Extended Ending to My Fic Exchange Fic
By popular demand (okay, technically two people) I'm posting the previously unpublished alternate ending to The Great Gender Fail (of the Apocalypse). story that I wrote for antrazi. My artist angelus2hot thought it was funny, but I chickened out and decided not to include further Dean-torture in the 'official' verstion. But... here's the alternate ending if you're interested. God forgive me. Rated PG-13 for some language.
Dean sat on the edge of the couch cushion with her legs splayed in a very unladylike manner and proceeded to studiously read the label on her beer bottle. Even in the female body, Bobby could read all of his expressions. He/she had something to say, but just didn’t know how to say it.
“What is it Dean? Somethin' on your mind?”
“Nah,” she said with a shrug. “It’s just… never mind.”
Bobby rolled his eyes and watched as Dean picked at the label on the bottle. “What is it sweetheart?” he teased. “You can tell your Uncle Bobby.”
Her head snapped up. “Dude! That’s not funny. You sound like a giant perv! I’m a grown woman, Bobby and sweetheart sounds condescending as hell.” She jabbed a finger at him. “It’s that kinda talk that got me turned in the first place. So, unless you’re a closet lesbian too, you better watch that male chauvinist mouth of yours.”
Bobby stared impassively at Dean for a moment and then glanced over at his brother. Sam just smirked, raised his eyebrows, and took a pull off his beer. It seemed he’d given up on trying to reason with his older sibling. Bobby was on his own here.
“Okay Dean,” he said with forced patience. “What would you like to tell me?”
She shrugged. “It’s probably nothing… It’s just… Well, I was thinking maybe the witch laid some extra whammy on me. You know, besides the whole sex change thing.”
“That wasn’t enough!?”
Bobby immediately regretted that little outburst, because girl-Dean did not look very happy. He cleared his throat and asked, “What makes you think that?” hoping to move the conversation along.
“Last day or so, I’ve been having these pains,” she said sheepishly. “It’s kinda weird. It’s like somebody’s sticking a knife in my gut, and earlier I noticed that… Now, don’t laugh,” she warned icily.
Bobby held up his hands in surrender. “Not laughing.”
“Good, cause I’m not joking.” Girl-Dean paused for a moment before continuing. “My boobs are hurting, okay. It’s freaky as hell. At first I thought it was cause I played with ‘em too much… Hey, they’re really nice!” she defended before Bobby could comment. “Anyway… That ain’t right, is it Bobby? You think that bitch -- I mean lady -- laid another curse on me? Think you could do some research?”
Bobby took his cap off and scratched at his head. How was he supposed to put this?
“These pains of yours… You think ‘cramps’ is a fair word for ‘em?”
Girl-Dean nodded. “Yeah. Sounds right. Why? Does that help?” she asked hopefully.
Sam had already caught on and was sniggering behind his hand like a twelve-year-old. Bobby was going to smack the fool out of that boy when he got a chance.
“Dean, the thing is… You’re only about half right. Some people use the word ‘curse’… well my momma and my aunt did anyway…”
Damn, Bobby wished he had a good, stiff drink. He was just going to have to spit it out, because girl-Dean obviously wasn’t any brighter than boy-Dean when it came to these kinds of things. The idjit looked like a deer in headlights.
“Kid, it ain’t no curse. Not a supernatural one, anyway. You have PMS, Dean. You should invest in a bottle of Midol and some…” Bobby waived his hand in the air. “Whatever else it is you ladies need during that time of the month.”
“What?!”
Girl-Dean was clearly on the verge of panic and Sam had given up on trying to hide his laughter. His ‘sister’ gave him a look that could kill and then turned wide-eyes on Bobby.
“The hell? NO, Bobby! That can’t be right. This ain’t natural.”
“Oh, it’s natural all right.”
Her face became extremely pale. “Change me back, Bobby! Now! Dude, you gotta do something about this! I was wrong. This is clearly NOT awesome.” She began to pace the room, alternating between gripping her stomach and her breasts. “You guys were right. I'm not a real lesbian. Man, I’m not cut out for this. Change me back! ”
Bobby already had the reversal spell ready. He'd just been waiting for Dean to ask for it, but he decided to make him sweat a little longer.
"Keep your panties on. I'll look into it."
XXXXXXXXXX
A/N: At least I didn't give him a menstrual migraine that no drug on earth could defeat. I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy, let alone the sexiest man alive. I'm soooo sorry about this, Dean.
Dean sat on the edge of the couch cushion with her legs splayed in a very unladylike manner and proceeded to studiously read the label on her beer bottle. Even in the female body, Bobby could read all of his expressions. He/she had something to say, but just didn’t know how to say it.
“What is it Dean? Somethin' on your mind?”
“Nah,” she said with a shrug. “It’s just… never mind.”
Bobby rolled his eyes and watched as Dean picked at the label on the bottle. “What is it sweetheart?” he teased. “You can tell your Uncle Bobby.”
Her head snapped up. “Dude! That’s not funny. You sound like a giant perv! I’m a grown woman, Bobby and sweetheart sounds condescending as hell.” She jabbed a finger at him. “It’s that kinda talk that got me turned in the first place. So, unless you’re a closet lesbian too, you better watch that male chauvinist mouth of yours.”
Bobby stared impassively at Dean for a moment and then glanced over at his brother. Sam just smirked, raised his eyebrows, and took a pull off his beer. It seemed he’d given up on trying to reason with his older sibling. Bobby was on his own here.
“Okay Dean,” he said with forced patience. “What would you like to tell me?”
She shrugged. “It’s probably nothing… It’s just… Well, I was thinking maybe the witch laid some extra whammy on me. You know, besides the whole sex change thing.”
“That wasn’t enough!?”
Bobby immediately regretted that little outburst, because girl-Dean did not look very happy. He cleared his throat and asked, “What makes you think that?” hoping to move the conversation along.
“Last day or so, I’ve been having these pains,” she said sheepishly. “It’s kinda weird. It’s like somebody’s sticking a knife in my gut, and earlier I noticed that… Now, don’t laugh,” she warned icily.
Bobby held up his hands in surrender. “Not laughing.”
“Good, cause I’m not joking.” Girl-Dean paused for a moment before continuing. “My boobs are hurting, okay. It’s freaky as hell. At first I thought it was cause I played with ‘em too much… Hey, they’re really nice!” she defended before Bobby could comment. “Anyway… That ain’t right, is it Bobby? You think that bitch -- I mean lady -- laid another curse on me? Think you could do some research?”
Bobby took his cap off and scratched at his head. How was he supposed to put this?
“These pains of yours… You think ‘cramps’ is a fair word for ‘em?”
Girl-Dean nodded. “Yeah. Sounds right. Why? Does that help?” she asked hopefully.
Sam had already caught on and was sniggering behind his hand like a twelve-year-old. Bobby was going to smack the fool out of that boy when he got a chance.
“Dean, the thing is… You’re only about half right. Some people use the word ‘curse’… well my momma and my aunt did anyway…”
Damn, Bobby wished he had a good, stiff drink. He was just going to have to spit it out, because girl-Dean obviously wasn’t any brighter than boy-Dean when it came to these kinds of things. The idjit looked like a deer in headlights.
“Kid, it ain’t no curse. Not a supernatural one, anyway. You have PMS, Dean. You should invest in a bottle of Midol and some…” Bobby waived his hand in the air. “Whatever else it is you ladies need during that time of the month.”
“What?!”
Girl-Dean was clearly on the verge of panic and Sam had given up on trying to hide his laughter. His ‘sister’ gave him a look that could kill and then turned wide-eyes on Bobby.
“The hell? NO, Bobby! That can’t be right. This ain’t natural.”
“Oh, it’s natural all right.”
Her face became extremely pale. “Change me back, Bobby! Now! Dude, you gotta do something about this! I was wrong. This is clearly NOT awesome.” She began to pace the room, alternating between gripping her stomach and her breasts. “You guys were right. I'm not a real lesbian. Man, I’m not cut out for this. Change me back! ”
Bobby already had the reversal spell ready. He'd just been waiting for Dean to ask for it, but he decided to make him sweat a little longer.
"Keep your panties on. I'll look into it."
XXXXXXXXXX
A/N: At least I didn't give him a menstrual migraine that no drug on earth could defeat. I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy, let alone the sexiest man alive. I'm soooo sorry about this, Dean.