Prompt 1: The Tent

[queeniegalore]

In the spirit of diversity, I give you not a fic, per se, but a conversation about an event in Sam and Dean's life that could be MADE into a fic, were anyone so inclined.
_seraphina_ and I were chatting last night, trying to fix our broken Wincest, when she brought up the two man tent and insisted on knowing what happened in it. I told her. And then she elaborated. And two thousand crack-addled words later, we ended up with...this. I was going to clean it up properly and present it in a more fic-like form, but i's funnier if you read it like the actual conversation. Either of us might still turn it into a fic, and if any of y'all want to give it a go, feel welcome!

Prompts: The Two Man Tent
Authors:
queeniegalore and
_seraphina_
Catagory: Slash
Rating: Probably R-ish
Spoilers: No
Warnings: Crack, giggling, wincest

Frottage: Sera
Queenie: Queenie

Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
ok...two man tent
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
...they're on a job
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
...where?
The Queenie is Dead says:
Middle of...somewhere cold. Colorado, but not in winter, because they'd freeze
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
autumn
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
what are they hunting?
The Queenie is Dead says:
They're camping out to catch a... ghost that leads hikers into the woods and bewitches them, like in old fairy tales from Ireland
The Queenie is Dead says:
so maybe not a ghost, but some sort of elemental spirit
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
a raccoon pees on dean's sleeping bag
The Queenie is Dead says:
And Dean is all 'It's a fucking fairy, Sam. We're hunting Tinkerbelle'
The Queenie is Dead says:
hehehe
The Queenie is Dead says:
And the night just couldn't get any worse, for Dean. Especially after Sam tips out his bottle of Jack because they're on the job
The Queenie is Dead says:
"We're hunting Peasleblossom, a raccoon pissed all over my sleeping bag, and now I've got no booze? Can't we just yell "I don't believe in fairies" a few times and go back to civilisation?'
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
EEEE!!!! keep going!
The Queenie is Dead says:
Sam is all Serious Eyes of Superiority, and makes Dean shut up and get in the damn tent. He thinks they can get a few hours sleep before setting the trap, and as he slides into his sleeping bag, Dean is giving him the filthiest look ever.
The Queenie is Dead says:
'Where the hell am I gonna sleep, dude?' 'Oh, uh...do we have any spare blankets' 'No!' 'Then I'm not really sure.' 'You're not sure. You're not SURE? Fuck this whole gig, Sam, I'm walking back.'
The Queenie is Dead says:
But he's totally not, because, as Sam points out, it's dark, it hours to the car, and they have a freaking job to do.
The Queenie is Dead says:
So Sam suggests that they share the one sleeping bag.
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
WHEEEEE
The Queenie is Dead says:
...and you can tell ME what happens next
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
Sam has the BEST ideas!

The Queenie is Dead says:
it can be a joint effort. We'll post the result on the comm
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
there are animal noises
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
scary ones...well
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
not scary ones, but Dean, he's not keen on the little furry creatures
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
and Sam's asleep
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
but Dean can't sleep because of the noises and he sorta shifts a bit closer to Sam and Sam's all grumbling in his sleep
The Queenie is Dead says:
 I like where this is headed
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
asking Dean what the hell is his problem and Dean's all 'Dude...i think that 'coon is back...and it brought it's big coon family'
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
and...i dunno
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
:/
The Queenie is Dead says:
Ok. *takes baton*
The Queenie is Dead says:
Sam's like, 'Maybe they want another toilet. Toss your jacket outside with your sleeping bag, that'll shut them up,' and tries to go back to sleep
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
heh!
The Queenie is Dead says:
But Dean isn't letting him get away with it. 'No dude, seriously - there's something out there.' 'In a forest? Really? Wow, Dean.' 'Man, screw you, shut up!' 'YOU shut up! I'm trying to get some sleep here!'
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
oh, this is FUN!! like story time on play school
The Queenie is Dead says:
Dean hears another noise and jumps a bit closer to Sam, who is very amused. 'Oh my God, Dean, you're really freaked out, aren't you?' 'No! I'm just cautious.' 'Can you be cautious a little further away? You're lying all over me'
The Queenie is Dead says:
your turn
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
but but...no...this,...AHHH...*head desk*
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
ok, i lost my Winchester too
The Queenie is Dead says:
nooooo
The Queenie is Dead says:
it can't happen to us both at the same time!
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
I KNOW!!!!
The Queenie is Dead says:
look at them, IMPLORING you for slash!
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
um um...what can Dean say that maintains his masculinity but leaves him still all over Sam
The Queenie is Dead says:
He could point out how small the sleeping bag is
The Queenie is Dead says:
and that is was Sam's idea for them to share
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
he could...purposely roll over hard and fast which would only drag Sam over to him because they’re in this thing together
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
then...they get all tangled and are bitching and arguing all 'Just hold still a moment' 'you hold still!' 'For god's sake Dean just fucking...nggg...um...Dean...just...Hold the fuck still for a moment! your leg is like, wedged between...nnng!'
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
*snickers*
The Queenie is Dead says:
between his nng?
The Queenie is Dead says:
I like the sound of that
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
ha, Sebastian Spence is on the telly...didn't realise he had more than one facial expression after hi appearance in Devil's Trap
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
and...seeing as i got the ball rolling and there's mention of 'ngggg'...your turn!
The Queenie is Dead says:
He is...Impassive Man! Least scary villain ever!
The Queenie is Dead says:
Ok.
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
‘cept when he's smacking Sam around *whimpers*
The Queenie is Dead says:
Dean smirks and mutters 'I see you really are a Winchester, huh Sammy?' and Sam is confused for a second before: 'What? WHAT? Dean, are you talking about my...? That is so wrong! how would you even know whether all Winchester's have...Jesus! Not having this conversation!'
The Queenie is Dead says:
Dean just laughs at him getting all worked up, and kicks him in the ankle. 'you're such a girl.' But Sam's annoyed now and says testily 'thought we just established that I WASN'T', and shoves his hips forwards for emphasis
The Queenie is Dead says:
Which certainly shuts Dean the hell up for, oh, about five seconds
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
is this going to turn into some kind of competition? Like, who's gonna yield and shove the other off first?
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
but being a Winchester means more than just being well endowed...it means you're a stubborn ass too
The Queenie is Dead says:
Neither of them would yield in a million years
The Queenie is Dead says:
it's like Gay Chicken
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
*snorts tea out her nose*
The Queenie is Dead says:
 I have to admit, I totally stole that from an episode of Scrubs, where Dr. Cox and Brandon Fraser get THIS close to kissing before Cox pulls away and Brandon yells 'YES! I am the king of Gay Chicken!'
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
lol. I do so like scrubs
The Queenie is Dead says:
Also, Dr. Cox and Brandon Frasier are hawt
The Queenie is Dead says:
but
The Queenie is Dead says:
back to the boys
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
ok so they're playing each other for the kingdom of Gay Chicken
The Queenie is Dead says:
They're sort of tangled with Sam lying straddling Dean's thigh, which is stuck there, and neither can move without severe embarrassment - not that either of them will.
The Queenie is Dead says:
And Dean is being ornery. 'You're still a girl, Sam. THIS-' and he jams his thigh up in imitation of Sam '-doesn't prove anything'
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
...it doesn't?
The Queenie is Dead says:
Not when Dean's trying to egg Sam on, it doesn't
The Queenie is Dead says:
And Sam is so easily baited.
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
hehe! i know!
The Queenie is Dead says:
'You WANT me to prove it, jerk?'
The Queenie is Dead says:
And how does Dean say 'Yes' without implying 'Do me, big boy, do me hard'?
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
oh oh oh!!! does he grab Dean's hand and shove it down his pants?
The Queenie is Dead says:
...god, I hope so
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
hmmm...what would Dean's reaction be to that?
The Queenie is Dead says:
Horror, surprise, but, because this is slash, interest
The Queenie is Dead says:
sort of a 'Sam! What are you doing!' coupled with a bit of 'Oooh, hello!'
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
maybe a shocked silence then a clearing of the throat and then a 'Ok, Sam, so you're definitely not a girl...what now?' another silence, panting in the darkness, Dean swallows hard expecting Sam to roll off now that his 'proved his point' so to speak, then, Sam's kissing him and they're bumping noses in the dark and then Sam's tongue is in his mouth and..gah!
The Queenie is Dead says:
like this icon!
The Queenie is Dead says:
except more...horizontal
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
YES
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
and The Sleeping Bag Of Wincest Waiting To Happen
The Queenie is Dead says:
Dean is totally confused but also turned on in that 'this is so wrong but damn is it hot' sort of way. Also, he still doesn't want to back down, and he feels the need to let Sam know that he's not the only Winchester with a lot to be proud of. So he starts to grind up against Sam's leg.
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
oh Heaven thy name is frottage
The Queenie is Dead says:
And it's the most awkward thing ever, because of the aforementioned SBOWWTH, but Sam gets his hand on Dean’s dick through his...pants? what are they sleeping in? but he can't get INSIDE his clothes, so they sort out some nice friction angles and just have at
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
boxers... because their demins got wet during their hike or whatever during the day and they're drying by the fire
The Queenie is Dead says:
So Dean has his hand wrapped around Sam, and Sam is all pressed up against Dean and they're kissing and...I...I think my Wincest is back
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
or maybe one has jeans and the other just boxers
The Queenie is Dead says:
Dean can have Jeans, because Sam shoved Dean's hand down his pants pretty easy
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
yeah, ok
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
HOT
The Queenie is Dead says:
and for Dean to be hunting fairies with no booze, sleeping bag OR jeans is a little too sucky
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
lol.,..yeah...we wanna make it believable *shifty eyes*
The Queenie is Dead says:
Yeah. Just bring in a touch of reality - he's in a tent screwing his brother BUT HIS JEANS ARE OK
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
tehehehe
The Queenie is Dead says:
Ok. Matters progress, and Sam comes first, because it seems like he's getting the better part of the deal here, and then Dean, and it is so awkward they can hardly breathe
The Queenie is Dead says:
but they're stuck in that damn sleeping bag together
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
god bless TSBOWWTH
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
Dean's gonna wish he'd taken off his jeans
The Queenie is Dead says:
He'll have to, now. No one could sleep in that
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
they are grotty boys
The Queenie is Dead says:
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm
The Queenie is Dead says:
I mean, that does nothing for me at all!
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
lol
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
well so he comes in his jeans then what? gets outta the sleeping bag? what about the after sex snuggle?
The Queenie is Dead says:
He uses the jeans excuse to get out of his sleeping bag and leave the tent for a sec, 'cause it's so small he can't move properly. He angsts a little bit - just a little, 'cause this is fluff - and that's when he sees The Raccoon of Doom sitting happily on his abandoned sleeping bag. He's back in that tent in .3 seconds, and that's when the snuggling happens.
The Queenie is Dead says:
After Sam has sufficiently mocked him
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
WHEEEE. coz Sam'll protect him fro m the Big Bad Coon
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
fights demons on a daily basis but can't handle the critters
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
of course, it all stems from wee!Sam sneaking critters into his bed when they were kids
The Queenie is Dead says:
which Sam thought was hilarious, not knowing that one day it would come back to haunt him
The Queenie is Dead says:
But being that it haunts him with wincesty goodness, I guess it's not so bad
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
it's perfect...it's a haunting he can live with without exorcisms
The Queenie is Dead says:
Dude, we totally practically sorta just wrote an almost fic!
The Queenie is Dead says:
We rock
Frottage: The cheese on a Winchester sandwich says:
I KNOW!!!