8 Simple Rules for Dating My College Roomate
Too Funny.....(i stole it)
As we go through college our good friend’s hookups eventually evolve into relationships. Human nature, but it still sucks. The following are rules to be followed by the significant other of a best friend. Not doing so will be enough legal standing for your boy/girlfriend’s roommates to hit you in the head with a fucking brick or sock full of door knobs, whichever is handy.
1. If you make or eat any food at our place, you just assumed responsibility for all unclean dishes in the house. It doesn’t matter if it was only a hot dog in the microwave on a paper towel. Consider it your contribution to the water bill.
2. If you need to shower, go home. You can’t live that far away. If you do live outside of the 30 mile radius, get every roommates permission to take a shower and don’t take more than 10 minutes. This is because after a night of partying and a greasy 24 hour restaurant breakfast, a big nasty beer poop waits for no man/woman regardless of how they look in a thong. If you neglect to follow this rule, a roommate is allowed to walk in while you are showering and leave a surprise for you.
3. Follow the house rules. They only people that may stray from such rules are family members. You may have my roommate wrapped around your finger but until you have a ring there also, you are just an annoyance that doesn’t make me cookies.
4. Knock on the fucking door. You and my roommate might have an open relationship but I like to have some amount of privacy. I might be busy entertaining a woman, but most likely just watching porn and a little heads up is most necessary.
5. Don’t invite your friends to our place. We might have a nice patio and grill but it doesn’t me you get to have your favorite bunch of cockblockers and/or frat boys over for a party. If you do this, Rule 1 is in effect and roommates are allowed to eat any food at anytime. This rule also includes your family. I don’t want to meet the people that created such an abomination of humanity.
6. Don’t tell me to clean up. I don’t tell you to quit sucking the life out of my friend and having a messy house is not as bad as stealing a soul.
7. You do not get control over anything in the house/apartment. This includes remotes, temperature, or noise level. If you don’t like it leave. You also cannot tell your boy/girlfriend to attempt to change something. Obviously, they are fine with it, until you opened your dumb non-cookie making yapper.
8. Don’t give me advice on relationships. This means directly or through the boy/girlfriend. I have seen your relationship and if I wanted mine to turn into that, I would just start drinking Drano because it would be less painful.
These are just base rules and more may be added without prior notice. You know the punishment if you do not comply so you have been warned.
As we go through college our good friend’s hookups eventually evolve into relationships. Human nature, but it still sucks. The following are rules to be followed by the significant other of a best friend. Not doing so will be enough legal standing for your boy/girlfriend’s roommates to hit you in the head with a fucking brick or sock full of door knobs, whichever is handy.
1. If you make or eat any food at our place, you just assumed responsibility for all unclean dishes in the house. It doesn’t matter if it was only a hot dog in the microwave on a paper towel. Consider it your contribution to the water bill.
2. If you need to shower, go home. You can’t live that far away. If you do live outside of the 30 mile radius, get every roommates permission to take a shower and don’t take more than 10 minutes. This is because after a night of partying and a greasy 24 hour restaurant breakfast, a big nasty beer poop waits for no man/woman regardless of how they look in a thong. If you neglect to follow this rule, a roommate is allowed to walk in while you are showering and leave a surprise for you.
3. Follow the house rules. They only people that may stray from such rules are family members. You may have my roommate wrapped around your finger but until you have a ring there also, you are just an annoyance that doesn’t make me cookies.
4. Knock on the fucking door. You and my roommate might have an open relationship but I like to have some amount of privacy. I might be busy entertaining a woman, but most likely just watching porn and a little heads up is most necessary.
5. Don’t invite your friends to our place. We might have a nice patio and grill but it doesn’t me you get to have your favorite bunch of cockblockers and/or frat boys over for a party. If you do this, Rule 1 is in effect and roommates are allowed to eat any food at anytime. This rule also includes your family. I don’t want to meet the people that created such an abomination of humanity.
6. Don’t tell me to clean up. I don’t tell you to quit sucking the life out of my friend and having a messy house is not as bad as stealing a soul.
7. You do not get control over anything in the house/apartment. This includes remotes, temperature, or noise level. If you don’t like it leave. You also cannot tell your boy/girlfriend to attempt to change something. Obviously, they are fine with it, until you opened your dumb non-cookie making yapper.
8. Don’t give me advice on relationships. This means directly or through the boy/girlfriend. I have seen your relationship and if I wanted mine to turn into that, I would just start drinking Drano because it would be less painful.
These are just base rules and more may be added without prior notice. You know the punishment if you do not comply so you have been warned.