.a life lived once.
i cried last night over you.
havent done that ina long time.
i dont know what it is that attracts people to you.
but i hate it.
i hate the fact that i miss you so much but yet you screwed me over for that among other things over and over.
but i still miss you.
i hate the fact that i feel like everything i ever told you in secret is now a fuckin billboard.
i trusted you now i feel stupid and ashamed.
but i still miss you.
i hate the fact that you were my best friend since 4th grade yet you string my along thinking no matter what ill always be there and we'll end up friends in the long run.
but i still miss you.
i hate the fact that im stuck here reminissing about the past yet youve clearly gotten over it.
but i still miss you.
i especially hate the fact that i tried so hard and spent so many nights crying and wondering where i went wrong as a friend yet you did nothing. a call every now and then, a conversation in health the couple times you were there, the few times you asked if i wanted to go out to baskin robins or country boy. it didnt cut it.
but i still miss you.
you were my best friend.
it sucks.
i want to just pick up the phone and call but is it worth it.
b/c itll all start all over again.
i know it.
thats whats stopping me.
plus until you know how it feels to be let down time and time again for that or for you "new" life, i cant let myself just forgive you.
two times is two too many.
but i still miss you.
*********************
so i did it.
i picked up the phone and called.
interview at 3 pm. thurs.
notebook, pen, id, and $20.00 interview fee.
im excited and scared shitless.
this would be insane.
i hope it goes well.
shopping w/ mom tomorrow for senior pictures.
thats exciting.
well im waiting for tj max to call so im out.
<3 me.
ps. i love you hunnie.
last night was crazy.
i have a strange urge to do it again tonight?!
havent done that ina long time.
i dont know what it is that attracts people to you.
but i hate it.
i hate the fact that i miss you so much but yet you screwed me over for that among other things over and over.
but i still miss you.
i hate the fact that i feel like everything i ever told you in secret is now a fuckin billboard.
i trusted you now i feel stupid and ashamed.
but i still miss you.
i hate the fact that you were my best friend since 4th grade yet you string my along thinking no matter what ill always be there and we'll end up friends in the long run.
but i still miss you.
i hate the fact that im stuck here reminissing about the past yet youve clearly gotten over it.
but i still miss you.
i especially hate the fact that i tried so hard and spent so many nights crying and wondering where i went wrong as a friend yet you did nothing. a call every now and then, a conversation in health the couple times you were there, the few times you asked if i wanted to go out to baskin robins or country boy. it didnt cut it.
but i still miss you.
you were my best friend.
it sucks.
i want to just pick up the phone and call but is it worth it.
b/c itll all start all over again.
i know it.
thats whats stopping me.
plus until you know how it feels to be let down time and time again for that or for you "new" life, i cant let myself just forgive you.
two times is two too many.
but i still miss you.
*********************
so i did it.
i picked up the phone and called.
interview at 3 pm. thurs.
notebook, pen, id, and $20.00 interview fee.
im excited and scared shitless.
this would be insane.
i hope it goes well.
shopping w/ mom tomorrow for senior pictures.
thats exciting.
well im waiting for tj max to call so im out.
<3 me.
ps. i love you hunnie.
last night was crazy.
i have a strange urge to do it again tonight?!