, AND FLORIDA. LUCI AND ELLEN MAKE UP.
SAM, DEAN AND MYSELF THROW A GIANT DOUBLE STAG/STAGETTE PARTY FOR GABE AND ANNA. IT'S AWESOME, BECAUSE WE ARE AWESOME. GABE AND I TOTALLY ENTERTAINED THE WOMEN BETTER THAN THE HIRED ENTERTAINERS TOO, BY THE WAY. *BROFISTS GABE*
BECKY CHUCK, AND THE BABES TAKE A WELL-DESERVED VACATION.
SAM TALKS ABOUT THE LATEST HUNT, COMPLETE WITH BETRAYAL AND SUSPENSE. AND CROWLEY SWINGING BOTH WAYS.
CROWLEY NEEDS A NEW TAILOR AND MICHAEL KISSES HIS ASS BY GETTING HIM ONE. NEWSFLASH, MIKE: HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO BRING ON THE APOCALYPSE EITHER.
BECKY SENDS A POSTCARD FROM NEW YORK.
HARRY DRAWS SOME MEAN (AND REALLY UGLY) PICTURES OF ED. I... POSSIBLY CREEPED HIM OUT BY BEING NICE. AMAZING HOW THAT WORKS.
CASTIEL ANNOUNCES THE DATES AND JUDGES FOR TREEHOUSE IDOL AND MANAGES TO PISS RAFFI OFF. MAN, YOU'RE SO EASY.
DEAN AND TESSA HAVE THE CUTEST FIRST DATE EVER AND EVERYONE IS SLIGHTLY NAUSEATED, AS IF THEY'D EATEN TOO MANY SWEETS. IN BEFORE MARY SAYS THAT THEY OUGHT TO SET A DATE. OH WAIT, DID THAT ALREADY HAPPEN? IDK. PROBABLY.
BECKY'S SECOND POSTCARD FROM HER AND CHUCK IS FROM THE WHITEHOUSE AREA. SHE TELLS US /SHOCK! AWE!/ THAT ABE LINCOLN IS BIG. THANKS, BECKY.
LILITH AND I SHARE OUR INVITES TO OUR WEDDING. IT WILL BE NEUTRAL AND OPEN TO ALL.
BECKY AND CHUCK TOOK THE TRIPLETS TO DISNEY AND PLAN TO GO AGAIN SOMEDAY.
TESSA AND THE GIRLS THROW ANNA A SECOND BACHELORETTE PARTY -- THIS TIME WITH NO BOYS ALLOWED. OF COURSE, AFTER A WHILE, DEAN, GABE AND I SNUCK IN ONLY TO ENTERTAIN AND DEATH DECIDED TO BE CRUEL AND TRY TO CONVINCE US EVERYONE WAS DEAD. NOT. FUNNY.
WHILE THE GIRLS PARTIED WAR POINTED OUT THAT IT REALLY WASN'T FAIR THAT HE WAS A WITHERED HUSK. SO I FIXED HIM UP, AND LEFT HIM ON THE ISLAND. AND THEN GABE AND I GOT DRUNK FOR A HEART TO HEART. WHAT? IT'S HARD TO TALK ABOUT SHIT SOBER, OKAY? (THAT'S WHEN WE DECIDED TO CRASH THE GIRL'S PARTY.
BECKY AND CHUCK REALLY WISH WE WERE IN KEY LARGO WITH THEM. HRM....
NO TIME TO MUSE ON THAT! GABE AND ANNA ARE HITCHED! IT WAS A GORGEOUS CEREMONY, EVERYONE OOHED AND AH'D.....
AND THEN EVERYONE BOOGIED DOWN TO PARTY. I GAVE A TOAST, WHICH EVERYONE LOVED, BECAUSE I AM AWESOME. AND THEN ASH RUINED IT ALL BY INSULTING GABE AND ANNA'S TASTE IN MUSIC. I WENT OVER TO SEE WHAT WAS WHAT, AND PUSH CAME TO SHOVE AND THEN BAD SHIT HAPPENED. /SHUDDERS/ I WENT.... ANGELIC... AND UNHOLY SHIT, I RECITED A SONNET TO ASH'S MULLET? WTF! WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS!? BRB GAGGING FOREVER. LUCKILY, LILITH WAS PISSED AND CUT IT OFF. TAKE THAT, ASH, YOU BASTARD.
ED SHARES SOME PIE AND HEARTFELT FEELINGS WITH HARRY. ... AND THEN HE DIED.
ANGEL!ME DECIDED TO ATTEMPT TO MAKE AMENDS. YEAH, TO HELL WITH THAT. URIEL PISSED ME OFF, EVEN AFTER I'D COME BACK TO MYSELF (THANKS SAM - YOU WERE ROCKING THAT. I MEAN, SERIOUSLY. THANK YOU). MORE ON THAT LATER. ALSO, THE WINCHESTERS ARE NOW A MILLION DOLLARS RICHER.
ADAM CAN'T REALLY REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED A COUPLE DAYS PRIOR BUT HE HAS A SPIFFY SUIT, SO IT'S OKAY. HE DOES FIND OUT, HOWEVER, THAT MICHAEL MINDWIPED HIM, AND AFTER SOME ANGST, THEY MAKE UP WITH HAPPY FUN TIMES. I ASSUME. I CAN'T BEAR TO READ TOO MUCH OF IT.
ED ANNOUNCES THAT HE'S DEAD WHICH SENDS TESSA INTO A DOWNWARD SPIRAL OF SADNESS. MICHAEL RESCUES HIM. SO UH. GOOD ONE BRO.
DEAN GIVES SAM SOME PRESENTS WHICH ARE PRETTY AWESOME, AND THE WHOLE POST IS BASICALLY PEOPLE GIVING SAM BOOKS. OR ELECTRONICS. BUT MOSTLY BOOKS. (AND ONE AWESOME SUIT)
SAM, HAVING MISSED MOST OF THE RECEPTION ASKS JESS FOR A DANCE. I GUESS IT'S KIND OF ROMANTIC. SHUT UP, I'M NOT SNUGGLING A TEDDY BEAR.
JOHN THINKS HE'S TOO AWESOME FOR THE ORIGINAL BIRTHDAY THREAD, SO HE POSTS WITH MORE PRESENTS FOR SAM. AGAIN - THIS BECOMES A 'INUNDATE SAM WITH GIFTS' POST.
ANDY IS MEDITATING. PEOPLE GENERALLY THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
CORBETT TELLS ED THAT WHILE HE LOVES HIM... HE HAS A BOYFRIEND BACK IN PRISON. SERIOUSLY?. BUT! ALLS WELL THAT ENDS WELL. FOR THAT, I DIRECT YOU TO THE ED/CORBETT CONVO IN THERE. CUUUUUTE.
DEATH AND AVA AND THE GIRLS (AND ME) THROW LILITH A BACHELORETTE PARTY IT'S SOMEWHAT QUIET, BUT THEN THIS KICKASS DUDE NAMED DUSTFINGER SHOWS UP AND MAKES OUT WITH LILITH AND IT'S REALLY HOT. ..... NO PUN INTENDED.
ASH AND CAS SHARE WAY TOO MUCH FREAKING INFO ABOUT WHERE ALL THEY'VE BEEN GETTING IT ON TO MOURN ASH'S MULLET. (HAHAHAHAHAHA). AT LEAST NOW WE ALL KNOW WHERE TO BLEACH, Y/Y?
ANNA AND GABE GET BACK FROM THEIR HONEYMOON, WHICH EVERYONE AGREES LOOKED AWESOME... BUT WAS WAY TOO SHORT. (THANKS FOR COMING BACK IN TIME FOR MY WEDDING, GUYS.)
SAM TALKS ABOUT MEETING UP WITH AVA, ANDY AND ALI AND THINGS GETTING EXPLOSIVELY BAD REALLY FAST. AVA GOES OFF WITH ALISTAIR TO GET DRUNK. SAM AND LILITH... TALK...
I ANNOUNCE (TO MUCH CHEERING) URIEL'S DEATH. SOME PEOPLE ARE LESS THAN PLEASED, HOWEVER, SO I INTEND TO MOVE HIM SOON.
HARRY REMINDS US OF ZOMBIE AWARENESS MONTH WHICH LEADS TO AN EXCUSE TO .. IDK FLIRT WITH TESSA? LILITH AND DEAN PLOT TO GET HIM.
SAM IS INCREDIBLY HORNY BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S MORE TO DO WITH THE SEX POLLEN HE INHALED THAN HIS OWN LIBIDO. FINALLY IT'S TOO MUCH TO HANDLE AND HE PASSES OUT.
I MOVE URIEL FROM LIMBO TO THE ISLAND, WHERE HOPEFULLY, HE AND WAR CAN, IDK WORK SOMETHING OUT. I'M REALLY NOT IN THE MOOD TO HAVE HIM TRY AND TAKE OVER HELL, KTHANKS. URIEL USES THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO TELL ME THAT I'VE APPARENTLY BEEN A COMPLETE FAILURE AT BEING EVIL. THANKS FOR THAT, BRO -- MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE MY NEW PUBLICIST.
SAM WAKES UP FROM HIS SOJOURN INTO THE SEX-CRAZED AND GETS REALLY REALLY EMBARRASSED. NO SHAME IN IT, SAM! /GRINS/
HARRY FAKES OUT AN APOLOGY AND APPARENTLY... REALLY WANTS TO DIE. ... SO NO ONE KILLS HIM, OF COURSE.
... IN A SURPRISING TWIST IT APPEARS THAT ALISTAIR AND AVA HAVE SLEPT TOGETHER. AND LIKED IT, EVEN IF THEY'RE NOT PLANNING ON CONTINUING IT OR ANYTHING.
ADAM ASKS FOR SOME DECORATING ADVICE AND IS INUNDATED WITH SUGGESTIONS. AND A SUIT AND DATE FOR MY WEDDING FROM MICHAEL.
LILITH AND I GOT REMARRIED, AND IT WAS FANTASTIC. THE PARTY AFTERWARD WAS A GREAT DEAL OF FUN, TOO. GABE - BRO... YOUR SPEECH WAS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD. THANKS, MAN.
ANDY FLIPS HIS SHIT OVER EVIL PEOPLE AND DEAN AND LILITH GET INTO IT AGAIN, SURPRISE SURPRISE. ALSO, WAR KILLED ME FOR A MINUTE -- WITH MY CONSENT, MIND. AS IF HE COULD WITHOUT IT. SORRY WAR, BUT YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE.
ASK SAM GOES ANON AND HILARITY ENSUES.
HARRY GETS TESSA A GIFT. IT'S LOVE POTION PERFUME. IT WORKS FOR HIM, AND HE GETS HER TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM. IT ENDS, AND SHE IS OUT FOR BLOOD. CAREFUL HARRY....
WAR WHISKS ASH AWAY TO A TROPICAL ISLAND AND HIDES HIM AWAY FROM EVERYONE ELSE. SORRY ANGELS, YOU CAN'T SAVE HIM, 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T GET TO MY ISLAND WITHOUT AN INVITE.... AND WAR, I GET THAT YOU NEED TO SALVAGE YOUR PRIDE, BUT LET'S NOTE THAT I LET YOU KILL ME. YEAH?
AVA LAYS THE MO-FOING SMACKDOWN ON ANDY, AND BURNS HIS VAN. BAD. ASS. ALSO, APPARENTLY SHE NOW WORKS FOR DEATH AND WAR. WELCOME TO THE DARKSIDE, HONEY.
BOBBY SINGS TO ALISTAIR AND ENDS STUFF FOR GOOD.... BUT WANTS TO BE FRIENDS? MAYBE? ALISTAIR RESPONDS THAT HE DOESN'T WANT BOBBY BACK ANYHOW.
AND THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENED IN THE LAST MONTH OR SO. SO BOO, YOU H00RS, AND REMEMBER -- I'M AWESOME.