Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold. FOREVER.
It's amazing how much nitpicky paperwork that you've been putting off that you can get done when you spend half an hour on hold. Which is good, as I now have a herculean task ahead of me, what with catching up after the project that ate my life since Jan 3. The project that was supposed to take three days, and ended up taking THREE WEEKS after I realized that I'd have to reformat and rebuild a 90+ page document, with tables, from the ground up.
Oy.
But it's done, and I have my brain back, more or less. And I am using it for ridiculousness, as I outlined the first seven scenes of the postapocalyptic space pirates fic last night. There is actual plot. It scares me a little (note that I didn't say it was good plot).
Sadly, it is sorely lacking in space battles, gun fights, explosions, random acts of violence, and leather pants. I think I need to do some research - like, oh, watch Ice Pirates a few dozen times.
Jack scuffed the carpet with the toe of his boot, marring the exquisite designs with a smear of dark mud. Eyeing his handiwork, he did it again, obliterating a fanciful collage of mermaids sunning on a rock, then a flock of brilliantly colored birds.
"O'Neill." Teal'c's voice crackled in his ear. "She is almost through."
"On my way." Jack punched a tiny proximity sensor into the wall at the head of the staircase he'd been using as a surveillance post, angling the head to cover the sweeping curve of the marble steps. When its signal beeped live in his HUD, he gave one last exaggerated scrape of his boot across the carpet, wiping out what looked like a conga-line of tribal natives, and jogged down the hall.
Two lefts and another long stretch of tapestried carpet led him to a pair of heavy, intricately carved wood doors, now with an unsightly blackened hole where the lock had been. Jack shook his head; Carter must be really pissed to forgo her usual subtle methods of entry. The doors swung in on a large room, appointed in more rich fabrics - not just the carpet, but draperies and wall hangings in deepening shades of red, and the most hideous pair of bright pink chairs Jack had ever seen.
Teal'c stood sentry just inside the doors. Across the room, Daniel slouched against the wall, and Jack could just make out a crown of blonde hair behind an enormous marble desk. He found Carter crouched back there, manipulating a thin tube through a hole she'd drilled in the wall that hid Dath's safe. "How much longer?"
"Seventy three seconds." She brushed the back of her hand across her sweat-dampened bangs, grunting in frustration until Jack brushed the errant hairs out of her face. "Thanks," she said absently, patting his fingers before reaching down into the open case at her feet for another tool.
"T.?"
Teal'c glanced up from the palmscreen Carter had synched into Dath's surveillance network. "All remains clear, O'Neill."
They'd rounded up the house staff, all civilians, and locked them in the basement after Carter had hacked the security system to get them in. It was considerate of Dath to be such an arrogant SOB that he trusted his security to electronics and machines. Armed people would have made this much messier. And working for Dath Revmund had already been messy enough for Jack's tastes.
"Look at us. We've fallen to petty thievery."
Daniel's disgruntled tone made Jack roll his eyes. "This is hardly petty, Daniel. Petty would be egging his windows or leaving a bag of dog crap on his front porch. And besides," he poked Daniel in the shoulder. "This isn’t thievery. This is a withdrawal of rightly earned income. With a lot of interest."
Oy.
But it's done, and I have my brain back, more or less. And I am using it for ridiculousness, as I outlined the first seven scenes of the postapocalyptic space pirates fic last night. There is actual plot. It scares me a little (note that I didn't say it was good plot).
Sadly, it is sorely lacking in space battles, gun fights, explosions, random acts of violence, and leather pants. I think I need to do some research - like, oh, watch Ice Pirates a few dozen times.
Jack scuffed the carpet with the toe of his boot, marring the exquisite designs with a smear of dark mud. Eyeing his handiwork, he did it again, obliterating a fanciful collage of mermaids sunning on a rock, then a flock of brilliantly colored birds.
"O'Neill." Teal'c's voice crackled in his ear. "She is almost through."
"On my way." Jack punched a tiny proximity sensor into the wall at the head of the staircase he'd been using as a surveillance post, angling the head to cover the sweeping curve of the marble steps. When its signal beeped live in his HUD, he gave one last exaggerated scrape of his boot across the carpet, wiping out what looked like a conga-line of tribal natives, and jogged down the hall.
Two lefts and another long stretch of tapestried carpet led him to a pair of heavy, intricately carved wood doors, now with an unsightly blackened hole where the lock had been. Jack shook his head; Carter must be really pissed to forgo her usual subtle methods of entry. The doors swung in on a large room, appointed in more rich fabrics - not just the carpet, but draperies and wall hangings in deepening shades of red, and the most hideous pair of bright pink chairs Jack had ever seen.
Teal'c stood sentry just inside the doors. Across the room, Daniel slouched against the wall, and Jack could just make out a crown of blonde hair behind an enormous marble desk. He found Carter crouched back there, manipulating a thin tube through a hole she'd drilled in the wall that hid Dath's safe. "How much longer?"
"Seventy three seconds." She brushed the back of her hand across her sweat-dampened bangs, grunting in frustration until Jack brushed the errant hairs out of her face. "Thanks," she said absently, patting his fingers before reaching down into the open case at her feet for another tool.
"T.?"
Teal'c glanced up from the palmscreen Carter had synched into Dath's surveillance network. "All remains clear, O'Neill."
They'd rounded up the house staff, all civilians, and locked them in the basement after Carter had hacked the security system to get them in. It was considerate of Dath to be such an arrogant SOB that he trusted his security to electronics and machines. Armed people would have made this much messier. And working for Dath Revmund had already been messy enough for Jack's tastes.
"Look at us. We've fallen to petty thievery."
Daniel's disgruntled tone made Jack roll his eyes. "This is hardly petty, Daniel. Petty would be egging his windows or leaving a bag of dog crap on his front porch. And besides," he poked Daniel in the shoulder. "This isn’t thievery. This is a withdrawal of rightly earned income. With a lot of interest."