My Devotion- "Forsake Me" (Team Heaven)
Title: Forsake Me (My Devotion series, part 1 of 7
Author: NightsWhisper/Nalana
Characters/Pairing(s): pre-fall!Lucifer, God, other angels
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Blasphemy.
Summary: I struggle to see his fascination and devotion to this infantile race. I cannot understand it, nor can I place this gnawing that it causes at my spirit.
Word Count: 1207
Disclaimer: I still don't own them!
Never before had my spirit felt so heavy. This weight was unexplainable. Nothing had changed, though. Or at least nothing should have changed. We’re still his most devoted. We still are the ones who sing his praise and carry out his will. And yet… he has seemed to forget that.
His presence has diminished here as He began to spend more and more time with his precious new creation. And I do suppose that they were beautiful. After all they were sculpted in his image. They were also young. Innocent. Unknowledgeable. So I could understand why He treated them with such pride and caution. They were fragile. Breakable.
Even with the pressure upon me I could feel a twinge of fondness. They were slightly adorable. Over time I could even see myself growing quite attached to them. He did love them so very much. So I pushed aside my concerns and let them be.
“Lucifer.” I heard his glorious voice speak to me one day centuries after their creation. “What do you think of them?”
There was no doubt who the ‘they’ He was referring to was. My reaction was mixed. They had been somewhat amusing to watch. But they were so pitifully slow at learning. They all seemed either piously devoted to blasphemous to the core of their existence. They were…”Frustrating.” I spoke my thought and response.
“They do not realize their potential. They could be so much more and yet they entirely miss the point and grand scope, privilege, of subsisting in mortality. It is most baffling. It is troubling.”
“Would you not teach them then?” He asked me, his voice soothing the worry that had surfaced and tinged the purist color of my grace. It filled me to bursting with honor.
“Of all the angels I brought to life, you are the most brilliant. Lucifer, would you guide them? Would you walk with them as I cannot?”
I was lost for thought. He was asking me to leave his presence. Yet the reason was to mentor his most cherished. It was a mixed privilege and sorry. My essence illuminated.
“I would do anything you wished.” I breathed out and found myself the very next moment oh earth, with them, and his blessing.
So I abided by his will. I anonymously encouraged the humans to explore every trait of their being, the pleasant and the sinful. How could one truly feel repentance and the love of Him if they did not know the oppisite, the difference, and in their own search for forgiveness feel the all-encompassing love He would offer? I showed them these things even though I myself could not truly feel and therefore understand that which I taught. I merely had the ability to be aware of the possibilities. But little by little I began to understand.
One day the impossible occurred. I stopped to realize that I had sense. I started experiencing instead of teaching.
I felt the scornful ways of man and in response felt pain. I knew the joys found in the simplest and sometimes most sinful pleasures. I started to know excitement that came with anticipation. I felt the difference between angelic and mortal love, of anger, and was tempted by Lust in all her appearances. It was with the discovery of these emotions that I was able to finally place the gutted feeling I had felt so long ago at the time of mortal creation.
I had been jealous. I had been envious. I had desired to destroy these little playthings like the worthless trinkets they were.
It was we, His angels, which had been made perfect. Bit it was they, the human with their filthy flaws and inability to see with their own eyes, that had stolen His devotion. It was them that He was concerned for. Had we been created ourselves solely for their future protection? The assumption would not surprise me now.
After all he had cast me, me who in his eyes was the closest thing to nearing an equal, down as a simple herder. I wasn’t to teach them. I was to put them out to pasture. I was to throw them into their pens, and shovel their feces until it was time for their own slaughter and journey to their purposeful place. The anger from this revelation caused the limbs of my vessel to tremble and my muscles to clamp up tightly.
But the furious heat quickly turned into an uncontrollable flood. My spirit splintered as I fell to my knees in humiliation. From my eyes tears fell, burning away the greenery at my fingertips. What had I, what had we, done to deserve this? Had we displeased him so? Had he recognized the stirring in my faith, this sin of jealousy, and cast me out to prevent further corruption? Did he even still find me to be of any use?
In confusion and dismay my essence became sporadic. My grace leaked out, as the strength of my agitated soul fought for freedom from the constraint it now felt. I lashed out. The faintest trace of my true grace scorched the ground at my feet to ashes. The sound of my sorrowful wailing shattered many ears. The sight of my sullen form melted the eyes of the chosen I passed. My steps, heavy as my burden, formed barren mountains.
“Brother.” The sturdy voice of Gabriel came to me, my wrath and distress rocking even the heavens until it tipped them out from its pillowy bowl. “You must silence your pain. Fear not, God has not yet left you. You must calm yourself.”
His words could not reach me. My vision was tunneled. My wounds were too fresh, too raw. In blind madness I lashed out at the other being. With the first cut on his cheek other powers, those who would see themselves as my equals came to his defense.
First had been Michael, followed closely by Raphael. The healer’s words creped through the shell I had built up around me. HE had always been a commanding force. But even his soothing voice could not sedate me.
Behind him followed the others, the garrisons with their baffled warriors. They hadn’t had the need to turn against one of their own yet. They would not be merciful.
The entire force of heaven came down on me. Relentlessly they lashed out. They brought their righteousness they struggled against the darkness that encompassed my rationality. With an unseen force they push and pulled, sealing me far away into the core of the mortal realm.
As their chains and power tightened around me, I screamed out with agonizing sobs. I cried to Him. I called to Him, begging to listen. Only his explination would calm this uncontrollable fury. If only he would break a single word. Even if it were one condemning me to this punishment for my acts, I would have been able to hold my peace for the price of clarity.
Silence.
Even as I festered in the pit, it took me thousands of years to see how my imaginable devotion to him had been completely in vain. And yet… I still wait for his voice to reach me.
I wait yet in stillness.
Author: NightsWhisper/Nalana
Characters/Pairing(s): pre-fall!Lucifer, God, other angels
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Blasphemy.
Summary: I struggle to see his fascination and devotion to this infantile race. I cannot understand it, nor can I place this gnawing that it causes at my spirit.
Word Count: 1207
Disclaimer: I still don't own them!
Never before had my spirit felt so heavy. This weight was unexplainable. Nothing had changed, though. Or at least nothing should have changed. We’re still his most devoted. We still are the ones who sing his praise and carry out his will. And yet… he has seemed to forget that.
His presence has diminished here as He began to spend more and more time with his precious new creation. And I do suppose that they were beautiful. After all they were sculpted in his image. They were also young. Innocent. Unknowledgeable. So I could understand why He treated them with such pride and caution. They were fragile. Breakable.
Even with the pressure upon me I could feel a twinge of fondness. They were slightly adorable. Over time I could even see myself growing quite attached to them. He did love them so very much. So I pushed aside my concerns and let them be.
“Lucifer.” I heard his glorious voice speak to me one day centuries after their creation. “What do you think of them?”
There was no doubt who the ‘they’ He was referring to was. My reaction was mixed. They had been somewhat amusing to watch. But they were so pitifully slow at learning. They all seemed either piously devoted to blasphemous to the core of their existence. They were…”Frustrating.” I spoke my thought and response.
“They do not realize their potential. They could be so much more and yet they entirely miss the point and grand scope, privilege, of subsisting in mortality. It is most baffling. It is troubling.”
“Would you not teach them then?” He asked me, his voice soothing the worry that had surfaced and tinged the purist color of my grace. It filled me to bursting with honor.
“Of all the angels I brought to life, you are the most brilliant. Lucifer, would you guide them? Would you walk with them as I cannot?”
I was lost for thought. He was asking me to leave his presence. Yet the reason was to mentor his most cherished. It was a mixed privilege and sorry. My essence illuminated.
“I would do anything you wished.” I breathed out and found myself the very next moment oh earth, with them, and his blessing.
So I abided by his will. I anonymously encouraged the humans to explore every trait of their being, the pleasant and the sinful. How could one truly feel repentance and the love of Him if they did not know the oppisite, the difference, and in their own search for forgiveness feel the all-encompassing love He would offer? I showed them these things even though I myself could not truly feel and therefore understand that which I taught. I merely had the ability to be aware of the possibilities. But little by little I began to understand.
One day the impossible occurred. I stopped to realize that I had sense. I started experiencing instead of teaching.
I felt the scornful ways of man and in response felt pain. I knew the joys found in the simplest and sometimes most sinful pleasures. I started to know excitement that came with anticipation. I felt the difference between angelic and mortal love, of anger, and was tempted by Lust in all her appearances. It was with the discovery of these emotions that I was able to finally place the gutted feeling I had felt so long ago at the time of mortal creation.
I had been jealous. I had been envious. I had desired to destroy these little playthings like the worthless trinkets they were.
It was we, His angels, which had been made perfect. Bit it was they, the human with their filthy flaws and inability to see with their own eyes, that had stolen His devotion. It was them that He was concerned for. Had we been created ourselves solely for their future protection? The assumption would not surprise me now.
After all he had cast me, me who in his eyes was the closest thing to nearing an equal, down as a simple herder. I wasn’t to teach them. I was to put them out to pasture. I was to throw them into their pens, and shovel their feces until it was time for their own slaughter and journey to their purposeful place. The anger from this revelation caused the limbs of my vessel to tremble and my muscles to clamp up tightly.
But the furious heat quickly turned into an uncontrollable flood. My spirit splintered as I fell to my knees in humiliation. From my eyes tears fell, burning away the greenery at my fingertips. What had I, what had we, done to deserve this? Had we displeased him so? Had he recognized the stirring in my faith, this sin of jealousy, and cast me out to prevent further corruption? Did he even still find me to be of any use?
In confusion and dismay my essence became sporadic. My grace leaked out, as the strength of my agitated soul fought for freedom from the constraint it now felt. I lashed out. The faintest trace of my true grace scorched the ground at my feet to ashes. The sound of my sorrowful wailing shattered many ears. The sight of my sullen form melted the eyes of the chosen I passed. My steps, heavy as my burden, formed barren mountains.
“Brother.” The sturdy voice of Gabriel came to me, my wrath and distress rocking even the heavens until it tipped them out from its pillowy bowl. “You must silence your pain. Fear not, God has not yet left you. You must calm yourself.”
His words could not reach me. My vision was tunneled. My wounds were too fresh, too raw. In blind madness I lashed out at the other being. With the first cut on his cheek other powers, those who would see themselves as my equals came to his defense.
First had been Michael, followed closely by Raphael. The healer’s words creped through the shell I had built up around me. HE had always been a commanding force. But even his soothing voice could not sedate me.
Behind him followed the others, the garrisons with their baffled warriors. They hadn’t had the need to turn against one of their own yet. They would not be merciful.
The entire force of heaven came down on me. Relentlessly they lashed out. They brought their righteousness they struggled against the darkness that encompassed my rationality. With an unseen force they push and pulled, sealing me far away into the core of the mortal realm.
As their chains and power tightened around me, I screamed out with agonizing sobs. I cried to Him. I called to Him, begging to listen. Only his explination would calm this uncontrollable fury. If only he would break a single word. Even if it were one condemning me to this punishment for my acts, I would have been able to hold my peace for the price of clarity.
Silence.
Even as I festered in the pit, it took me thousands of years to see how my imaginable devotion to him had been completely in vain. And yet… I still wait for his voice to reach me.
I wait yet in stillness.