Vent
So, I'm exhausted and I'm having a slight melt-down. I'm in Austria right now at a summer program for singers. I entered the competition here and we had the preliminaries today. I feel that I sang really well, except for the fact that I had a memory slip. I HATE IT! I know that aria like the back of my hand, and I had a memory slip! Oy! So, I didn't make it to the semifinals. I'm just starting to get really frustrated, like maybe I'm never going to get anywhere as a singer. I am working my butt off, and I feel like things are really starting to come together vocally, and I'm making progress, but I would just like to get some kind of recognition, or validation that this is what I should be doing. I mean, I've had people tell me that I'm singing well, or that I sounded beautiful...blah, blah, blah. I want to not be just another mediocre singer for once. I want something that says that I am at least worth SOMETHING as a singer. I want this. I want to be a singer. I just have to keep reminding myself, because sometimes I get frustrated. It's so easy to go from feeling good about your singing, to feeling like you suck and shouldn't bother anymore in a split second. Now, on a positive note, I have been learning a lot here, and working hard and I was able to apply things I've learned in my performance today, and I think that is something worth being proud of. Also, this was another experience, and other than NATS in undergrad, it was my first competition. I think I'm taking steps in the right direction, and every experience is an opportunity to learn. This business is ugly, and I'm probably never going to understand everything, but this is the life I've chosen, and until there is a clear sign that this is not what I should be doing or until I have had enough, then this is my life. Ok, I feel better. I'm going to go to bed now and sleep late, and not have to wake up to an alarm for the first time in I don't know how long. Yay! I think a good night's sleep will do me a world of good.