No More Hackneyed Phrases
There will be no "bitter/bitterest pills" spoken of today. Instead I will call it what it is -- obsession.
I have been shopping like crazy, running up credit accounts and giving myself good reason to cut all of the cards up. I have been weakly protesting my purchases...no, I shouldn't. Oh, hell, why not?
Bad, bad Amber. No good for you. BAD!
But I found incredible deals on Amazon and credit enough to charge the products. Now I'm thinking about have my car windows tinted. I've owned the car for nearly fourteen years, fourteen years without darkened windows, so why am I now obsessed with blacking out the glass? The sun's already done the damage to my right side, and there's no going back from that. A freckle is forever. But I have all of this vacant credit tempt-tempt-tempting me to blow it all, charge it up, pray for the opportunity to move to another tax bracket at work. I'm spending money I should be saving. I'm out of control.
And it would be SO EASY to blame it on OCD or BPD or any of the other diagnoses Doctors have tagged me with over the last ten years, but I can't. I know who the real culprit is.
ME.
The me who has been dieting and investing much of herself and her money in the process of losing weight. She needs to give in to some craving or other before she gives in and eats outside the plan. I can't give a little here so I give a lot there, investing in household products, movies, and books. And always itching to spend more, risk more. I have to pay for Physical Therapy, the deductible part anyway, and need to pay down my credit cards and student loans. But there are a plethora of things I need to do for my car. Want to do. Need to want to do.
*facepalm*
Insanity. I am basking in it. And I can't think of a clever way to transition from this plaintive WAA! to a proper closing so let me just say this: if you've been reading, God bless. Now it's time for both of us to eat, sleep, and be wary.
See how lovely it could be? Okay, I'm going!
I have been shopping like crazy, running up credit accounts and giving myself good reason to cut all of the cards up. I have been weakly protesting my purchases...no, I shouldn't. Oh, hell, why not?
Bad, bad Amber. No good for you. BAD!
But I found incredible deals on Amazon and credit enough to charge the products. Now I'm thinking about have my car windows tinted. I've owned the car for nearly fourteen years, fourteen years without darkened windows, so why am I now obsessed with blacking out the glass? The sun's already done the damage to my right side, and there's no going back from that. A freckle is forever. But I have all of this vacant credit tempt-tempt-tempting me to blow it all, charge it up, pray for the opportunity to move to another tax bracket at work. I'm spending money I should be saving. I'm out of control.
And it would be SO EASY to blame it on OCD or BPD or any of the other diagnoses Doctors have tagged me with over the last ten years, but I can't. I know who the real culprit is.
ME.
The me who has been dieting and investing much of herself and her money in the process of losing weight. She needs to give in to some craving or other before she gives in and eats outside the plan. I can't give a little here so I give a lot there, investing in household products, movies, and books. And always itching to spend more, risk more. I have to pay for Physical Therapy, the deductible part anyway, and need to pay down my credit cards and student loans. But there are a plethora of things I need to do for my car. Want to do. Need to want to do.
- Need to replace struts ($1000)
- Oil Change ($50)
- Tune Up ($100)
- Replace floor mats ($20-200)
- Replace seat covers
- Tint Windows
*facepalm*
Insanity. I am basking in it. And I can't think of a clever way to transition from this plaintive WAA! to a proper closing so let me just say this: if you've been reading, God bless. Now it's time for both of us to eat, sleep, and be wary.
See how lovely it could be? Okay, I'm going!