How.
Things have been going great. I'm really happy. things are all falling into place...and i'm really happy. kennesaw is comin up...etc. i cant wait.
But though i'm happy, I have a skeleton in my closet. I can't say what it is...cause I really dont want to. Its something I've been struggling with for the past 4-5 years. Its something I feel like I should be able to control, but I cant. and it comes and goes. just when I think i've overcome it, it comes back in some way or another. I know its bad for me, but I can't overcome it...which is one of the worst feelings in the world. Actually, the worst part, is that I want so badly to tell my mom about it and to share it with her and get the help with it that I need...but i'm scared to. I dont wanna feel as if i've failed, and to add another thing to a list of things that i've done wrong growing up. I know somehow she'll try to blame it on something she did in raising me. but its not her fault. I dont wanna make a big deal about it and her get all worked up and worried and freaked out about it, but i'm tired of it haunting me, and I dont know what to do. I dont wanna have to go through the treatment. I dont wanna get another medication added to the list of things I need. Thats all doctors ever do to me. here...give her these 800 million pills and she'll be fine. yea. whatever. I'm tired of the pills. I'm tired of shady diagnostic sessions. I'm sick of having things wrong with me. I feel like some hypochondriac. But i'm not. Of all the things i've delt with, i should feel the most urge to get the help with this. its the most serious of them all, and its probably the cause of some of my other health issues. But fear overcomes me. I just can't do it. I can't do it, but I can't get a release from it either. God help me figure this out.
JeN
But though i'm happy, I have a skeleton in my closet. I can't say what it is...cause I really dont want to. Its something I've been struggling with for the past 4-5 years. Its something I feel like I should be able to control, but I cant. and it comes and goes. just when I think i've overcome it, it comes back in some way or another. I know its bad for me, but I can't overcome it...which is one of the worst feelings in the world. Actually, the worst part, is that I want so badly to tell my mom about it and to share it with her and get the help with it that I need...but i'm scared to. I dont wanna feel as if i've failed, and to add another thing to a list of things that i've done wrong growing up. I know somehow she'll try to blame it on something she did in raising me. but its not her fault. I dont wanna make a big deal about it and her get all worked up and worried and freaked out about it, but i'm tired of it haunting me, and I dont know what to do. I dont wanna have to go through the treatment. I dont wanna get another medication added to the list of things I need. Thats all doctors ever do to me. here...give her these 800 million pills and she'll be fine. yea. whatever. I'm tired of the pills. I'm tired of shady diagnostic sessions. I'm sick of having things wrong with me. I feel like some hypochondriac. But i'm not. Of all the things i've delt with, i should feel the most urge to get the help with this. its the most serious of them all, and its probably the cause of some of my other health issues. But fear overcomes me. I just can't do it. I can't do it, but I can't get a release from it either. God help me figure this out.
JeN