On Barm's Annual Age Increase

[splodgenoj]

I.

He has a son who
Once vomited in Fuji.
I didn't like that.

II.

His dad's confused for
Popular Python John Cleese.
You never realised?

III.

His daughter can stand
And utter some words as well.
Humans: bloody hell!

IV.

His friend called Jonjo
Is out of Haiku ideas.
So happy birthday.

Comments

[thespokenwerd]

Thanks Jonj, and thanks also for refraining from discussing my death in any way!

You may know this, as your dad's a big fan of the Spanish. What is there to do in Barcelona, apart from seeing Gaudi's cathedral?

[splodgenoj]

Who's going? I'm not sure if my dad has been to Barcelona. Luckily, though, I have been several times, and can therefore offer the following advice

[thespokenwerd]

Thank you Jonj! Jo and I may be going next month, depending on whether there's any money left in my bonus after MOTing, servicing and insuring the car. I especially like the idea of admiring African prostitutes. I asked mostly for Jo's benefit, because she's the one who wants to go but doesn't really know what to do there.

[peeeeeeet]

THE TRIALS OF LARA CROFT

WRITTEN BY A MAN WHO HAS NOT PLAYED THE LATEST GAME YET

Hello, the Barm! My name is Lara Croft!
You know, that chick who often raids in tombs
And has a small non-zero set of wombs.

Your birthday? Yes, I heard about that date.
But I was just too busy killing men,
Endangered creatures, plus a friendly hen.

My life was pretty bad, despite my skills,
Like finding switches, keys, and violent guys,
But more importantly a bra my size.

At last I 'scaped from peril, made it home,
My giant mansion waiting. It's not shitty,
But I can't enter, cos it's in Sim City!

[thespokenwerd]

And thank you Peet too! The new Tomb Raider game is intensely disappointing so far. There have been no puzzles and lots of shooting. Lara has died many many times, because I'm not good at shooting. I even switched the shooty difficulty to "easy" last night and still died repeatedly. Also her boobs are disappointingly proportional. Also the game is absolutely stunning. I don't understand why her house is in Sim City.

[peeeeeeet]

I am alluding there to the controversy surrounding the latest Sim City game which has always-online DRM and not enough active servers hence many people are moaning about not being able to play it. Tomb Raider sounds to me like this franchise's equivalent of Resident Evil 4, a critical success with massive cross-over appeal that had to sacrifice all the stuff I like to get there.

[splodgenoj]

Just wait for the next update of "Roller-skating Aliens". That will be totes amazeballs.