lakehouse woohoo!!

[splitstalker]

Man what an awesome day! I got to go over to this lake house with a few of my buddies and just be out there and ride on the boat and watch some of the others windsurf and ride tubes and jump off 50 foot rocks and all that good stuff... ofcourse at first I was terrified of being on the boat especially when it started moving since I can't swim or anything.... but over time I got used to it and decided its really not worth being terrified over and then made myself relax and enjoy all of it... and so I did.... and it was very good and relaxing and awesome.... I think this might have been the first time in forever that I just sat there and enjoyed everything around me (not nearly to the level that I used to take in my surroundings but still it was some progress) as the boat kept going I just enjoyed the awesome strong winds and stared up at the sky and all the trees thinking about how awesome it would be to fly and twist around and go in circles and not worry about falling in water or anything stupid like that..... just the freedom, joy and peace..... I really have not been able to have peace in years and years.... nor my "senses of reality" but that's ridiculously hard to explain.... and in thinking and talking about all this..... could it be that being involved with God has taken away my joy and peace from everything?? shouldn't it be the opposite?? why am I only sane and able to enjoy myself when I have to make myself stop thinking about God and the possible damnation and punishment he wants to give me?? why can't he just stop all this insanity and save me??? I would really like to be saved but I'm waiting for who knows what.... and I just wanted to give a shout out to a really old friend of mine and say I really really despise you for all this confusion and forcing and manipulation... especially these days.... even though I feel no hate towards you at all I just wanted to throw that out there..... so hope you all have a good day and good forevers after you die :)

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On a different note.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROMAN!!!!!!! ♥:D♥:D♥:D

Roman Marisak is the lead singer of Professional Murder Music :D