Family Matters
Family Matters
Rate: Gen
Word count: 3050
Characters: Dean, Sam, John and Jim Murphy.
Warning: AU, Pre!Stanford, Permanent Injury
Summary: Prompt by anon on hoodie_time : Dean loses both of his legs and his arms. For whatever reason, he isn't a candidate for prostheses. Dean's care just became a full time job. Dean's depressed over the prospect. Sam's afraid it means he can't runaway to Stanford. Dean tells John to dump him in a home, but John reminds him that Winchesters don't turn their backs on family. Gen or Wincest (including Dean/Sam/John). Up to the author where it goes from there: Couple of possibilities include John taking care of the demon and caring for Dean or Sam giving up on Stanford. Bonus for Sam and John fighting, but ultimately working together on this one.
A/N: Don’t hate me for writing this. I won’t be writing anything like this again, not anytime soon anyway.
A/N2: Thanks to my awesome beta si_star_x Did I mention she is awesome? Because she really is!!
******
I’m sorry Mr. Murphy.
John walked down the hallway.
We did everything we could to save your son’s life.
He turned right at the nurses’ station.
This was our last resort.
He ignored the way the staff looked at him with pitiful eyes.
I really am sorry.
He keeps walking, face expressionless until he reaches his son’s room. Opening the door and showing off false excitement he asks, “Ready to blow this popsicle stand?”
Dean barely acknowledges him and Sam nods and comes to stand beside his brother to help him up. Dean pushes himself on his left elbow and lets Sam do the rest as he helps him sit up straight. Sam helps him into his shorts, which cover the remainder of his legs, effectively covering the stumps and the bandages. Just when Sam was straightening his shirt, John went to his son and helped him into the waiting wheelchair.
Fastening the belt on his son’s waist, John asked, “Okay?”
Dean barely nodded but that was all the response John was hoping for anyway. Dean hadn’t said much since he woke up after the surgery and found out his life was changed forever. To be honest, it wasn’t the surgery but the hunt that managed to do that. But no one acknowledged that, so John wouldn’t either.
John settled Dean in the backseat and was about to pull the seatbelt when Sam pushed past him and sat next to his brother. At 17, Sam was tall and gangly, but that didn’t stop him from seeking comfort from his big brother as he sat beside him. Taking the wheelchair that the hospital gave to them, he folded it and stuffed it into the back of the Impala. John almost choked on his tears when the realization that this is what the trunk will hold on from now on, hit him hard. Taking a minute to calm himself, he shut the trunk, locked it and went to the driver’s seat and started their journey to Pastor Jim Murphy’s home, where they’ll be staying until they could figure out where to go from here.
While driving, John looked in the rear view mirror to check up on Dean and noticed Sam lying in his brother’s lap. His head lay just before where Dean’s legs ended. Dean was looking outside while his left arm was over Sam, and his right one hung limp beside his body.
Quadruple Amputee.
That’s the term the doctors gave him. A fire broke out while the Winchesters were out hunting a poltergeist in an abandoned house. Some of the local kids had found the house interesting, they checked it out but never made it out alive once they were in. The cause of the fire was still unknown, according to the investigators. Dean was on the top floor when it happened. When he tried to run, the floor boards beneath his feet gave away and he fell two storeys and the debris had fallen over him. John tried to find him. God, did he try. But he couldn’t find him anywhere. John was already too weak from the smoke inhalation that he couldn’t fight the firefighters as they pulled him out and away from the fire. By the time the firefighters went in and got Dean out, it was already too late. The fall had broken Dean’s legs and crushed his right arm and the fire along with the debris on top on his him stopped the blood circulation from reaching the extremities.
That day John had to make the toughest decision of his life. To save his son’s life and let him live a life of a cripple or lose his son altogether. After Mary’s death, John was sure he wouldn’t be able to survive if something happened to his sons. So he made the choice. He made the choice to make his son a cripple. The doctors had to cut off both his legs just above the knee to stop the poison that was slowly spreading through Dean’s body. His left hand was severely burnt and had to be amputated as well, halfway down the lower arm. His right arm was the same story as his legs. They had to amputate it above the elbow.
Looking at Dean nowadays though, it had John wondering if he really did save his son. Dean was nothing like his Dean. Before the fire. Physically and emotionally scarred and hurt beyond repair, John wondered if it would’ve been better if Dean had died in the fire.
*****
Reaching Pastor Jim’s home, John slowly pulled the car to a halt so as not to aggravate Dean’s injuries further. It had been almost 6 weeks since the ‘accident’ but Dean’s stumps were still not completely healed. They had to be bandaged everyday in the hope of protection against an infection of any sort. John was unable to bear his son’s empty gaze settle on him as he changed the dressing in the hospital, with the nurse’s eyes on him to make sure he was doing alright. Sam, though, had done what John couldn’t do. He changed Dean’s bandages everyday and helped his brother with everything Dean was unable to do for himself anymore. It was heartbreaking, to say the least.
Getting the wheelchair ready, John opened the back door and saw Dean looking back at him. Unable to see the haunted look in Dean’s eyes, John turned his eyes away and landed them on his youngest. “Sam?”
Sam didn’t react. So Dean decided to wake his kid brother himself. “Sammy?” John blinked hard at how worn his older son’s voice sounded. He couldn’t stop the tear that fell down his eye when he noticed Dean stroking Sam’s hair with his stump, knowing for sure that if Dean’s hand was there his fingers would’ve been curling in his hair.
Dean’s voice plus the stroking seemed to wake Sam up as he looked at his brother. John saw Sam checking over Dean and making sure he was alright before quickly getting out of car and helping Dean out. Even though Sam didn’t have enough muscle to outdo his big brother, it didn’t stop Sam from taking on full responsibility of Dean’s care. Hooking his arm over Sam’s neck, Dean let Sam move his battered body into the wheelchair.
John didn’t know what was worse. To see youngest caring for his oldest so cautiously or watching his oldest as his lowered gaze reflected nothing but despair.
Sam pushed Dean’s chair while John carried their baggage, following them close behind. When they got inside the house, they noticed the living room decorated in the honor of Dean’s return.
“Welcome home!” Jim yelled as he saw Dean. Looking around, Dean gave a small smile and thanked him. He then asked Sam to take him to their room, unable to bear the pity and sympathy in their father and friend’s eyes anymore.
Helping Dean into bed, Sam watched as Dean turned onto his side, his back to Sam and closed his eyes, “It’ll get better, Dean. You’ll see,” he whispered before pulling the blankets over Dean’s prone form and exiting the room.
*****
“I don’t know how to do this Jim,” John admitted that night after making sure both his boys were asleep before finally letting himself break in front of his mentor and good friend.
“This will be hard, John, I won’t lie but you need to be strong from them, especially for Dean.” Jim stated.
“I know... I just... The other day the doctors told me Dean isn’t a suitable candidate for prosthetics because of some nerve damage or something,” John said helplessly, “Why him, Jim? Why my boy?”
“I don’t know,” Jim confessed, “But what I do know is, we’re gonna get through this. We’re gonna help Dean get through this.” he said firmly, and John almost believed him, almost.
*****
Three months later
Even though Dean was still having trouble getting by each day, he was still a lot better than he has been ever since the fire. He was finally able to get around on his own, with the help of the electronic wheelchair that Jim got for him that he could control with a joystick which was within reach of the remainder of his left arm.
And since Dean had flat out refused to go to the rehab centre, John, Sam and Jim had all been finding ways to help Dean adjust to his new life. From controlling his own chair, to eating on his own, to transferring himself in and out of bed, Dean had conquered almost every obstacle in his way and the Winchesters and Pastor Murphy couldn’t have been more proud.
One night, when Pastor Jim was away on some ‘business trip’ and after making sure Dean sleeping in his bed, the inevitable happened, “Are you seriously kidding me?!” Sam asked shocked his father would even think that.
“Sam...” John tried but apparently Sam wasn’t done.
“No, dad, seriously! Dean is disabled because of your fucking rampage about killing the thing that killed mom. You almost killed him and now you want to take off on your son to hunt that thing down? What the fuck is wrong with you?! Who does that to their own child?” Sam shouted.
“Don’t take that tone with me Sam Winchester. I’m doing what’s best for this family...”
“Yeah, shows. Dad, if you ever even tried to be a father rather than a drill sergeant, Dean would’ve been healthy and able-bodied today! He got stuck in this life because of you! He almost died because of you! You’re the reason Dean is fucking helpless and dependent on us for every single thing!”
They didn’t know who was more surprised at the smack that followed Sam’s shouting. John looked at his son, shocked as he realized what he’d just done. Sam cradled his cheek that was stinging after the thunderous slap. Recovering first, Sam said quietly, “If you ever understood what being a father really meant, you’d have understood that mom never would’ve wanted this for us. You’re avenging her death by sacrificing your son’s life. I just wish you were successful with that the first time because if you leave Dean now, he will die. Just remember that.”
Sam turned around to leave but stopped when he saw Dean sitting there in his chair, watching them. The look Dean wore broke Sam’s heart into million pieces that even dad’s slap didn’t manage achieve. “Dean,” Sam said softly and watched as a single tear fell down his brother’s cheek. Dean turned his chair and started to leave the room. “Dean, wait...” Sam tried again.
“Just... Leave me alone.” Dean said dejected, the pain and misery present in his voice stopping Sam dead in his tracks. He watched his brother leave and then turned back to his father, watching as he wore the same face as Dean had, and watched as his father dropped onto the floor into a graceless heap. “Dad!” Sam called and closed the distance between them but didn’t quite stop his father’s fall.
“I messed up, Sammy,” his father cried, “I messed it all up... I just wanted you both to be safe,” he whispered, “After Mary, I... all I have is you boys... I didn’t want to lose you... I thought I was doing the right thing...”
“I know, dad, I know, it's okay...” Sam soothed his father, regretting each and every word he had spat out at him in anger. Somehow, trying to make his father see what he saw, he managed to hurt the two people he loved the most.
“We have to go talk to Dean,” his father said softly after a few minutes it took to calm himself down.
“Not yet, we need to give him some space.” Sam told him.
*****
An hour was the longest both of the Winchesters could wait before they left the house to find Dean. It didn’t take long to find where he was. Dean never went out in public since the ‘accident’. Not even at night. The farthest he went was to the lake just behind the house. And that’s where he was tonight as well. Making enough noise so as not to startle him, John and Sam walked to Dean and stood on each side as they waited for Dean to acknowledge them. When it was clear when Dean wasn’t going to talk, John started, “Dean...”
“I need you to do something for me” Dean said in a dead voice.
“What is it, son?” John asked, afraid of Dean’s answer.
“There’s a centre... few miles from here... for people like me. I want you to drop me off there.” Dean spoke with the same tone.
“Dean, we can get past this...” Sam started but Dean cut him off.
“No we can’t. This isn’t what you want. This isn’t what Dad wants. Hell, this isn’t even what I want.” Dean’s hollow laugh followed which sent chills through both the standing Winchesters, “I don’t want to do this anymore. I want you to drop me off at the disability centre tomorrow.”
“No Dean, you can’t do that.”
“Like hell I can’t,” Dean said with anger in his voice at he looked at John. At least anger was better than emotionless. “I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want.”
“Dean, we don’t just abandon family...” Sam tried.
“Family, really?” Dean asked sceptically. “We haven’t been a family in a long time, Sam. Not since mom died.”
“You don’t really believe that...” John said, shocked at his eldest son’s words.
“No?” Dean asked, “When was the last time you acted like a father to me?” he asked his father, voice impassive, “When was the last time you did anything I liked? When was the last time you patted my back and said ‘I’m proud of you, son’?” John looked away unable to bear the truth in his son’s accusations.
“And you...” Dean turned to Sam, whose head was bowed down, “When was the last time you appreciated us as a family? Was it before you started to fight dad every step of the way about not wanting to be in the family business, or was it when you filled out the application to Stanford?” That made Sam look at him brother, just as John looked at his youngest, shocked.
“How did...”
“Doesn’t matter how I found out. What matters is that you were gonna up and leave this family without a second thought if I hadn’t gotten hurt. You stayed because you felt guilty. Not because you thought about your family. And that’s the truth!” Dean said as he wiped his tears away with his stump, “I gave up everything for this family. My dreams, my life, myself! But what did I get in return. This?” he asked pointing his stumps upwards.
Dad kneeled down in front of his son, wiping the tears tracks away, “I know we made mistakes, unforgiveable mistakes. And it wouldn’t be fair to you to ask for your forgiveness. But I will ask you to give us one chance, Dean, please. Give a chance to become a family again.”
Dean shook his head as his lips quivered, “We can never be a family if we live together,” he declared. “I’m a burden to you guys and I...”
“No, Dean,” Sam cut him off, “You will never be a burden to us.” Sam spoke firmly.
“But what about Stanford?” Dean asked.
“My family is more important to me than some university.” Sam said smiling.
Dean shook his head, “No Sammy, that’s your dream,” he argued. Dean’s concern about Sam’s decision led both, Sam and John to realize what Dean had said few minutes ago, was just an act to push them away so that they would actually leave him. John felt like his heart was ripped out of chest when he realized that Dean spoke the truth in the hope of hurting his family bad enough to actually leave him.
Sam sighed, “Dean...”
“Sam will go to Stanford.” John said surprising them both. He would’ve laughed at his son’s identical baffled expressions if the conversation hadn’t been that serious. Nodding, John continued, “Sam will go to Stanford and we’ll move there with him.”
“What about the hunt? Finding the thing that killed mom?” Dean asked perplexed.
“I’ve already lost so much trying to take vengeance for your mom’s death, I’m not willing to sacrifice anymore.” John stated determinedly.
“But dad...”
“No buts, Dean. I’ve made my decision and nothing will change it. Understood?”
“Yes sir.” Dean answered meekly and John couldn’t help himself and ruffle his oldest son’s hair.
“About what you said earlier...” he started.
“I know, I’m sorry... I never should’ve said any of those things... it wasn’t true...”
“Yes, it was,” John said sitting on the grass beside his son’s wheelchair. “You were right, and now I’m going to try to make it all better. I know, it’s too little, too late, but...”
“It’s never too late, Dad.” Dean said simply and John wondered for the millionth time what he had done to deserve such a wonderful kid. Both of his kids. He knows if it wasn’t for Sam, none of them would’ve been able to come this far.
John looked up to meet Dean’s eyes and was pleasantly surprised to see the same fire, the same passion he was so used to seeing in his eldest’s eyes.
“I’m so proud of you, Dean.” he said reaching out to caress his son’s cheek and moving his hand to cup his neck. He looked over to Sam to see a smile on his face and tears trailing down his cheeks, “I’m proud of both my boys.”
Getting to his knees, Sam yelled, “Group hug!”
Dean laughed, and John had never been happier to hear that familiar laugh that reminded him what life was worth living for.
He hugged both his sons tightly, “Good boys,” he said kissing the top of their heads, “Good boys.”
They all knew the life they were going to face would be tough, full of pain, frustration and tears, but they all knew one thing was for sure. Other things may change them, but the Winchesters start and end with family.
~fin
Rate: Gen
Word count: 3050
Characters: Dean, Sam, John and Jim Murphy.
Warning: AU, Pre!Stanford, Permanent Injury
Summary: Prompt by anon on hoodie_time : Dean loses both of his legs and his arms. For whatever reason, he isn't a candidate for prostheses. Dean's care just became a full time job. Dean's depressed over the prospect. Sam's afraid it means he can't runaway to Stanford. Dean tells John to dump him in a home, but John reminds him that Winchesters don't turn their backs on family. Gen or Wincest (including Dean/Sam/John). Up to the author where it goes from there: Couple of possibilities include John taking care of the demon and caring for Dean or Sam giving up on Stanford. Bonus for Sam and John fighting, but ultimately working together on this one.
A/N: Don’t hate me for writing this. I won’t be writing anything like this again, not anytime soon anyway.
A/N2: Thanks to my awesome beta si_star_x Did I mention she is awesome? Because she really is!!
******
I’m sorry Mr. Murphy.
John walked down the hallway.
We did everything we could to save your son’s life.
He turned right at the nurses’ station.
This was our last resort.
He ignored the way the staff looked at him with pitiful eyes.
I really am sorry.
He keeps walking, face expressionless until he reaches his son’s room. Opening the door and showing off false excitement he asks, “Ready to blow this popsicle stand?”
Dean barely acknowledges him and Sam nods and comes to stand beside his brother to help him up. Dean pushes himself on his left elbow and lets Sam do the rest as he helps him sit up straight. Sam helps him into his shorts, which cover the remainder of his legs, effectively covering the stumps and the bandages. Just when Sam was straightening his shirt, John went to his son and helped him into the waiting wheelchair.
Fastening the belt on his son’s waist, John asked, “Okay?”
Dean barely nodded but that was all the response John was hoping for anyway. Dean hadn’t said much since he woke up after the surgery and found out his life was changed forever. To be honest, it wasn’t the surgery but the hunt that managed to do that. But no one acknowledged that, so John wouldn’t either.
John settled Dean in the backseat and was about to pull the seatbelt when Sam pushed past him and sat next to his brother. At 17, Sam was tall and gangly, but that didn’t stop him from seeking comfort from his big brother as he sat beside him. Taking the wheelchair that the hospital gave to them, he folded it and stuffed it into the back of the Impala. John almost choked on his tears when the realization that this is what the trunk will hold on from now on, hit him hard. Taking a minute to calm himself, he shut the trunk, locked it and went to the driver’s seat and started their journey to Pastor Jim Murphy’s home, where they’ll be staying until they could figure out where to go from here.
While driving, John looked in the rear view mirror to check up on Dean and noticed Sam lying in his brother’s lap. His head lay just before where Dean’s legs ended. Dean was looking outside while his left arm was over Sam, and his right one hung limp beside his body.
Quadruple Amputee.
That’s the term the doctors gave him. A fire broke out while the Winchesters were out hunting a poltergeist in an abandoned house. Some of the local kids had found the house interesting, they checked it out but never made it out alive once they were in. The cause of the fire was still unknown, according to the investigators. Dean was on the top floor when it happened. When he tried to run, the floor boards beneath his feet gave away and he fell two storeys and the debris had fallen over him. John tried to find him. God, did he try. But he couldn’t find him anywhere. John was already too weak from the smoke inhalation that he couldn’t fight the firefighters as they pulled him out and away from the fire. By the time the firefighters went in and got Dean out, it was already too late. The fall had broken Dean’s legs and crushed his right arm and the fire along with the debris on top on his him stopped the blood circulation from reaching the extremities.
That day John had to make the toughest decision of his life. To save his son’s life and let him live a life of a cripple or lose his son altogether. After Mary’s death, John was sure he wouldn’t be able to survive if something happened to his sons. So he made the choice. He made the choice to make his son a cripple. The doctors had to cut off both his legs just above the knee to stop the poison that was slowly spreading through Dean’s body. His left hand was severely burnt and had to be amputated as well, halfway down the lower arm. His right arm was the same story as his legs. They had to amputate it above the elbow.
Looking at Dean nowadays though, it had John wondering if he really did save his son. Dean was nothing like his Dean. Before the fire. Physically and emotionally scarred and hurt beyond repair, John wondered if it would’ve been better if Dean had died in the fire.
*****
Reaching Pastor Jim’s home, John slowly pulled the car to a halt so as not to aggravate Dean’s injuries further. It had been almost 6 weeks since the ‘accident’ but Dean’s stumps were still not completely healed. They had to be bandaged everyday in the hope of protection against an infection of any sort. John was unable to bear his son’s empty gaze settle on him as he changed the dressing in the hospital, with the nurse’s eyes on him to make sure he was doing alright. Sam, though, had done what John couldn’t do. He changed Dean’s bandages everyday and helped his brother with everything Dean was unable to do for himself anymore. It was heartbreaking, to say the least.
Getting the wheelchair ready, John opened the back door and saw Dean looking back at him. Unable to see the haunted look in Dean’s eyes, John turned his eyes away and landed them on his youngest. “Sam?”
Sam didn’t react. So Dean decided to wake his kid brother himself. “Sammy?” John blinked hard at how worn his older son’s voice sounded. He couldn’t stop the tear that fell down his eye when he noticed Dean stroking Sam’s hair with his stump, knowing for sure that if Dean’s hand was there his fingers would’ve been curling in his hair.
Dean’s voice plus the stroking seemed to wake Sam up as he looked at his brother. John saw Sam checking over Dean and making sure he was alright before quickly getting out of car and helping Dean out. Even though Sam didn’t have enough muscle to outdo his big brother, it didn’t stop Sam from taking on full responsibility of Dean’s care. Hooking his arm over Sam’s neck, Dean let Sam move his battered body into the wheelchair.
John didn’t know what was worse. To see youngest caring for his oldest so cautiously or watching his oldest as his lowered gaze reflected nothing but despair.
Sam pushed Dean’s chair while John carried their baggage, following them close behind. When they got inside the house, they noticed the living room decorated in the honor of Dean’s return.
“Welcome home!” Jim yelled as he saw Dean. Looking around, Dean gave a small smile and thanked him. He then asked Sam to take him to their room, unable to bear the pity and sympathy in their father and friend’s eyes anymore.
Helping Dean into bed, Sam watched as Dean turned onto his side, his back to Sam and closed his eyes, “It’ll get better, Dean. You’ll see,” he whispered before pulling the blankets over Dean’s prone form and exiting the room.
*****
“I don’t know how to do this Jim,” John admitted that night after making sure both his boys were asleep before finally letting himself break in front of his mentor and good friend.
“This will be hard, John, I won’t lie but you need to be strong from them, especially for Dean.” Jim stated.
“I know... I just... The other day the doctors told me Dean isn’t a suitable candidate for prosthetics because of some nerve damage or something,” John said helplessly, “Why him, Jim? Why my boy?”
“I don’t know,” Jim confessed, “But what I do know is, we’re gonna get through this. We’re gonna help Dean get through this.” he said firmly, and John almost believed him, almost.
*****
Three months later
Even though Dean was still having trouble getting by each day, he was still a lot better than he has been ever since the fire. He was finally able to get around on his own, with the help of the electronic wheelchair that Jim got for him that he could control with a joystick which was within reach of the remainder of his left arm.
And since Dean had flat out refused to go to the rehab centre, John, Sam and Jim had all been finding ways to help Dean adjust to his new life. From controlling his own chair, to eating on his own, to transferring himself in and out of bed, Dean had conquered almost every obstacle in his way and the Winchesters and Pastor Murphy couldn’t have been more proud.
One night, when Pastor Jim was away on some ‘business trip’ and after making sure Dean sleeping in his bed, the inevitable happened, “Are you seriously kidding me?!” Sam asked shocked his father would even think that.
“Sam...” John tried but apparently Sam wasn’t done.
“No, dad, seriously! Dean is disabled because of your fucking rampage about killing the thing that killed mom. You almost killed him and now you want to take off on your son to hunt that thing down? What the fuck is wrong with you?! Who does that to their own child?” Sam shouted.
“Don’t take that tone with me Sam Winchester. I’m doing what’s best for this family...”
“Yeah, shows. Dad, if you ever even tried to be a father rather than a drill sergeant, Dean would’ve been healthy and able-bodied today! He got stuck in this life because of you! He almost died because of you! You’re the reason Dean is fucking helpless and dependent on us for every single thing!”
They didn’t know who was more surprised at the smack that followed Sam’s shouting. John looked at his son, shocked as he realized what he’d just done. Sam cradled his cheek that was stinging after the thunderous slap. Recovering first, Sam said quietly, “If you ever understood what being a father really meant, you’d have understood that mom never would’ve wanted this for us. You’re avenging her death by sacrificing your son’s life. I just wish you were successful with that the first time because if you leave Dean now, he will die. Just remember that.”
Sam turned around to leave but stopped when he saw Dean sitting there in his chair, watching them. The look Dean wore broke Sam’s heart into million pieces that even dad’s slap didn’t manage achieve. “Dean,” Sam said softly and watched as a single tear fell down his brother’s cheek. Dean turned his chair and started to leave the room. “Dean, wait...” Sam tried again.
“Just... Leave me alone.” Dean said dejected, the pain and misery present in his voice stopping Sam dead in his tracks. He watched his brother leave and then turned back to his father, watching as he wore the same face as Dean had, and watched as his father dropped onto the floor into a graceless heap. “Dad!” Sam called and closed the distance between them but didn’t quite stop his father’s fall.
“I messed up, Sammy,” his father cried, “I messed it all up... I just wanted you both to be safe,” he whispered, “After Mary, I... all I have is you boys... I didn’t want to lose you... I thought I was doing the right thing...”
“I know, dad, I know, it's okay...” Sam soothed his father, regretting each and every word he had spat out at him in anger. Somehow, trying to make his father see what he saw, he managed to hurt the two people he loved the most.
“We have to go talk to Dean,” his father said softly after a few minutes it took to calm himself down.
“Not yet, we need to give him some space.” Sam told him.
*****
An hour was the longest both of the Winchesters could wait before they left the house to find Dean. It didn’t take long to find where he was. Dean never went out in public since the ‘accident’. Not even at night. The farthest he went was to the lake just behind the house. And that’s where he was tonight as well. Making enough noise so as not to startle him, John and Sam walked to Dean and stood on each side as they waited for Dean to acknowledge them. When it was clear when Dean wasn’t going to talk, John started, “Dean...”
“I need you to do something for me” Dean said in a dead voice.
“What is it, son?” John asked, afraid of Dean’s answer.
“There’s a centre... few miles from here... for people like me. I want you to drop me off there.” Dean spoke with the same tone.
“Dean, we can get past this...” Sam started but Dean cut him off.
“No we can’t. This isn’t what you want. This isn’t what Dad wants. Hell, this isn’t even what I want.” Dean’s hollow laugh followed which sent chills through both the standing Winchesters, “I don’t want to do this anymore. I want you to drop me off at the disability centre tomorrow.”
“No Dean, you can’t do that.”
“Like hell I can’t,” Dean said with anger in his voice at he looked at John. At least anger was better than emotionless. “I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want.”
“Dean, we don’t just abandon family...” Sam tried.
“Family, really?” Dean asked sceptically. “We haven’t been a family in a long time, Sam. Not since mom died.”
“You don’t really believe that...” John said, shocked at his eldest son’s words.
“No?” Dean asked, “When was the last time you acted like a father to me?” he asked his father, voice impassive, “When was the last time you did anything I liked? When was the last time you patted my back and said ‘I’m proud of you, son’?” John looked away unable to bear the truth in his son’s accusations.
“And you...” Dean turned to Sam, whose head was bowed down, “When was the last time you appreciated us as a family? Was it before you started to fight dad every step of the way about not wanting to be in the family business, or was it when you filled out the application to Stanford?” That made Sam look at him brother, just as John looked at his youngest, shocked.
“How did...”
“Doesn’t matter how I found out. What matters is that you were gonna up and leave this family without a second thought if I hadn’t gotten hurt. You stayed because you felt guilty. Not because you thought about your family. And that’s the truth!” Dean said as he wiped his tears away with his stump, “I gave up everything for this family. My dreams, my life, myself! But what did I get in return. This?” he asked pointing his stumps upwards.
Dad kneeled down in front of his son, wiping the tears tracks away, “I know we made mistakes, unforgiveable mistakes. And it wouldn’t be fair to you to ask for your forgiveness. But I will ask you to give us one chance, Dean, please. Give a chance to become a family again.”
Dean shook his head as his lips quivered, “We can never be a family if we live together,” he declared. “I’m a burden to you guys and I...”
“No, Dean,” Sam cut him off, “You will never be a burden to us.” Sam spoke firmly.
“But what about Stanford?” Dean asked.
“My family is more important to me than some university.” Sam said smiling.
Dean shook his head, “No Sammy, that’s your dream,” he argued. Dean’s concern about Sam’s decision led both, Sam and John to realize what Dean had said few minutes ago, was just an act to push them away so that they would actually leave him. John felt like his heart was ripped out of chest when he realized that Dean spoke the truth in the hope of hurting his family bad enough to actually leave him.
Sam sighed, “Dean...”
“Sam will go to Stanford.” John said surprising them both. He would’ve laughed at his son’s identical baffled expressions if the conversation hadn’t been that serious. Nodding, John continued, “Sam will go to Stanford and we’ll move there with him.”
“What about the hunt? Finding the thing that killed mom?” Dean asked perplexed.
“I’ve already lost so much trying to take vengeance for your mom’s death, I’m not willing to sacrifice anymore.” John stated determinedly.
“But dad...”
“No buts, Dean. I’ve made my decision and nothing will change it. Understood?”
“Yes sir.” Dean answered meekly and John couldn’t help himself and ruffle his oldest son’s hair.
“About what you said earlier...” he started.
“I know, I’m sorry... I never should’ve said any of those things... it wasn’t true...”
“Yes, it was,” John said sitting on the grass beside his son’s wheelchair. “You were right, and now I’m going to try to make it all better. I know, it’s too little, too late, but...”
“It’s never too late, Dad.” Dean said simply and John wondered for the millionth time what he had done to deserve such a wonderful kid. Both of his kids. He knows if it wasn’t for Sam, none of them would’ve been able to come this far.
John looked up to meet Dean’s eyes and was pleasantly surprised to see the same fire, the same passion he was so used to seeing in his eldest’s eyes.
“I’m so proud of you, Dean.” he said reaching out to caress his son’s cheek and moving his hand to cup his neck. He looked over to Sam to see a smile on his face and tears trailing down his cheeks, “I’m proud of both my boys.”
Getting to his knees, Sam yelled, “Group hug!”
Dean laughed, and John had never been happier to hear that familiar laugh that reminded him what life was worth living for.
He hugged both his sons tightly, “Good boys,” he said kissing the top of their heads, “Good boys.”
They all knew the life they were going to face would be tough, full of pain, frustration and tears, but they all knew one thing was for sure. Other things may change them, but the Winchesters start and end with family.
~fin