007 ☀ action/voice;

[sablemeister]

[ Crona stands motionless in front of the Rainbow Fountain, staring down at a coin-- that's right, a real coin, this little speck of at least some shade of home, previously acquired from Claire and currently laid in the center of his palm. there's been a lot on his mind lately. a lot about things that have happened during his stay at Splendor, and

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action;

[valhallicity]

[ maybe not for Crona but he wasn't as easily satisfied nor was he as easily shaken. this whole affair was slowly dwindling as far as he was concerned. sooner or later, he wouldn't have any part in it. maybe he didn't want to anymore. then again, he couldn't say which was better-- being here and waiting for this to end or going back home. Crona didn't want whatever was waiting for him back home either but he couldn't imagine it was anything like what was waiting for him, good or bad.

it might come across as mocking to hear that from just about anybody but for some reason, it was different when Crona said it-- ah, not for some reason but a very specific one: Crona had no reason at all to say something like that or to put a concern forth towards it. ]

What do you mean? I'm pretty happy now.

[ though even he knows that's a lie this time. maybe that's what's making everything drag. ]

You could be, too. If you tried hard enough. But you let a lot of worries and little things get in your way. You let people like me influence you and you trip and fall and won't help yourself back up again.

action;

[sablemeister]

[ maybe not. but maybe so-- because, even if he denied it as fiercely as he'd originally defended Juuta's honor, Crona has willingly instigated more terrible things than he'd like to admit. and that's what's waiting for him, whether he could try to escape it or not: instigation and likely...the punishment for that.

as the conversation continues, he can't help but feel a burn in his stomach. Crona's resolved to believe in himself and his decisions, his wishes, however...even if Izaya can get hold over him again (and easily).

straightening up again, he stares directly at Izaya. ]

You don't act very happy.

[ --unless he's wrong. he could be, of course, but... ]

--and you're right. But aren't you caught up b-by the same stuff? I-I mean, it may not concern you that much now, but you didn't seem very happy about me and Mr Juuta. Was that unhappiness, until you did what you did? A-and...don't y-you miss anyone from home?

action;

[valhallicity]

[ perhaps the whole thing was a string of maybes and maybe nots. Izaya didn't come talk to him with any particular intent today and that alone was different. he felt like maybe he was losing it-- his touch, or his understanding, so to speak. he had been caught off guard many more times than he would have liked and even here, with a kid like Crona, he didn't expect him to say that.

shaking his head, he considered it, thought maybe he wouldn't answer those questions at all. ]

That depends on how you categorize "unhappiness." If jealousy is a form of it, then I guess you could say that. But it's not over now, even after I've done what I did. And even still, being bothered by something and being controlled by it are two different things.

[ he's not looking at Crona as he says this. it's not like he feels particularly shameful in admitting it to him-- couldn't he see that much himself? it should have been obvious. but it's kind of like admitting a stalemate and he doesn't like that very much. ]

I don't miss anyone.

[ really, he's tempted to think that there's no use in missing people who won't miss you in return. but it's more that there's no one that exists there that isn't replaceable to him. ]

I don't miss any one person in particular. I miss the city. But I can do without it.

action;

[sablemeister]

[ this meeting is indeed...strange. it seems almost unreal for them to be having this conversation, even if it is by no means the most civil of one. something seems different. maybe it's the lack of terrified atmosphere (as Crona's trying very hard to stay calm), or that they're in an open space, rather than a room where Izaya could corner him in, if he wanted to. but...it seems like more than that, at least to Crona. ]

If that's the only way h-happiness can be categorized, I guess we're both very unhappy.

[ meaning? he's still jealous. but he'll never say that, exactly. can't. ]

I don't miss--

[ he stops suddenly, remembering in a rush just who he's talking to. why is he even trying to open up? Izaya didn't deserve it, right? thinking he's a right bit witty (or maybe just trying to change the subject before the informant can latch onto whatever the meister had been about to say), Crona approaches this subject carefully. ]

What about..."Shizu-chan"...? Don't you miss them?

action;

[valhallicity]

[ it is more than that, even if Izaya didn't want to admit as much. something is obviously weakened, for him to even want to bother speaking with Crona this way. all this time, even dealing with Claire, he had thought ah, in the end, nothing's changed because at the end of the day, I'll still be fighting with Shizu-chan and smiling with Juuta-kun. but it wasn't like that anymore. and there was only so much a person could do to convince themselves that a situation they had planned to go one way had completely gone off the original track.

so, yeah-- maybe they were both very unhappy. did that mean they had reached some kind of kinship? hardly. it just meant that he didn't hold anything against Crona at the moment. it could very easily change, of course. but now, it was kind of draining to imagine how Juuta must be getting on with his best friend.

usually, he'd be pretty angry with someone asking about "Shizu-chan," and especially in such a manner but considering the circumstances? ]

Yeah, I guess I do. But don't get me wrong- I only miss that barbarian because when he's not around I don't have a go-to plaything. He's so easy to bait. Whenever I get bored, if he's around, there's sure to be something I can do to entertain myself. Not that I can't find another way to... but if the resources are readily available and easy to get, I'll use them.

[ there was so much justification in that, trying to defend it to someone who didn't even know Shizuo into making it impersonal. it really was like he said, though-- what a day, when he'd miss the person he hated more than anyone in the whole world. maybe he didn't even miss him exactly but he missed the game they played and he missed the chance to be that earth-shattering to anyone's existence. ]

action; 1/?

[sablemeister]

[ in the same way, something has...changed in Crona. sometimes that change makes him feel better about what he's been doing, how he's been trying to be a better friend...but other times? it terrifies him. his impulses just seem to keep coming, he just seems to keep messing up, even after he tells himself, promises others to be different. to be a better person.

it twists in his stomach and-- maybe that's why it's so easy, now, to talk to Izaya like this. after trying to kill him, and after he's been terrified and threatened and verbally abused by the informant.

...so maybe he's just setting himself up to be ripped down, again. ]

[sablemeister]

[

wait. ]

[sablemeister]

[ --h....................

................

......................"he"? ]

[sablemeister]

[

.....

.....

p-p-p-p-plaything...?! ]

[sablemeister]

[ ....oh.

um. well. that isn't very surprising-- b-because, well, the way Izaya's been acting towards Juuta, and everything... n-not that there's anything wrong with it, but-

--but doesn't that mean Juuta is just a replacement? ]

I--I see. How c-cruel you are.

done, i'm so sorry.

[sablemeister]

[ shaking the train of thought from mind enough to answer (though the minute widening of his eyes remains), Crona glances away, blushing slightly. his voice gains surety, hands clenching at his sides when he looks back-- ]

Izaya.

[ no formalities. this is one serious-if-intensely-confused kid, Izaya Orihara. and he isn't taking this lightly. ]

What is Juuta, to you?

lmfao sob 1/?

[valhallicity]

[ at first, when Crona calls him cruel, he's confused-- did he know Shizu-chan? whatever. it really shouldn't come as any surprise to him by now that Izaya is the type to use people for his own methods. but when he brings up Juuta ...

what does he have to do with this? ]

[valhallicity]

[ slowly, he's putting the pieces together, raising a hand to his chin thoughtfully, frowning in concentration. something that he said must have sounded cruel towards Juuta-kun, right . . . ? ]

[valhallicity]

[ so, did Crona mean to say that after all Juuta had done for him, he hadn't changed a bit? or was he saying that ...

wait. ]

[valhallicity]

[ wait. ]

done

[valhallicity]

[ finally, after a long pause, he answers. ]

Juuta-kun is my friend. I think you already understand the feelings I have in excess to that. Somehow, I think you have the wrong idea. Just a shot in the dark.