letter to amber
you are caught between a rock & a hard place with what seems no place to turn. I don't pretend to know exactly how it feels, but I can tell you that I do remember the ache of wanting to be loved. It provoked the poem I wrote called Love enfold me, hold me tight, Oh God please help me through this lonely night.
I don't understand you, I'm not sure I ever will. I do know that you are now a grown woman and you need to grow into that. I know the guild you feel inside from being with .....
kidding yourself just for the moment, just to feel .....
feel loved, even if it is a lie. I know deeper than you understand of being a woman, the feeling of inadaquacy, worthlessness, ugly ..... just plain old ugly.
We are very different yet we are more the same than you know.
I spent my youth afraid of being fat, afraid of food. Kay my eldest sister puked up her food in her teen years just to stay thin. I couldn't .... it hurtsand I don't like pain.
yet even in my thinness I felt fat.
Ponder that ..................
I've never had what you've got till I got here, here is with John. You think about where I grew up. I don't see poverty as a bad thing. I have here more than I need, heck more than I want. But then that is me.
You must surge forward in a positive mode.
You must understand that negatives join with negatives.
I will never be a perfect person, mother, wife, friend, sister and so on ......
but I will strive to find the best in myself,
and to become a better person
if that is possible being who I am.
You are alone because you choose to be, if you really want to know what that means .... maybe you will sit and listen with an open mind. I have after all been through some things in life. I have an attitude of you can't break me.
I assure you Ihave been broken.
thats all for now.
I don't understand you, I'm not sure I ever will. I do know that you are now a grown woman and you need to grow into that. I know the guild you feel inside from being with .....
kidding yourself just for the moment, just to feel .....
feel loved, even if it is a lie. I know deeper than you understand of being a woman, the feeling of inadaquacy, worthlessness, ugly ..... just plain old ugly.
We are very different yet we are more the same than you know.
I spent my youth afraid of being fat, afraid of food. Kay my eldest sister puked up her food in her teen years just to stay thin. I couldn't .... it hurtsand I don't like pain.
yet even in my thinness I felt fat.
Ponder that ..................
I've never had what you've got till I got here, here is with John. You think about where I grew up. I don't see poverty as a bad thing. I have here more than I need, heck more than I want. But then that is me.
You must surge forward in a positive mode.
You must understand that negatives join with negatives.
I will never be a perfect person, mother, wife, friend, sister and so on ......
but I will strive to find the best in myself,
and to become a better person
if that is possible being who I am.
You are alone because you choose to be, if you really want to know what that means .... maybe you will sit and listen with an open mind. I have after all been through some things in life. I have an attitude of you can't break me.
I assure you Ihave been broken.
thats all for now.