isn't it messed up, how I'm just dying to be him?
Every once in a while, I think that I take too many risks. I put my heart out to a lot of people, and usually expect some kind of... decency in return. You know? I mean, you fall in love, right? Well, that's wonderful, if they return the feelings. And if not? For them to turn around and stop talking to you would be the worst thing they could possibly do, right? Just completely break your heart, and everything you'd been hoping for. Why wouldn't they just be like, "hey, you know, I don't feel that way, but you're totally a cool person and being friends is all we can be." Even though it sucks, at least it's honest. At least it shows some form of respect. Some ounce of consideration, right? Well, I think I'm right. So I suppose that me expecting things in return would be too much. I'm not saying I fell in love - I didn't. But I can say that I was interested, even optimistic, about the situation. And considering how many toes had been stepped on, I was really hoping it would all be worth it. But it seems that my toes are now the ones to be crushed, and the person I cared about so much doesn't care about me in the same likeness, if at all. The only positive side is that her heart is healed, or so I hope.
In other news, being ditched also sucks. A lot. And I simply hate it. I'm not one to break, cancel, or postpone plans. Consequently, people who do that tend to annoy me. I tend to have a hard time being friends, or even close acquaintances, with anyone like that. So coming here, and making plans, only to find them cancelled, really gets to me. I'm not talking, "oh, that sucks." I'm talking, "oh, what a douche." 'Cause seriously, now is the time when I'd want to meet people more than ever. And quite frankly, I could have guessed it wouldn't happen. But don't let me get excited, get ready, get happy about it, and then be like, "nah, just kidding." Sorry, but that's just mean.
Now then, in preparation for tomorrow, I've done nothing. I am still living out of a suitcase, and I need to get into the groove of taking night showers again. I haven't been doing that for the past week or so, due to the lack of school-age. And apparently school starts at 7:30, but we're getting there at 7:00 tomorrow. Ewe much. This, expected of a girl who is used to an 8:30 starting time, and a 6:00 wake up time. Whatever. We'll see how it goes. Judging from current experience, I'm not too excited. And it's a much larger school than I'm used to, so that's not great, either. Like I said, though. We'll see.
Right now, I just wish I had someone around; someone who I could talk to, who understood what was going on and why I feel the way I do without needing an explanation or long story. I wish I could go to youth group and get some much needed advice, a ton of hugs, and hear stupid jokes. I wish I could have no worries, no concerns, tons of joys, and kick up my leg in a synchronized fashion with those I love. I just wish it was different. But it's not, and I chose it, so I'm living with it.
Day two of Wisconsin. Day one of uneasiness. Day four billion and two of self-conciousness.
<3
In other news, being ditched also sucks. A lot. And I simply hate it. I'm not one to break, cancel, or postpone plans. Consequently, people who do that tend to annoy me. I tend to have a hard time being friends, or even close acquaintances, with anyone like that. So coming here, and making plans, only to find them cancelled, really gets to me. I'm not talking, "oh, that sucks." I'm talking, "oh, what a douche." 'Cause seriously, now is the time when I'd want to meet people more than ever. And quite frankly, I could have guessed it wouldn't happen. But don't let me get excited, get ready, get happy about it, and then be like, "nah, just kidding." Sorry, but that's just mean.
Now then, in preparation for tomorrow, I've done nothing. I am still living out of a suitcase, and I need to get into the groove of taking night showers again. I haven't been doing that for the past week or so, due to the lack of school-age. And apparently school starts at 7:30, but we're getting there at 7:00 tomorrow. Ewe much. This, expected of a girl who is used to an 8:30 starting time, and a 6:00 wake up time. Whatever. We'll see how it goes. Judging from current experience, I'm not too excited. And it's a much larger school than I'm used to, so that's not great, either. Like I said, though. We'll see.
Right now, I just wish I had someone around; someone who I could talk to, who understood what was going on and why I feel the way I do without needing an explanation or long story. I wish I could go to youth group and get some much needed advice, a ton of hugs, and hear stupid jokes. I wish I could have no worries, no concerns, tons of joys, and kick up my leg in a synchronized fashion with those I love. I just wish it was different. But it's not, and I chose it, so I'm living with it.
Day two of Wisconsin. Day one of uneasiness. Day four billion and two of self-conciousness.
<3