Crowley's Christmas Fic Exchange: BONUS FIC - The Mall is the New Hell for Emmatheslayer
What can I say? I don't know what jdl71's muse is drinking, but I could do with a bloody pint of it. It brings me great joy yeah, whatever, to bring you another bonus fic, this time based on this prompt by emmatheslayer
Original prompt: It's just days before Christmas and Dean has to to go Christmas shopping for Sam, Castiel, Jack, Claire, and Crowley. What would he buy for each of them how would he react to clogged up malls and people fighting over things (etc)
Author: jdl71
Recipient: emmatheslayer
Beta’d by: glovered
Word count: 2,210
Rating: Gen
To say Dean was irritated that day was the understatement of the year. It had taken him over twenty minutes to try to find a parking space and a near accident with a moron who whipped around a corner thinking he was going to get the spot that Dean had been waiting wait for, barely stopping inches away from the Impala’s bumper. Dean just gritted his teeth and pulled into the parking space, as the other driver gave him the finger. Dean just waved, locked his door and walked toward the mall doors, all the while reminding himself to keep the holiday spirit alive.
Ba Humbug? It was more like yeah, this was all bullshit; another reason he didn’t celebrate holidays, he thought to himself. As he walked through the automated doors, a woman texting on her phone walked right into him. He just smiled and stepped aside as she threw him a look that said ‘watch where you’re going’ to him. He shook his head and chuckled as he walked inside where he was immediately assaulted by the chaos before him.
He sighed and ran a hand down his face; what he saw in front of himself made his blood run cold and he caught himself wishing he was facing a demon instead of being at the mall. He heard screaming from children having meltdowns over sitting on Santa’s lap. Who could blame them? Sitting on some smelly, fat man in a red suit wearing a creepy fake beard would make him want to run screaming from the mall as well and he was a grown-ass man.
He passed a mother trying to pick her child up after he had thrown himself down on the floor over being given a candy cane. Dean wasn’t sure why the kid was so upset over the fact that the candy cane was red and white instead of white and red. Did it really make a difference? Just eat the damn thing he wanted to say to the kid.
But, he kept walking, searching for a store where he knew he could pick Sam up a few things in; maybe even find a few gifts for the others on his list. One-stop shopping! Dean liked the idea of that. He wandered into a store and looked around, seeing a few shirts he thought Sam would like. He walked over and reached out to pick one up only for an older woman to snatch it away from him.
“I saw it first.” She said as she clutched it to her chest.
He held his hands up in surrender and moved to another shirt. She tried to make a grab for that shirt as well but Dean was faster.
“Yeah, I saw this one first.” He said and watched the woman stalk off.
He held the shirt up, made sure it was the right size and laid it over his arm. He walked through the store trying to find anything else before he went up to the counter to pay. He eyed a few t-shirts and grabbed them before anyone else noticed them. He walked to the cashier and tossed down the shirts waiting to pay. The cashier gave him the once over, picked up the shirts and scanned them before telling Dean how much he owed. He paid and took the bag from the cashier’s hands as she told him to have a Merry Christmas in a monotone voice.
He walked out and had to dodge two women pushing strollers that almost took him out. “Excuse me!” He yelled out to them as they continued on without a second glance at him.
He walked a few feet to find another store and shuddered before he entered into the world of teenage girls. He was met by a twenty-something woman who offered to spritz him with the latest perfume.
“Do I look like a teenage girl?” He asked her, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Because really, he was so not a teenage, let alone a girl!
It felt a little creepy being in the store and he just wanted to get something for Claire and get the hell out. “Can I help you? You look a little out of place here.” A female voice called out to him.
“You have no idea.” Dean said as he turned around to find an older woman standing behind him with a sympathetic smile on her face.
“Are you looking for something for your daughter?” She asked.
“Oh, God no, no kids. It’s for a friend’s daughter. She’s around seventeen or eighteen. Really intense, dark.” Dean said.
She smiled and motioned for him to follow her. “I think I know just the thing.” She said as she led him to the back of the store and showed him a black jacket with silver buckles adorning it. “What do you think?” She asked him.
“It’s awesome. Do you have it in a large?” He asked and watched as she looked through a couple of them and pulled out the size he wanted before walking him to the register. She rang up his purchase, bagged it and handed it to him after he paid.
“Merry Christmas.” She said to him as he walked out.
“Ah, yeah, same to you.” He called over his shoulder as he made his escape from the store.
He had two gifts down and three to go. He wondered to himself why Crowley was on his list and why he even wanted to give him a gift. He passed by a kiosk selling items that could engraved and it sparked his interest. He walked around it, trying to find something that might be fitting for Crowley. He eyed a silver flask and smiled. Now to get someone to wait on him. He saw two teenagers talking; not paying attention to anything else going on around them.
“One of you work here?” He growled at them. One skittered away, leaving the other staring at him, mouth gaping open. “I want this.” Dean said as he pointed to the flask, waiting for the kid to get off his ass and wait on him.
The kid slid from the stool and walked toward him. “You want this engraved?” He asked nervously.
“Yeah, I want it to read ‘King of Hell,’ you got that?” Dean asked and his lips twitched, wanting to smile at the kids reaction.
The kid swallowed several times before nodding and getting the flask. Dean paid for it and took his receipt, looking over the noted engravement to make sure it was right. “This will take around twenty minutes.” The kid said and stepped away from Dean to set up the engraving machine.
Only two more people to shop for; Cas and Jack, he reminded himself. He was at a loss as to what to get them and he was quickly losing his patience being in this circus called a mall. He looked out over the crowd of people walking in and out of stores and wished he was home, feet up with a bottle of beer in his hands. Why couldn’t the mall have a beer kiosk? He thought to himself; it would make his Christmas shopping so much more enjoyable.
He forced himself to focus on his task, Christmas shopping. What do you get an angel and the spawn of hell for Christmas? This was the hard part for him; picking out gifts. He walked around for awhile, looking in different stores, not seeing anything that caught his interest or looked like something that would be right for either of them.
He crossed to the other side of the mall to look in a store hoping he would be able to find something, anything for the last two on his list. He looked around and found something he thought might actually be perfect for Jack. He dropped his bags at his feet and picked up a book on the universe. He flipped through it and nodded, liking the idea of this as a gift for Jack. Picking up his bags, he fought his way through the narrow aisles of the store to get to the register, wondering why people felt the need to pack so much into a tiny space.
He turned in the direction of the register, only to knock over a few items from as display. He had to stop himself from kicking the items out of his way and just walking to the the register. He bent down and picked up the baseball hats that had fallen and shoved them back onto the table. When he got to the register he slammed the book down on the counter, making the cashier jump in surprise.
She reached out and picked up the book and rang up the sale. “Did you find everything you needed?” She asked, giving Dean the impression that she wasn’t really interested in his answer.
“Yeah, sure.” He said as he handed her the cash and took the bag from her. He turned on his heel and walked out of the store, hoping he would find the last gift he needed before he lost his temper.
He stood in the middle of the mall, people walking into him as they rushed by, trying to figure out what would be the right gift for Cas. He found himself pushed along by the crowd of people, until he stopped in front of a store that sold electronics. Taking a chance, he walked in and looked around.
He walked over to a display of boxes housing back massagers. He picked up one of the boxes and read it, It massaged, it vibrated on different setting as well as having a heat setting. He liked the idea of this last gift. He tucked it under his arm and carried it to the counter, as he paid he realized he had to go back through the crowds to pick up Crowley’s gift and get back to the Impala. He groaned out loud at the thought and felt his shoulders slump.
He stood at the opening of the store and braced himself for what felt like the fight of his life. He walked back to the kiosk, forcing his way through people who stood in his way. Two girls who were texting on their phones while walking in front of him just stopped and he nearly knocked them down.
“Sorry, sorry, didn’t realize you were going to just stop like that.” He said in frustration as they looked at him in disgust.
When he got back to the kiosk, he pulled out his receipt and handed it to the same kid who had waited on him earlier. The kid hurriedly got the flask, showed it to him and bagged it up before shoving the bag into Dean’s hand.
Dean spun on his heel and began to walk back through the mall, hoping to get out of there as fast as possible. The crowds seemed to be moving against him, no matter what he did and he felt his irritation rising. He just wanted to get the hell out of this place. He didn’t care what it took to do that. He was actually ready to make a deal with Crowley himself, if that would help him in any way. When he finally saw the light of day and stepped outside, he breathed a sigh a relief. Now, he just had to make it to his car and out of the parking lot before he was tempted to run someone over.
He skirted around a few cars looking for parking spaces and weaved in and out of parked cars to get to his car. He opened the back door and tossed the bags in before getting in behind the wheel of the Impala. He sat back and closed his eyes taking a few deep breaths, listening to the honking of car horns. He was about to put the key into the ignition when someone pounded on his window. He rolled down the window a few inches to hear what the man was saying to him
“You gonna move any time soon? I’m waiting for your space.” The man yelled at him. Dean gripped the steering wheel, knuckles turning white trying to remain calm and feeling his grip on it slipping away as the man pounded again. “Move this piece of shit car.”
Dean turned to look at him as he pushed open his door, hands clenched into fists and drew himself to his full height. “I suggest you get back in your car.” Dean growled at the man and watched as the man backed away, getting into his own car. Dean got back in, started the Impala and backed out of his parking space.
As he made his way out of the mall parking lot he watched as the man pulled into the now empty space. Dean shook his head at everything that had taken place today as he turned on the radio, letting the sounds of Led Zeppelin sooth him. He looked over at the line of cars trying to get into the mall and vowed that next year he was just getting everyone gift cards at the local mini-mart.
end
Original prompt: It's just days before Christmas and Dean has to to go Christmas shopping for Sam, Castiel, Jack, Claire, and Crowley. What would he buy for each of them how would he react to clogged up malls and people fighting over things (etc)
Author: jdl71
Recipient: emmatheslayer
Beta’d by: glovered
Word count: 2,210
Rating: Gen
To say Dean was irritated that day was the understatement of the year. It had taken him over twenty minutes to try to find a parking space and a near accident with a moron who whipped around a corner thinking he was going to get the spot that Dean had been waiting wait for, barely stopping inches away from the Impala’s bumper. Dean just gritted his teeth and pulled into the parking space, as the other driver gave him the finger. Dean just waved, locked his door and walked toward the mall doors, all the while reminding himself to keep the holiday spirit alive.
Ba Humbug? It was more like yeah, this was all bullshit; another reason he didn’t celebrate holidays, he thought to himself. As he walked through the automated doors, a woman texting on her phone walked right into him. He just smiled and stepped aside as she threw him a look that said ‘watch where you’re going’ to him. He shook his head and chuckled as he walked inside where he was immediately assaulted by the chaos before him.
He sighed and ran a hand down his face; what he saw in front of himself made his blood run cold and he caught himself wishing he was facing a demon instead of being at the mall. He heard screaming from children having meltdowns over sitting on Santa’s lap. Who could blame them? Sitting on some smelly, fat man in a red suit wearing a creepy fake beard would make him want to run screaming from the mall as well and he was a grown-ass man.
He passed a mother trying to pick her child up after he had thrown himself down on the floor over being given a candy cane. Dean wasn’t sure why the kid was so upset over the fact that the candy cane was red and white instead of white and red. Did it really make a difference? Just eat the damn thing he wanted to say to the kid.
But, he kept walking, searching for a store where he knew he could pick Sam up a few things in; maybe even find a few gifts for the others on his list. One-stop shopping! Dean liked the idea of that. He wandered into a store and looked around, seeing a few shirts he thought Sam would like. He walked over and reached out to pick one up only for an older woman to snatch it away from him.
“I saw it first.” She said as she clutched it to her chest.
He held his hands up in surrender and moved to another shirt. She tried to make a grab for that shirt as well but Dean was faster.
“Yeah, I saw this one first.” He said and watched the woman stalk off.
He held the shirt up, made sure it was the right size and laid it over his arm. He walked through the store trying to find anything else before he went up to the counter to pay. He eyed a few t-shirts and grabbed them before anyone else noticed them. He walked to the cashier and tossed down the shirts waiting to pay. The cashier gave him the once over, picked up the shirts and scanned them before telling Dean how much he owed. He paid and took the bag from the cashier’s hands as she told him to have a Merry Christmas in a monotone voice.
He walked out and had to dodge two women pushing strollers that almost took him out. “Excuse me!” He yelled out to them as they continued on without a second glance at him.
He walked a few feet to find another store and shuddered before he entered into the world of teenage girls. He was met by a twenty-something woman who offered to spritz him with the latest perfume.
“Do I look like a teenage girl?” He asked her, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Because really, he was so not a teenage, let alone a girl!
It felt a little creepy being in the store and he just wanted to get something for Claire and get the hell out. “Can I help you? You look a little out of place here.” A female voice called out to him.
“You have no idea.” Dean said as he turned around to find an older woman standing behind him with a sympathetic smile on her face.
“Are you looking for something for your daughter?” She asked.
“Oh, God no, no kids. It’s for a friend’s daughter. She’s around seventeen or eighteen. Really intense, dark.” Dean said.
She smiled and motioned for him to follow her. “I think I know just the thing.” She said as she led him to the back of the store and showed him a black jacket with silver buckles adorning it. “What do you think?” She asked him.
“It’s awesome. Do you have it in a large?” He asked and watched as she looked through a couple of them and pulled out the size he wanted before walking him to the register. She rang up his purchase, bagged it and handed it to him after he paid.
“Merry Christmas.” She said to him as he walked out.
“Ah, yeah, same to you.” He called over his shoulder as he made his escape from the store.
He had two gifts down and three to go. He wondered to himself why Crowley was on his list and why he even wanted to give him a gift. He passed by a kiosk selling items that could engraved and it sparked his interest. He walked around it, trying to find something that might be fitting for Crowley. He eyed a silver flask and smiled. Now to get someone to wait on him. He saw two teenagers talking; not paying attention to anything else going on around them.
“One of you work here?” He growled at them. One skittered away, leaving the other staring at him, mouth gaping open. “I want this.” Dean said as he pointed to the flask, waiting for the kid to get off his ass and wait on him.
The kid slid from the stool and walked toward him. “You want this engraved?” He asked nervously.
“Yeah, I want it to read ‘King of Hell,’ you got that?” Dean asked and his lips twitched, wanting to smile at the kids reaction.
The kid swallowed several times before nodding and getting the flask. Dean paid for it and took his receipt, looking over the noted engravement to make sure it was right. “This will take around twenty minutes.” The kid said and stepped away from Dean to set up the engraving machine.
Only two more people to shop for; Cas and Jack, he reminded himself. He was at a loss as to what to get them and he was quickly losing his patience being in this circus called a mall. He looked out over the crowd of people walking in and out of stores and wished he was home, feet up with a bottle of beer in his hands. Why couldn’t the mall have a beer kiosk? He thought to himself; it would make his Christmas shopping so much more enjoyable.
He forced himself to focus on his task, Christmas shopping. What do you get an angel and the spawn of hell for Christmas? This was the hard part for him; picking out gifts. He walked around for awhile, looking in different stores, not seeing anything that caught his interest or looked like something that would be right for either of them.
He crossed to the other side of the mall to look in a store hoping he would be able to find something, anything for the last two on his list. He looked around and found something he thought might actually be perfect for Jack. He dropped his bags at his feet and picked up a book on the universe. He flipped through it and nodded, liking the idea of this as a gift for Jack. Picking up his bags, he fought his way through the narrow aisles of the store to get to the register, wondering why people felt the need to pack so much into a tiny space.
He turned in the direction of the register, only to knock over a few items from as display. He had to stop himself from kicking the items out of his way and just walking to the the register. He bent down and picked up the baseball hats that had fallen and shoved them back onto the table. When he got to the register he slammed the book down on the counter, making the cashier jump in surprise.
She reached out and picked up the book and rang up the sale. “Did you find everything you needed?” She asked, giving Dean the impression that she wasn’t really interested in his answer.
“Yeah, sure.” He said as he handed her the cash and took the bag from her. He turned on his heel and walked out of the store, hoping he would find the last gift he needed before he lost his temper.
He stood in the middle of the mall, people walking into him as they rushed by, trying to figure out what would be the right gift for Cas. He found himself pushed along by the crowd of people, until he stopped in front of a store that sold electronics. Taking a chance, he walked in and looked around.
He walked over to a display of boxes housing back massagers. He picked up one of the boxes and read it, It massaged, it vibrated on different setting as well as having a heat setting. He liked the idea of this last gift. He tucked it under his arm and carried it to the counter, as he paid he realized he had to go back through the crowds to pick up Crowley’s gift and get back to the Impala. He groaned out loud at the thought and felt his shoulders slump.
He stood at the opening of the store and braced himself for what felt like the fight of his life. He walked back to the kiosk, forcing his way through people who stood in his way. Two girls who were texting on their phones while walking in front of him just stopped and he nearly knocked them down.
“Sorry, sorry, didn’t realize you were going to just stop like that.” He said in frustration as they looked at him in disgust.
When he got back to the kiosk, he pulled out his receipt and handed it to the same kid who had waited on him earlier. The kid hurriedly got the flask, showed it to him and bagged it up before shoving the bag into Dean’s hand.
Dean spun on his heel and began to walk back through the mall, hoping to get out of there as fast as possible. The crowds seemed to be moving against him, no matter what he did and he felt his irritation rising. He just wanted to get the hell out of this place. He didn’t care what it took to do that. He was actually ready to make a deal with Crowley himself, if that would help him in any way. When he finally saw the light of day and stepped outside, he breathed a sigh a relief. Now, he just had to make it to his car and out of the parking lot before he was tempted to run someone over.
He skirted around a few cars looking for parking spaces and weaved in and out of parked cars to get to his car. He opened the back door and tossed the bags in before getting in behind the wheel of the Impala. He sat back and closed his eyes taking a few deep breaths, listening to the honking of car horns. He was about to put the key into the ignition when someone pounded on his window. He rolled down the window a few inches to hear what the man was saying to him
“You gonna move any time soon? I’m waiting for your space.” The man yelled at him. Dean gripped the steering wheel, knuckles turning white trying to remain calm and feeling his grip on it slipping away as the man pounded again. “Move this piece of shit car.”
Dean turned to look at him as he pushed open his door, hands clenched into fists and drew himself to his full height. “I suggest you get back in your car.” Dean growled at the man and watched as the man backed away, getting into his own car. Dean got back in, started the Impala and backed out of his parking space.
As he made his way out of the mall parking lot he watched as the man pulled into the now empty space. Dean shook his head at everything that had taken place today as he turned on the radio, letting the sounds of Led Zeppelin sooth him. He looked over at the line of cars trying to get into the mall and vowed that next year he was just getting everyone gift cards at the local mini-mart.
end