(no subject)
pardon last night's angst-laden ranty thingy.
I was on a serious hormonal downswing. fecking Brutus.
guess I just needed to do some venting.
anyways, back in Cincinnati.
missing the SLC bunch like all fecking hell
I'm more satisfied this time around - Fred and I had a rather excellent goodbye (loves ye, ye snarky bastard), I've made a couple new friends, strengthened a couple old connections, and am well on my way to getting back into that school.
'm already counting down to when I can return.
it's good to see David again.
circumstances are a bitch, and decent time spent with him is precious to me.
even if it is just as friends.
David... my friend.
I'm having a lot of trouble with this concept.
I'm ridiculously attracted to him
and, whether I "should" be or not (in my honest opinion, by the way, the word "should" needs to be stricken from the english language. nasty manipulative word, 'tis), I'm very much in love with him.
none of those feely-thingies are going to change in the least.
there are times I want to grab fate/destiny/whatever is responsible for all this shit by the collar and scream at it for landing me in a situation like this.
but I'm slowly learning to swallow the bitterness, anger, and jealousy that rise in my throat when I think about all this.
After all, he still loves me.
I still love him.
and really, what else matters?
I was on a serious hormonal downswing. fecking Brutus.
guess I just needed to do some venting.
anyways, back in Cincinnati.
missing the SLC bunch like all fecking hell
I'm more satisfied this time around - Fred and I had a rather excellent goodbye (loves ye, ye snarky bastard), I've made a couple new friends, strengthened a couple old connections, and am well on my way to getting back into that school.
'm already counting down to when I can return.
it's good to see David again.
circumstances are a bitch, and decent time spent with him is precious to me.
even if it is just as friends.
David... my friend.
I'm having a lot of trouble with this concept.
I'm ridiculously attracted to him
and, whether I "should" be or not (in my honest opinion, by the way, the word "should" needs to be stricken from the english language. nasty manipulative word, 'tis), I'm very much in love with him.
none of those feely-thingies are going to change in the least.
there are times I want to grab fate/destiny/whatever is responsible for all this shit by the collar and scream at it for landing me in a situation like this.
but I'm slowly learning to swallow the bitterness, anger, and jealousy that rise in my throat when I think about all this.
After all, he still loves me.
I still love him.
and really, what else matters?