there's no one else

[splashnfun]

I can't believe this, I really can't. I was so confused. Go home, or stay. I couldn't choose. I finally chose, and now it's not even up to me. I have to stay here until Saturday. I hate this. I hate it here right now. I just want to be home and see my family, and hug them, and know that I can do what I want, when I want, know my limits, and get things started. I don't want to sit around for another three days doing nothing but living out of a suitcase. The best thing about being here is the fact that I don't have to go to school anymore. I'd gladly trade that in a heartbeat. I can't even explain it. I hate that all I have is the phone - I want to see him. I want to see everyone. I want to walk down the street with no jacket. I want to turn my music up way to loud and sing out of key. I want to be okay. I want to be happy. I don't want to feel this way. I'm angry, I'm sad, and all I want to do is sit in a corner and cry. The only reason I'm not is because I'm not wearing waterproof mascara, and I don't want to keep washing my face. Ah. And you know, yesterday, I was like, "do I really want to do this?" But this, this is reason enough for me to want to go home. I mean, seriously, I have no control over the situation, and that blows.

So we'll see. When he calls me, hopefully I'll feel a little better.

<3